Strike Two -- from Mark

Unfortunately, today was not the first day of the rest of our lives.  After meeting with the second group of children for the morning and then going back for the afternoon, we didn't feel like these kids were a match for us for a variety of reasons.  So tomorrow, with diminished hopes, we're on our way back to Kiev again, to start all over.  We'll be asking for a third appointment at the central office for adoptions where we'll pick our third (and final) potential adoptive child/ren to go visit.  That we find ourselves in this situation is a real surprise and disappointment to us.  Reading all the many adoption blogs out there, it just never runs this way, it seems.

So what's the problem?

First, most people come here with plans to adopt specific children versus coming "blind"', i.e. not knowing what child they might chance upon when they have their appointment.  Our caseworker back home had told us we mustn't come blind, and she had targeted two kids for us, which we were coming to adopt, but just a few days before our departure, we were told those kids were gone, and no others were found to arrange our appointment to coincide with.  So we have just been taking shots in the dark.

Second, there are not that many healthy children to choose from.  Another huge surprise to us, the orphan problem--at least for healthy children-- has largely been solved in this country, which is, of course great for the kids, but bad for us at the moment.  Both orphanages we visited used to hold three times the number of kids who are there now.  And of course, those who remain tend to be the tougher cases.  For example, they have not been able to find any 2-member healthy sibling group to offer us.  So many of the blogs telling easy adoption stories are, honestly, from an easier time.  

Third, we are dealing with our grief, of course, which makes it hard to be sure where our hesitancy comes from in meeting these kids.  Is it really because these kids aren't right for us, or would we feel this way about any kids for now?  If so, should we push ourselves more to make it work while we have the opportunity?  We both think so,  but it's hard to know if the hesitancy you're pushing against is because of your grief or because you really don't fundamentally connect with this child.  Personally, I (Mark) still believe it can work with the right kids.  I began to connect with the first child we met and I have carried him in my heart since then, and I wish in hindsight that we'd gone on to meet his siblings.  That experience confirmed for me, though, that my heart is ready to love a new child, but we're just having trouble getting me, Edna, and child all together on the same emotional page at the same time!  Edna is having a much tougher time of it, emotionally, but she, too, wants it to work, and I believe it can for her, too, with the right child.

So please continue to keep us in your prayers, crazy as we are.  We so hope to soon share some good news with everyone, as we know you all, in your love and good wishes for us, so much want to hear.  With Pascha (Easter) this weekend, nothing more will happen until Tuesday, when our request for a third appointment will be submitted.  I pray God blesses us with success--last chance.