His First American Christmas

I pulled out the big box of cookie cutters and Andrew was amazed. We must have about 100 because not only did I love baking with Mary Evleyn, but I taught kindergarten and preschool so I have a fine collection.

He looked at me and softly said, "I've never made cookies before."

He was excited to help me, especially when I showed him the cookie gun. Being all boy, just the word gun - so much more fun sounding than cookie press- was a thrill.

Decorating his first tree, shopping at Lenox mall and seeing his wide eyed amazement at the decorations and shoppers, watching Christmas movies ( OK, sometimes I make Mark do that because of hot button issues with Mary Evelyn), anyway it's a lot of fun. Maybe it's a little like seeing a baby's first Christmas through the eyes of a ten year old.

We will be going to church Christmas Eve and then up to Mark's sister Pam
s house for a big, happy Christmas spend the night party .

We can't wait.

Meanwhile, Nadia and Ruslan are waiting for us in Ukraine. We hope to be there between January 10 and the 17th but will not have a date until next week.

We couldn't get a date early enough for the tax rebate so our finances are a little challenged going into this. Thankfully, Promise 686 is giving us another matching grant. If you would like to help us out, here is the info:

Promise 686 is a ministry dedicated to helping children who are orphans or in foster care and is a ministry partner of Perimeter Church, which is where Mark and I met many years ago.

Promise686 (www.promise686.org) has graciously given a Matching Grant of $4,000 to help us with our adoption expenses. If you would like to help our orphans, you can send your tax-deductible gift to the address below. Your donation will be matched by Promise686 on a $1-for-$1 basis up to $4000, thus multiplying the impact of your gift. All gifts are tax deductible as promise 686 is a 501c3 tax exempt organization.

Please make checks payable to: Promise686, Inc. You may preference how the donation might be used by writing “King Adoption” in the memo section of your check. If you don’t write King Adoption, the donation will go into a general fund. Funds donated to “King Adoption” will be matched and are intended to be used to reimburse us for adoption expenses.

Note: per IRS guidelines, promise686 maintains complete discretion and control over the use of all donated funds, but intends to honor the donor’s suggested use.

Mail checks to:
Promise 686, Inc.
3600 River Ferry Drive
Alpharetta, G A 30022

Thank you for considering helping us and again for your prayers and love through the years.
Mark and Edna King

“A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families…” Psalm 68:5-6a

Waiting and Wondering

Adoption blogs seem to be about waiting a lot and ours is no exception. We can't cut in line to go to Ukraine earlier in December so will wait until sometime in January and miss the Big Tax Credit.

We also found out that Nadia and Ruslan are visitng their sister and extended family for a couple weeks at Christmas so they won't be ready to leave until mid January.

We wondered if they really understand what adoption is, how far away America is and what their family might be thinking about it all.

We asked Luda to ask Nadia a few important questions the next time she gets the opportunity- everyo so often Nadia getrs access to a cell phone and calls Luda to see if she knows when we are coming!

This extra time and our questions about them spending time with their family gave us reason to to reevaluate our decision. Am I really up to this (Edna)? Are we taking them away from their family? Can we afford this?

After praying, crying, complaining (me, not Mark) and having long conversations on the phone and in person with various friends and relatives, I guess the answer is there are no guarantees in life and when you ask God for clear cut direction, the answer is often still anything but clear.

Great gain always carries great risk.

Nadia and Ruslan have been in the orphanage for at least four years and their family has no legal right to take them home. The kids asked us to adopt them, and we believe they did so out of a heartfelt longing to be part of our family. What they wrote in their notes last summer was all about loving us and wanting a mom and dad, a family, not about getting to live in America.

A year from now, Nadia's life will be much better if she is safe in my home instead of getting ready to leave the orphanage with an eight grade education.

A year from now, Ruslan will be in a more secure place in our home rather than staying where he is.

I am a grieving mom, but also a loving mom who understands loss. Mark and I can empathize with Nadia and Ruslan and maybe we can help each other heal.

We believe that God will give us the grace to cope with the challenges and so are moving forward, in prayer.

We've applied with Lifesong for an interest free loan and are applying to Promise 686 again for matching grant funds.

Thanks for your continued prayers.

In school, Andrew made a list of five things he was thankful for:

It is a beautiful expression of his sweet heart and of the joy that he has in his new life, but it also conveys his sense of God's presence in the hard, lonely times he has been through.

It's a lovely reminder of what we celebrate this Thanksgiving.


*No news about our appointment.

prayers requested

The SDA (State Dept. for Adoptions) for the Ukrainain government, has been not been granting appointments for the last month. They have been processing applications that were submitted ( at least those like ours that were submitted in October) but while the SDA transfers authority to a new govt. agency called the Ministry of Social Policy, they are not able to grant appointments. The appointments are when parents are able to request a chance to visit orphan children they may want to adopt and begin the adoption process in Ukraine.

Stopping apointments is creating a backlog of cases, so we may not get our appointment this year.

Probably everyone adopting right now very much wants their appointment to be by mid December because this is the last year that the US govt. has a generous tax rebate for adoptions.The tax rebate changes next year as there are budget cuts. In order to get the rebate for Nadia and Ruslan, we would need to have our appointment and our court date before Dec. 31st.

The tax rebate makes the adoption feasable, especially when adopting two more kids within one year of adopting the first one.

All that to say, our facilitator is meeting with an official on Monday to request a December Appointment for us since we know who we want to adopt, the kids have already said yes and because they are older kids. All of that should keep the process simple.

Please pray that God will smooth the way for us to get an early December Appointment and help us finish the process in 2011.

Thanks!

As American As Baseball

Andrew has adapted easily to his new life. He attends third grade at a local public school and is in a regular class but gets extra help from the English as a Second Language teacher and visits a first grade class for reading help- which he loves. He is very happy at school and is naturally friendly, outgoing and nice to everyone.

Andrew's English has improved so much that he can express whatever he needs to and can tell us stories about his childhood. His life has certainly been an adventure. He has experienced homelessness, living in many different houses and two orphanages. He's been hungry and cold. He's very grateful for his new family and life here.

Sports are one of his loves in life and he played baseball this fall on a local team. He picked up the new skills easily and loved being on the team. I thought he was especially cute in the uniform. It was a great experience for him to bond with his teammates, learn to focus on the game and work hard at achieving something in a fun and competitive setting.

My adjustment has seemed much harder than Andrew's. It is a big emotional stretch to adopt a child after the death of a child, at least for me. I've been a little better lately, but it has been a huge struggle.Mark has done a much better job with it. I like to blame that on the way men handle things vs. women's emotions, but in any case, he has made the adjustment well.

Andrew often asks about Mary Evelyn. Her pictures and artwork are all over our house and he calls her his "sweet sister". Maybe his pragmatic attitudes toward loss/death and God's grace had kept him from feeling wierd about living in a house where a child has recently died. If he knows that something belonged to her, he sees it as more precious, just like I do. It is very sweet.

We are planning to return to Ukraine and adopt Nadia and Ruslan, but do not have specific dates. It will not be in November becasuse the Ukrainian Government Adoption offices (SDA) are shut down while they change agencies and buildings.

Adopting two older children may help with my adjustment by changing the dynamic. Andrew is in the same grade Mary Evelyn would have been in and is about the same developmental level. Maybe having two more will also keep me so busy I won't have time to be so sad.

Nadia and Ruslan are very excited about coming home with us and are such sweet kids, it will be worth whatever adjustments mama has to go through.

In the meantime, Andrew is loving his famliy, watching lots of Super Hero cartoons, riding his bike, learning to read English and is an altar boy at church. His life is busy and happy. He has spent the night at friends' houses and fits in well wherever he goes. He loved trick or treating and dressed up as a ninja.




Andrew's tenth birthday was October 12 and we celebrated it with a costume party hosted by Uncle Ray and Aunt Janice. He told me it was his best birthday ever. He had never had a party before.

It is a great joy to see a child getting to experience so many joys in life for the first time and to see his grateful and happy spirit. Yesterday he told his teacher that He thanks God for his new family, his church and his school.

Andrew's new life here is an answer to the prayers he prayed as a lonely orphan in his church in Ukraine.

Andrew loves life as an American!

Andrew loved celebrating the Fourth of July as an American. He enjoyed watching the Peachtree City Parade and as he scooped up the candy thrown by the various parade participants, he said: I love life in America!He loved having everyone at our house and then going to see the fireworks that night. As you can see, he was busy charming his cousins!

He has learned a lot of English both by conversing with people, being directly instructed in language and by watching Power Rangers. Mark and I work with him with English books, workbooks and flashcards and he can read a lot of words. I also got a book about Ukrainian heroes, written in Ukrainian, so he can keep up with his Cyrillic. We’ve also had him practice basic math facts (adding and subtracting) and he’s learned some English math vocabulary such as the basic shapes. He will be going to Cleveland Elementary School in August and will be in either 3rd or 4th grade, depending on how he performs on some upcoming tests.

Today he started a week of Backyard Sports Camp. Last week he attended a church camp at Saint Mary’s. Although the camp was in English, there were Ukrainian and Russian speakers there to help him. He loved it! He told me he can speak “Big Ukrainian, big Russian and little English”. He seemed to do fine though and is able to communicate his needs or what he wants to tell us without calling anyone or relying on Google translate. We knew he would love camp, but also thought it would help him with the transition to school. Plus, it gives mama a break which helps with her adjustment.

Andrew is very well adjusted emotionally and makes friends everywhere he goes. He is kind to other people and makes sure no one is ever left out in group situations. He loves having a family and often lists us by name, always including Mary Evelyn. He is especially excited about having a big brother. He was looking at old photos with us and was carefully identifying each person in his extended family. His family is very important to him and he loves each person. In his prayers, which are still often in Church Slavonic although he is learning to pray in English, he usually lists his American friends now in place of his group in Ukraine which shows he is transitioning in a healthy way.

Riding his bicycle is lots of fun (he’s already been to the BMX tack in Peachtree City) and he is improving as a swimmer, too. He scares me sometimes because he’s so fearless. He went to a Braves game and now is all about baseball. He loves to practice with his dad, and wants to be on a team this fall. Andrew moves like an athlete and it will be fun to watch him play sports as he grows up.

He is an altar boy at our church and tries to help out in every way possible. He is so happy to have church friends and the opportunity to help our priest. He just got a new robe and was very excited about that, too. He is confident and outgoing while being friendly and caring about others. So far, his leadership ability hasn’t veered into being bossypants.

A few weeks ago, we took him to the International Adoption Clinic at Children’s in Birmingham and they were amazed at how healthy and well adjusted he is. They saw that he is fine, but that I have been struggling. They were sympathetic about how hard this has been on me to deal with a new child and the grief I bear for Mary Evelyn. They said that adopting anyone else would probably not have worked because usually there is a long period of adjustment for the child which would have been too hard for us. Andrew adjusted right away, seamlessly, and that is a great gift for us. To deal with the usually difficulties on top of losing a child so recently would have been too hard. In the meantime, we are still planning to adopt Nadia and Ruslan, but are waiting until we are ready.

They assured me that bonding takes time, but with a sweet wonderful boy like Andrew it will come and I believe they are right. He does bring sunshine into our house each day and I’m sure that makes Mary Evelyn happy. As Andrew says, “I love you all the way up to Mary Evelyn in heaven” and that love will make this work out.

Story Line B

Luda was able to have heart to heart talks with Nadia and Ruslan before we left so we got to know more of their story and more about them, too. It was hard to leave them behind. The first night he was with us, Andrew told our translator that he had a dream that Ruslan came to him and asked us to come back for him and bring him home, too. OK, Ok, we’re getting the message, but we needed to come home to America and be sure it was a wise decision and not just an emotional one. We talked about it a lot in the last few days and were leaning towards the idea of adopting them. We have been impressed by Andrew’s smooth transition into his life here in our family and think the other two will also fit right in. We saw them in enough contexts to know that they are responsible, intelligent and well behaved.

We thought it was a good sign that Nadia’s name is Russian for Hope, but we knew what to do when we discovered what Ruslan’s name means. Ruslan means “the lion” and is the Russian version of the Turkish name Aslan.

Those of you who have followed our journey on caringbridge know that we read the Chronicles of Narnia to Mary Evelyn in the last year of her life and that in the last weeks; we compared the way she was going to heaven with the children going to Narnia, except heaven is real and much better. That was a great comfort to her and she said, in her sweet innocence, that she wanted to meet Aslan. Her oncologist desrcibed the way the neuroblastoma would suddenly overtake her as "falling off a cliff" just on the day we read about a girl in Narnia who fell off a cliff, but was blown gently to safety by Aslan( as Mary Evelyn is in the painting). Narnia helped us all conceive of death as a continuation of life in a different, better yet unseen world, which is what it is. Later, at her visitation in the funeral home, Mark and I were surprised by the gift of a stuffed lion from a total stranger who didn’t that Narnia meant anything to us. It was like a sign that Mary Evelyn indeed had gone to “Narnia”. Now, we have been given the opportunity to adopt two more sweet children: Hope and Aslan.

We have contacted our adoption facilitators and started the process. Luda called Nadia to relay a message from us. After reading our letter to her, she told Nadia that if she changes her mind about being adopted, let her know. Nadia said, “You can ask me as many times as you want, but I will never change my mind. I want to go with them.”

Sometime in the next few months, we’ll be a big family with 5 kids: Thomas who is 27, Nadia is almost 16, Ruslan is 12, Andrew is 9 and sweet Mary Evelyn, who has moved beyond age, is with us in spirit and forever in our hearts.









PS I would've udpated sooner, but Andrew came downstairs for breakfast limping due to his bike accident and I spent all day taking him to the doctor, getting x-rays, etc just to find out he's fine. It was hard to bring him to ME's pediatrician, but the doctor is from Belarus and speaks Russian so I had to go there for Andrew's sake. We also went to Mary Evelyn's dentist, where I cried from overwrought emotions, but they were all kind and it was Ok.

Helicopters, Bikes and Golf Carts

When people get home, the adoption blogs go silent and everyone wonders if it’s gone wrong. Not in our case, we’re just busy taking care of the things that need to be done after being gone 9 weeks and having fun with our little son.

Sunday morning Andrew wore his Ukrainian shirt to church and looked really handsome. Several of the Russian speakers in our church welcomed him warmly and that helped him feel right at home. He handled the special attention that he got as our newly adopted son with poise and confidence. I think he liked the air-conditioning, but I guess the basic familiarity of the service, which is the same in all Orthodox churches, must have gone a long way to make him comfortable, too.

Uncle Ray gave him a new red bike and he’s been busy learning how to ride it. He’s very determined and almost over confident so he’s picked up this new skill quickly but over estimated his mastery of it and had a big crash the other evening. He’s all scraped up now, but will be back on it again as soon as the soreness is gone.

Thomas gave Andrew a remote controlled helicopter which he loved. After flying it around the house a little, I kicked them outside. They flew it for a pretty long time before Andrew flew it over the house and it disappeared. Maybe it’s on the roof. Andrew handled that disappointment well and took it in stride. Thomas is getting a replacement for him and so they'll get to try again, maybe in an open field.

On Monday, I had to go to the dentist, so I packed Andrew up and drove up to Atlanta. My friend Leslie invited him to play with her kids during my appointment, so I dropped him off and went on. He had a great time and just simply fit in with everyone. He wasn’t afraid, he just acted normally. I couldn’t get over how easy going he is. He just handles every new situation with cheerful confidence.

Andrew had another adventure on Tuesday when he got to sit in Cindy’s lap and steer her golf cart! He loved that.

He was patient and kept himself busy playing Q-Bert on the ipad while we got our nails done. We went to Partner’s Pizza for lunch, which was a little hard for me because I used to take Mary Evelyn there every Friday when she was I preschool, but it turned out to be fun. We gave him a few quarters and he happily played arcade games before eating a good lunch. When he saw I had ordered coke for him ( he knows I think of it as a special occasion drink) he said thank you, mama!

While we were eating, Mark called. He had something special to tell me about the other two kids we’re thinking of adopting in Ukraine, Nadia and Ruslan, but that’s for another update. This update is just to let you know that Andrew is adjusting well, he’s happy and calm. He told us he loves his new family. He eats a lot, he goes right to sleep when he goes to bed, he remembers to say his prayers ( which he chants- really cute) and he is polite and loving to us. I’m sure there will be challenges ahead, but for now, it’s smooth sailing. He even makes his bed each morning, and tidies up his own room, now that he knows we expect him too. He likes to walk our dog and play with her. Mark’s mother said that Andrew has a special gift- the gift of making the people around him happy and I think she is right. He thinks of others and wants to make them comfortable in subtle ways.

I liked the way he took a moment to give his littlest cousin Chloe a ride on his back in the pool when he saw her playing by herself on the steps while everone was doing chicken fights.

The biggest problem is language. Google translate helps, but sometimes it says crazy things so we just giggle at it. Andrew got his first hard scold over bad behavior when Mark was trying to get him to work on English skills. He straightened up right away and seems to be taking it more seriously now. If he doesn’t pick up the language well now, what will happen when he starts school? He’ll be so far behind and he wasn’t a stellar student in Ukraine, either. We think he met their low expectations and think he will in turn rise to meet our higher expectations. He seems very smart to me.

This morning I’m taking him to the pediatric dentist and I expect to see them a lot. I’m making an appointment to bring him to the International Adoption Clinic at UAB next for a complete check up, but expect that he’s perfectly healthy.

Yes, I will write that other update about Nadia and Ruslan later today.

Home!

We’re Home
After an uneventful trip, we were met at the airport by lots of balloon carrying, flag waving, clapping happy relatives! Everyone was so excited to meet Andrew and he seemed to feel the same way. He is such an emotionally healthy, physically healthy, friendly child. It is amazing considering what an adventure it must be to be a child in a new country, with new family and unfamiliar foods and places and limited language.
It’s a little bit like adopting Curious George: he’s curious about everything, but he’s a good boy.
The first thing he said to me this morning was a spontaneous I love you. It’s really fun to give so much joy to a child. He seems to have gone through 70% of the stuff in our house so far and is excited and happy at everything he finds. When he tasted his first bite of fruit loops this morning, he said, “mmmmm, so good!” He’s eager to do everything and is full of joi de vivre. He’s already off playing soccer with a boy from across the street.
It was naturally bittersweet for us to come home to our home so full of Mary Evelyn memories. Andrew discovered her Barbie Jeep this morning and that alone caused a few tears. He noticed, and when we told him we were thinking of Mary Evelyn, he hugged us and said, “ne platch” which means don’t cry. It is very hard to be here without her, and an adjustment to be parenting another child so close in age, but it is also a great joy and will help us to live more fully while we wait to see her again.
I’m sure you are curious about the other two kids. That will be another update ;)

Like a Duck to Water

On our way home

Snap! Just like that, things started moving ahead at a blistering pace on Sunday, after our translator arrived.  She is a fast and smooth operator!  On Sunday we had the party for the kids in Sasha's group.  On Monday and Tuesday we ran all over, getting Sasha's new birth certificate and passport.  This stuff can sometimes take a week or more, but it was done by close of business on Tuesday, in time for us to go pick up Sasha and rush back to Kiev.  It was such a thrill to finally be getting Sasha and so see him off campus, wearing  the new clothes we got for him and  just enjoying his new life and even his first Happy Meal!  Seeing his pleasure of discovery in things as simple as the warm air hand dryer, fries with ketchup and a hamburger brought more joy to us than we would have ever expected.

Last night when we said bedtime prayers, we took turns between Sasha saying them in Slavonic and Mark saying the same ones in English. I got a little teary when Sasha listed each of the kids his his group by name in his prayer because it was so sweet. He has lived with most of them like siblings for two years and loves them. What a change for him, and for us.

So far he's adjusting  very well. He is obviously very happy, is eating a lot and wants to please us. Mark's diligent studying of Russian is paying off now as he's able to communicate pretty well with Sasha. I am still nodding, smiling and speaking English. I'm also calling him Andrew. Andrew did have his first time out today, but it was around the time each of us was feeling emotionally worn out anyway so a nap was timely and he woke up so pleasantly. There nothing sweeter than a child who knows his parents are in charge (for those few precious moments when you feel in charge that is).
 
We expect to be heading home soon. Today we had a bright and early start by going to the American Embassy to submit documents and then Sasha had a brief medical appointment for his visa. The doctor there said she thought he was very neglected as a child but that he has no cognitive or mental abnormalities. We agree, with the right opportunities, he is going to bloom. We have one more appointment tomorrow at the American Embassy and then we are done! We plan to fly home on Friday!

Tonight we had dinner with one of our American friends who also just got his son out of the orphanage. We are so happy that God blessed us with this perfect timing once again! We met at the TGI Fridays and this time they brought a huge bowl of ice for us and I was almost as excited about my ice water as Andrew was about the big ice cream sundae he had after dinner!

So many new fun experience to look forward to at home soon! He's taken to being part of our family like a duck takes to water.

The Importance of Spelling

A bit more on our story line "B":

Last week, Ruslan, our soon-to-be-official son's friend, whom we've mentioned already, gave us a note with a misspelled word. The note said, I want nothing from you, I just want you to ...... me.

We thought it might have said adopt me, but all week he's been avoiding us. The alternate translation was I want nothing, I just want you to stop it with me. Interestingly, his older sister, Nadia, has walked by daily, and after we invited her to play volleyball with us and our Sasha, she's appeared at each of our visits and has needed only the slightest encouragement to spend time with us. She speaks less English than I speak Ukrainian so it's been a challenge for both of us, but I can see that she is a good girl, kind and loving to the younger kids and considerate of others.

We went to church again yesterday with the orphans. Once again, it was hot so Mark and I spent the last half of the service on the porch in the fresh, cool air. Naturally, many of the teens were also out there and it was remarkable how well behaved they were. At the end of the service, there was a procession outside to bless the water of the well. The church is still being built and the well looked new. As the priest sloshed everyone with holy water I could see his love for the children and got a glimpse of his sense of humor, too. Priests always seem to enjoy getting you a little too wet!

After church we walked back to the school  surrounded by happy little children vying for our attention. There was a quiet moment while the little ones were changing into play clothes and Nadia took advantage of it to tell me that she wants us to be her parents. I couldn't begin to explain the complications of adoption or even our mystery concerning her brother so I just hugged her. It is dangerous being here. The children want a family so badly. I am sure that there are others who want us to be their parents too. The sad part is that most of them will never be adopted because they are teenagers and that scares off people  who  haven't met them.

Luda, our translator, arrived yesterday after we returned from the school. We showed her Ruslan's note and she couldn't read it either.  She said the important word was so misspelled it didn't make sense! Anyway, we were very busy all afternoon. We went to the market, which had many individual stores in metal stalls, and bought more clothes for Sasha. We also bought fruit and ice cream bars for a going away party for his class. We drove to the school and arrived shortly before dinner. We gave the children in Sasha's class each a banana to enjoy while we washed the fruit. Ruslan saved his to share with Nadia so we gave him two. He was giving us sweet smiles today and was being very helpful with the party preparations while the others kids played with our iPad.

 Luda took Sasha aside and asked him about Ruslan. Sasha told her that Ruslan thought he wanted to be adopted by us but then decided he didn't because he has a family that visits sometimes. Ok, mystery solved, apparently I misunderstood Nadia,  but that didn't seem possible. A few minutes later, Luda was alone with Ruslan while he was helping with the fruit and she asked him about it all and he said he wants us to be his parents. He said he knows his mother will never take him out of the orphanage and he wants a family and he likes us very much. She told him that we can't take him right now but that we like him very much too. This seemed to relax him and he seemed happier.

The class went to dinner. We sat with them and our thoughtful Sasha brought each of us a thick piece of bread topped with a square of scrambled egg. Mark was good and ate his, I ate my bread and discreetly disposed of the egg. Ruslan gave Mark his own drink. Towards the end of the meal, we passed out platters of grapes and strawberries for the class. They ate them all up and clearly enjoyed the fruit as a special treat.

After the end of meal prayer, we went back to the hallway outside their rooms and passed out the ice-cream bars. They have a new classmate so we were one short. Ruslan first tried to give his ice cream to Mark and after much insisting, not wanting to hurt his feelings by rejecting his loving gesture, Mark took a bite and gave it back.  When Ruslan saw we were one short, he then tried to give it to Sasha who had passed them all out and was not complaining that he hadn't gotten one. Sasha wanted Ruslan to have it. I'm not sure if they shared it or what, but the last I saw they were each insisting the other have it.  These kids don't get ice cream very much and the other kids were savoring every mouthful. The littlest one, Vanya, who is the sunshine of the class, took little licks and enjoyed it for so long I was amazed it didn't melt before he finished.

Sasha seemed to be on top of the world. He is so happy he just sparkles. He filmed the kids eating ice cream and goofing around. We were playing a game of balloon volleyball when Nadia and the 14 year old Sasha joined us. The older Sasha is very polite, friendly and would be a delightful son also. Nadia and Luda had a long talk by the window and cleared up everything. Nadia was able to interpret Ruslan's misspelled word which can be translated as take- I just want you to take me with you. I imagine they've been talking a lot this week.

After we left the school, Luda explained that because Nadia will be 16 in a couple weeks, if we or anyone else wants to adopt her, the paperwork would have to be done now, before her birthday. So we need to decide right away and get moving on it.
 
We came here thinking that ten was older than we would want to adopt and suddenly here we are adopting a nine year old and seriously considering coming back for a 13 and 16 year old. Life is full of surprises.  

A group of happy friends at Sasha/Andrew's going away party (Ruslan is on Sasha's right)

A great picture of a happy Tato and son!

A great picture of a happy mama and son!

 


  

Comfy

Sasha has gotten very comfortable. Yesterday, after visiting with the group, he wanted us to take a walk. We went outside the walls of the orphanage and down a dirt road to a pretty meadow. We sat in the grass and had yogurt for a snack. We'd only brought two yogurts and I chose not to have one. He thought it was delicious. He mixed a little of Mark's in with his and then got out a spoon for me and insisted I taste it. I've been a mother a long time and have had to endure plenty, so I don't gross out as easily as I used to so I took a tiny, tiny taste and was rewarded by his delighted face.

After the snack, we sat in the grass and taught Sasha to play UNO.  He sat in Mark's lap while we played and enjoyed the beautiful weather.  at one point Mark said (in Ukrainian) "I'm very happy", to which our boy immediately replied, "Me too!"  After a while a little rain cloud came up and we heard thunder. It looked otherwise pretty clear to me, but Sasha insisted we go back right then. He got us packed and went off down the road, holding Mark's hand. I lagged behind so I could take this photo:

Sasha turned around and asked Mark to wait up for me and took my hand too. It was sweet. Then of course, being a boy, he abruptly moved on to hitting things with sticks and other such things until we got back to the school. We were barely inside before the rain poured down. Truly he's a country boy who knows his weather!

Today's visit had barely started when two teenage girls and a teenage boy joined us. They stayed with us for the rest of the visit so Mark played with the boys and I had frustrating attempts at conversation with the girls. I think they are nice girls and wish I could talk with them. The more time I spend with various teenagers, the more I understand people who come here just to adopt teens. They are winsome in their own way and need homes as much as the little ones.

Meanwhile, the boys were having a blast roughhousing. Sasha was riding on Mark's shoulders and wearing him out.

The other boy was having fun with them too and was very cute. It was very fun to see this.

After our taxi ride back to the hotel, Mark and I went to our favorite pizza place for lunch and then walked over to a store to buy Sasha an outfit. We'll get him to try it on tomorrow. We stumbled on a bathing suit, which caught Mark's eye because Sasha has had so much fun playing a pirate video game on the iPad.  When we pulled it out of the package and saw that it was a "speedo" style with a pirate skull on one side of the butt Mark thought it was so funny, he wanted to buy it,  but I refused.  I'm sure Sasha would have loved it, but ....no. 

It was hard to find a complete outfit. They must not import or buy clothes as much as we do in the USA because the selection in the stores is much smaller and the clothes cost more. There's no Target, that's for sure.

After our shopping, we stopped by a bakery to get a treat before returning to the hotel where we made instant coffee and sat down for a desert. Ick. Baked goods here often look better than they taste but really, these were hardly edible. If I wanted to move to Ukraine, I'd open something like a  Piece of Cake bakery in Kiev and soon have made a fortune, well except for the "fees" and things that you need to pay to keep things running smoothly...  

We only have two more taxi rides over to see Sasha because Luda is coming on Monday. She'll help us translate and get ready on Monday and then Tuesday and Wednesday we'll be getting paperwork done. Hopefully, one of those days will be Sasha's last day in the orphanage.. We'll travel with him to Kiev to finish up more paperwork before bringing him home!

  

Want Mother

We didn't realize it, but Sasha was singing or something in a performance this morning at the orphanage and when we arrived, we had to wait for a long time before we saw him. As we waited, we were soon surrounded by increasing numbers of very cute 8-11 year old orphans, some of whom must be from another school because we'd never seen them before. They were excited by the novelty of being around Americans and of course loved our iPad. Even with all the excitement, they were still good about taking turns playing games on the ipad and being downright adorable.

One of the boys, Edward, was particularly good with the English word games and we praised him for it. He's in Sasha's group but has always been a little reserved around us before. With the praise, Edward became more comfortable and after a few minutes he put together a sentence that broke my heart: I want mother. He immediately got a little shy after that outburst.  A few minutes later, Sasha came down the hall. I saw him first and greeted him with a big hug. He has been good about sharing us, but soon wiggled his way inside the huddle of kids to be right next to Mark and was happy when Mark noticed him. 

We soon went outside with him. On the way, we saw some women from the Regional Office who had helped us and I was very happy to have the chance to introduce them to our new son. They were delighted to meet him and congratulated us. 

Sasha is increasingly comfy with us. We read Go Dogs Go! again and he named four of the dogs: Sasha, Thomas, Tato and Mama. He used our Ukrainian-English dictionary on the iPad to write: We are going to America. We are very happy.
He ate lots of fruit we'd brought for a snack and then ran off to get a drink. We followed and saw him drinking water out of a big dirty old pickle jar that was left by who knows who, who knows when. Mark brought the jar into the sunlight and showed Sasha the dirt and debris floating in it and he realized it was gross and pretended to spit it out. Funny boy, he really needs parents. We had just started a game of volleyball when Rouslan's sister Nadia walked by. We invited her to join us and the four of us had a good time. Rouslan himself has been keeping a safe distance from us since his note. 

It is clear that many if these kids wish they could have parents. Several teenagers as well as little kids have been vying for our attention. I have been amazed at how well behaved these kids are and how emotionally healthy they seem to be. One of my friends in America said that some of his friends get tattoos and other of his friends adopt and it seems both kinds of friends keep going back for more. It is hard to resist these sweet children who long for families. I'm very glad that the first two groups of three kids that we visited have already been adopted, and I hope that someone will come for these kids. We are the first foreign adoption for this orphanage, but hopefully more people either Ukrainians or foreign people like us, will choose to adopt.

Sasha's smiles, Edna 's tears and Mark's determination to make it all work out

Sasha is very happy about being adopted. he likes to show the other kids the little photo book of our house and pets. He's enjoying the attention from us and from his peers. it's very sweet, in a 100% boy way of being sweet.

I have continued to have my ups and downs Sometimes I want to run away to 2008, but that is impossible and I have to build a new life. I know I drive Mark crazy sometimes, but the adoption has a way of highlighting the loss of Mary Evelyn for me and it can add to my grief. I am sure it will get better in time, and  because of the way this has unfolded, I believe that we are doing something good so I'm moving forward, hoping that my emotions will follow in time.

Saturday evening we'd just had another such moment of me crying and Mark being frustrated when we had to go to Vespers. The woman who hosted us for tea had invited us. It was a lovely service and when I thought the service was over, I went outside to wait for Mark on the church steps. The service, like Orthodox services have a way of doing, continued on longer than I expected and I was just considering if I should go back in when a young girl introduced herself to me. She spoke in nearly perfect English and was absolutely charming. Her father is the priest of that church; the woman we had tea with before, who is not the Matushka (which is the title for the priest's wife--btw, shows how charades can give you the wrong idea), had called them so we could meet. The girl, Sophie, introduced us to her sister and father. He kindly offered to take us for a ride to visit the other Orthodox churches in this town. We were delighted.

We drove around Kovel and stopped by one beautiful church after another. Most of them were brand new as the Communists had destroyed nearly every church in this town.  Most of them now have congregations of about 100 families. When we arrived at various churches on our tour, many were still having vespers so we could go inside briefly and sometimes we met the priest. There were about 12 churches including one that is a monastery. The monastery and its church were also destroyed by the Communists, and our priest/tour guide told us that the bodies of many monks were discovered on the site, those who were summarily martyred at the time the buildings were destroyed.  There is one new monk who is rebuilding; the new church will rise from the very spot of the original one,  where so many hallowed remains were discoveredI.  The location was especially lovely, just outside the town on a little island. It was very peaceful on the island and I wondered at the faith if this one monk who is working so hard by himself to re-establish the once thriving monastery.

here is a photo of one of the newest churches:

 

We felt comfortable with Sophie and her family and enjoyed our time together.  she is a wonderful translator, and it was interesting to get to talk to her parents about many things.  God gave us a  lovely blessing by providing such kind new friends here and it made me think about how that will be one of the simple wonders of heaven: I expect that we'll become friends with all kinds of people we never would've met on earth and we'll have plenty of time to get to know them.

When we came home to the hotel at the end of the evening, Mark said it could be inspiring to me to see how these people are rebuilding after loss.  Leave it to Mark to turn it into an object lesson. How do I live with this man!?

The next morning we went to church with the orphans. It was so hot and stuffy in church that one little girl fainted from the heat. Afterwards, thankful to be in the cool outside air, we walked back across the street to the school with the kids.

There is a little boy named Ruslan who caught our eye from our first visit to the orphanage.  He is Sasha's best friend, and despite an early life of extreme deprivation, he exhibits a poise, intelligence, sweetness and responsibility that have amazed us.  Mark had given him a little gift on Saturday, and when Mark saw him and Sasha playing with it on Sunday, Mark asked him if he liked it.  He gave a big smile and nod and them eagerly whispered something in Sasha's ear.  Sasha then turned to Mark and asked to call our translator, presumably to deliver Ruslan's message.  After trying unsuccessfully to reach Luda on the phone, Mark asked Ruslan to write down what he wanted to say to him. He wrote a short sentence and gave it to Mark with a nervous smile and a gesture that it was a secret.  As this was going on, another little boy was crying, the little girl who had fainted was still out of sorts, and the kids seemed more tired and somehow younger than usual and I couldn't help thinking how much they all need parents.

After we left the school, we tried to translate the sentence and only got the first part : I want nothing from you.  We were very curious about the second part which had a crucial word that we couldn't decipher. Later in the day we went on a picnic to a lake with Sophie and her family and she translated the whole message for us : "I want nothing from you,  I just want you to adopt me."

Oh my! The first answer is it's not possible right now as we've used up our SDA appointments. The second answer is we will go home, get adjusted and see. This tugs at our hearts as we are actually quite taken with this boy, too, but it's not simple. He is almost 13, has living parents who visit, several older siblings in their twenty's and one older sister who is almost 16. She seems to be a lovely girl and we would want to adopt them both if we adopted Ruslan. We have been considering it, but it is not wise to make promises you don't know for sure you can keep so we are handling this carefully. Our translator, Luda, will help us talk to them next week.
 
We had a quiet and pleasant visit with Sasha this morning. Like Mary Evelyn, he'd rather play than read or study, but we spend part of each visit working on developing English skills (he knows about 20 words) and reading things like Go Dog, Go! Sasha will have to do better with English than I have done with Ukrainian or we're in big trouble! Like me, he gets by with big smiles and gestures. Smiling and pointing is good for somethings, but not much. Oh well, the most important thing is he seems like a very emotionally healthy child and is certainly smart enough to pick up the language when he realizes he must.

The hotel is hosting a big, loud party right now. Wow. Maybe we should crash it?  
I think we'll just have coffee and desert in our room tonight. We took a long walk earlier and picked up a little cake! yum! I love life in Kovel. The people can walk to everything they need, even to a loud, wild hotel party on a Monday night!
 

Court Date

At noon today Mark and I entered the courtroom along with our translator, two witnesses, a representative from the orphanage and a local official. The first thing I noticed was the big cage where the accused would sit if it were a trial. Thankfully, we sat on a little bench outside the cage because we were just gathered to meet with the judge so he could grant our adoption petition. It was very simple and not scary at all.After a few procedural questions and a half hour break to deliberate, our petition was granted and Sayid became Andrew Alexander King! Everyone happily congratulated us and said they were glad that Sayid would have a family and a home.

There is a ten day waiting period (during which appeals could be made) until it becomes official on June 7th. On June 7, we travel to the town where Sasha was born to get his birth certificate and his Ukrainian passport. We should be able to get those documents and then pick him up from the orphanage by June 9th. Then we,'ll travel to Kiev to go to the American embassy for a quick medical exam for him and a visa so we can go home! Hopefully, we'll be home by about the 12th.

After our court appointment, we went to the school to see Sasha and tell him about it all. Thankfully, our translator, Luda, was still with us so she could explain it to him. He didn't have to apoear in court with us because they simply accepted the letter he wrote saying he wanted us to adopt him. Sasha looked a little nervous, but was really very happy. Luda also talked to him briefly about Mary Evelyn and told him that sometimes mommy cries because she misses Mary Evelyn, but that doesn't affect how we love him or how happy we are about him. We wanted him to be told that now while Luda was here and could answer any of his questions. He didn't have any.

After that, Luda needed to meet with the Director, who is very impressed with her, and we were left alone our new little son. He sat happily in Mark's lap and played games on the iPad. We had a short but happy visit today.

This evening, Mark and I went out for ice-cream. On our way back to the hotel, we walked by the church I wrote about in the last post. The same woman was there and she insisted we come into her house for tea and cookies. She must be the Matushka - the priest's wife. We sat and drank tea, ate cookies and tried really hard to understand what she was telling us for the next hour. We really had no idea most of the time because neither of us speak Ukrainian, but she was very kind, friendly and enthusiastic. We did a lot of smiling and nodding while she expressively tried to tell us things we had no clue about. I told Mark that we must have missed out on some great stories. Mark said that the way we felt was how Sasha will feel for the first weeks in America, like he's with kind, friendly people who seem to have nice things to say but he'll have no clue what we are saying. It was a good experience for us.

Our family is very excited about their new brother/ grandson/ nephew/cousin and it'll be lots of fun to bring him home and introduce him to everyone! Thanks for all your prayers.

Oil of Gladness

Mark  reminded me of the verse he wrote in the beginning days about sowing in sorrow and reaping with a shout of joy. I said there was joy, but didn't think the real shout of joy would happen for me until we're all together with Mary Evelyn. It feels like there is such a big part of my heart missing, I said I couldn't imagine a shout of joy even in these happy times. Mark disagreed and said I was wrong to not be more open to a joyful future. He reminded me that Mary Evelyn herself said she wanted people to be happy when they thought of her. We got into what we agreed was a rather ridiculous semantic argument about what constitutes a "shout" of joy vs just regular joy, and finally, tired of ourselves, decided to take a walk since it was late in the afternoon.

We had only walked a few blocks when we heard the sound of singing. It was coming from a nearby church. We were not dressed for church and were on our way to get coffee and tiramasu, so we just stood outside the gate and listened for a few minutes. A woman approached us and invited us inside. We showed that we'd like to but were not dressed appropriately.  She said it didn't matter and led us in anyway.  She got a scarf for me and then arranged it correctly on my head and motioned for Mark to come in, too.  He was hanging towards the back so the "babushkas" (old women) wouldn't be scandalized by his shorts and t-shirt in church.  But again she insisted and led him in with me to the center of the small but beautiful new church.  The icons were particularly wonderful. It was the end of a versperal liturgy, so after a few more minutes we got anointed with oil, then the service was over. She gave us holy water to drink and asked us in Ukrainian where we were staying and how long we'd be here. She invited us to come back next Sunday. She was one of the friendliest people we've met so far on this journey and her kindness had a greater effect than she may have imagined.

Here is a photo:

We walked on our way to the restaurant feeling lighter of spirit. I told Mark that I actually felt happy. He said that the anointing oil is for healing, but it's also the oil of gladness. It certainly was for me as I felt more peaceful than I have in a long time.  It truly seemed a divine intervention that we passed that way just then and were compelled to come and receive that anointing--a message to confirm that God has joy prepared for us. 

After our tiramasu, we walked to the river which was lovely. Lots of families were enjoying the park, having picnics, fishing or just walking like we were.  There were lots of dandelions in the fields, making it look like a "wish" paradise. Mary Evelyn, like most children, loved making wishes and would really like the way no one in Ukraine seems to think dandelions  are weeds. They grow freely in yards and look pretty. We took this photo to show you that children are correct, dandelions are flowers:

When we got home, I checked my e-mail and was surprised to see that my friend Robert had e-mailed me a story about a woman whose family died and she didn't want to keep living. In the story, she grieves so heavily that she doesn't accomplish the tasks in life that God had for her and she dreams that she dies and the family members who she longed to see in heaven are surprised to see her  and are sad for her because she came to heaven without doing what she was meant to do in this life. She realizes that Her deep grieving didn't honor them when it kept her from doing what she needed to do here.

Say amen or say ouch. Well, I know that grieving is part of my current experience. I also know the loss of a child is a lifetime loss and there will never be a time when I'll not feel that, but at the same time, while I'm alive I need to do what is in front of me to do and I should be open to the experience of joy.

Sasha certainly has no problem with joy even with the losses he's faced. Today, he was very happy eating chocolate frogs, playing frog checkers with me and being silly with Mark. It is amazing how happy the children are at the orphanage. They all have much to grieve, but they are playful and certainly joyous. Even the teenagers look happier than many more fortunate teenagers I've seen at home.

Here are a few shots from the playground today: 

Sasha's group

Here's our boy with his happy group. Can you see why we want all of them? The future American is in the green shirt.

Days and Nights

During the day, Kovel is a lovely small town. We are staying in quiet, modern (for Ukraine) hotel near the center of town. We have a little suite which is clean and pleasant. During the quiet afternoon while Sasha is in school, we walk through the parks in the sunshine with the other residents, enjoying the spring sunshine and watching the happy children scamper and play. The houses in Kovel seem almost purposefully distressed because the way the colors have faded and chipped is so picturesque. There are nice stores and  small churches along with restaurants and other businesses lining the quiet streets. Every now and then you pass a horse drawn wagon or see an ancient looking babushka, wearing a long sleeved dress, heavy shoes and wool stockings,  and a head scarf tied under her chin while she naps in her cheery garden. I've noticed an old man selling home made brooms made out of bundles of sticks on the side of the road away from town on the highway. He sits sleepily next to his rickety bicycle and  only has 3 or 4 brooms. It seems like an odd business plan to me, but there he sits, patiently waiting for a sale each day, looking like an image from another century.

At night,  the mood changes and first we hear a big thumping techno party downstairs at our hotel which will go on into the wee hours. After the party ends, it seems like the ghosts come out. There are all kinds of strange noises outside. Sometimes it sounds like a man speaking into a megaphone followed by big bangs. The street dogs bark for so long I wonder how they keep up their enthusiasm for it. Car alarms go off and people yell to each other and the trains make noise in the distance. 

I don't really think it's ghosts, but if a place were to be haunted, this town would be a likely candidate if only from the misery that went on here in the first half of the 20th century. First, the Russians came in and violently enforced communism and then the famine of 1932-33  caused many deaths.  Less than 10 years later, the Nazis captured this area. As the Soviets retreated, they murdered and tortured priests, townspeople, even the local Abbot. Then the Nazis got control and decimated the Jewish population. They rounded up many Jews and made them wait to be executed in their own synagogue. Many of them wrote messages in pencil on the walls of the synagogue for their families and later someone copied those messages into a book.  It's amazing that there were people left to rebuild, but there were and they did.

 Kovel is situated on a lovely river. The orphanage is in a smaller town nearby and is on a quiet street with neat little houses and farms. We drive over each afternoon in a taxi.  Sometimes  we pass a farmer taking his three cows home. It looks funny because he's walking them home in the middle of the street. Beyond the orphanage, the farms turn into peaceful woods.

Today when we visited Sasha we got to see his whole group for a little while. They are all very sweet. I took a photo of him showing some of them our iPad. He was having fun showing the other kids what to do, but then left it to play soccer with Tato. We read a story in English, practiced color words (Ukrainian for us, which Sasha enjoys teaching us, and what a generous and patient teacher he is, and English for Sasha) and did a little math. In between, he played Q-Bert (also Tato's favorite!). It was another happy and relaxed visit.

Tonight we're listening to the techno-pop from the party downstairs, distant dogs barking and those loud bangs and odd yells. Tomorrow, it'll be another peaceful, sunny day in this lovely small town and another happy visit at the orphanage with our precious new son. With every visit we feel more endeared to him by his good, fun and sweet manner.  How happy we are to see that he seems to be perfectly normal and healthy and, with each visit, more relaxed and happy with his mama and tato.  It's good that after every scaryish night there seems to be a happier day.

BMOC (Big Man On Campus)

A lovely, quaint house near our hotel:

 

Our first days together

We've been bad not to update in three days while all this goodness is going on--sorry about that!  But in this case, it is true that no news is good news.  

We're doing great.  Things are moving along with an almost miraculous speed and smoothness.  After the wonderful turn of events last Saturday, where we left off, we had another good visit on Sunday.  In that visit, we asked Sasha to read to us.  He ran to his room and came back with what he said was his favorite story.  It was in a book of spiritual children's stories and was about a child who prayed for healing and was told to go with his parents to a particular church where he prayed before a miraculous icon and by God's power, he recovered.  So precious that our little boy has such a tender and pious heart that this would be his favorite story.  Our translator was very touched by it.  She said his reading was about on a 7-year old level, which is understandable since he is nine and has only been in the orphanage learning for two years now.

Monday started with a trip to the orphanage with a regional official to get the official "yes" from Sasha.  He had to compose a handwritten letter confirming his desire to be part of our family.  A litlle cliff hanger again, but not too bad...just a few sober stares into the abyss of unknowing, then he focused and reconfirmed what he'd said on Saturday and began his letter.  After getting his letter, we left and our coordinator/translator started in earnest driving all around getting paperwork done, and the orphanage took Sasha to another town to have blood drawn for HIV and other tests.  We'd hoped to get to visit at the end of the day, but he didn't get back till late, so that was that.

Yesterday, by the end of the day our translator/coordinator had everything she needed to take back to Kiev in advance of our court hearing which she got scheduled for next Thursday, the 26th, at noon.  It sometimes can take a couple of weeks to get done what we've done in three business days, but everyone really wants to help us.  After getting quick and happy service from the regional office here, as we left we thanked them sincerely and one lady responded (in Slavic) "Bless the Lord!", to which we say Amen.

Before the day ended, our translator wanted us to return for a short visit with Sasha, especially to explain that she was leaving and that we'd be visiting him alone now for the next few weeks while we work on the adoption.  She also explained to him about his new name.  As we mentioned previously, he was given the name Sayid at birth.  Our plan had been previously to keep whatever name the child had and make it their middle name, and give then a new first name.  The name Sayid, an Arabic name chosen not because of any connection to an Arabic history but just because his mother had heard it in a movie, packs special baggage (maybe lined with plastic explosives?) that we don't think our boy needs to carry for the rest of his life.  Also, we like his baptismal name of Alexander (whence the nickname Sasha), and the orphanage director asked us to keep this name, which we are glad to do.  Our original plan had been to give him the new first name Andrew, so we're going to put it all together and the boy we bring home will henceforth be Andrew Alexander King.  We plan eventually to call him Andrew, but for now we've dropped Sayid and are only calling him Sasha, which may always be a nickname at home--we'll see.

So when our translator told him about his new name, it seemed to be another big thing to absorb (maybe especially no longer being Sayid?) and we thought he seemed like he might cry again.  Edna pulled out some M&M's for therapy and poured a pile into his sweaty little hand.  Even in his emotional state, that sweet boy first took a few and handed them to me, then few to Edna and to Luda before eating any himself.  Even though his runny nose and sweaty hand made them hygienically questionable, I happily took and ate my two.

So we're on our own now until next Thursday, when Luda, our translator, will come back to help us at court.  Each day we will go out and visit with our boy for about 1.5 hours--not longer so that he can continue his school work.  After court, we'll have another 10-day appeal period before the court's decision becomes effective.  So that means on June 6th, he will be our son officially!  After that, we get a new birth certificate with his new name, a new Ukrainian passport, and we head back to Kiev, where we'll get him a visa from the US Embassy and--finally, blessing God--COME HOME.

I'll leave you with a picture from today's visit, where we discovered that Sasha plays chess.  I like chess, too, so I'm looking forward to lots more matches!      

Day of Favor

We are overwhelmed today by God's blessing.  Yesterday brought an amazing turn of events that, in a way beyond our hopes, answered our prayer that we'd win the favor of the orphanage director.  We were very nervous because, as we'd said, no child has ever been adopted out of this school, presumably because the director is against foreign adoption.  Edna and I were gambling that it was based on his being devoutly Orthodox and didn't want to see his children going to non-Orthodox homes.  Apparently, our gamble has paid out.

We began the day very happy to go see our boy again.  We introduced him here by his legal name, Sayid, but found out yesterday that he was baptized when he came to the school and the director gave him the baptismal name of Alexander, the nickname for which is Sasha, so they call him by both names. We went to the school around 11:00.  When Sasha met us, I was carrying two bags of toys and things and, again, without being asked, he helped me by taking one bag to carry to the playroom.  We did some memory games which again confirmed he has normal intelligence (to us).  I also showed him my iPad, which of course he loved.  I had loaded several fun game apps which we played together.  He and Edna had a lot of fun playing connect four, and he started to loosen up and be a little silly, taking Edna's hand on her turn and forcing her to make bad moves.  

Meanwhile, our translator was doing some more research. Disturbingly, she reported that the assistant director had spoken to Sasha the night before and reported that he likes us, but said he wanted to stay in Ukraine.  We assumed it must be that he was being manipulated, because he only seemed to want to be adopted when we spoke to him.  We went outside and played for a while and someone came by and asked him if his father had come to play with him.  He said no, just guests (which of course, is technically correct, but would have been a chance for him to identify me as his father, if he had chosen).  So after that we left, feeling a little uneasy.  We planned to come back at the end of the afternoon to go to Vespers with Sasha and his group.

At the end of the afternoon, we arrived back and went to the area of the school where Sasha's group lives.  The assistant director showed us around and we were surrounded by the cutest group of 12 grinning girls and boys you've ever seen.  One little boy named Michola stood in a doorway and looked up at me and, wanting to show off his English skills, said with conviction, "one hundred!"  Charm factor off the charts.  They were all so sweet, we said we wanted to take them all home, and we meant it!  We walked over to the little church across he street surrounded by the children who were holding our hands and chatting with us, sometimes throwing in a random word of English.

During this walk over and in the church it was sweet to get to love on these children, to exchange little smiles and see how happy they were.  There were about 40 children in the chapel and, while we couldn't understand the words, the familiar structure of the Vigil service ticked by.  What good children--patiently standing with only a little fidgeting for the 1.5 hour service.  About halfway through, unexpectedly, the director walked in, so he saw us praying with the children.  At the end, along with the children, we went up and received anointing with oil and then returned to the school hand-in-hand with happy, chatty children.

When we got back to the school, the school nurse asked if we wanted to adopt a girl, too.  There was a 15 year old girl how had been following us from a distance and smiling. Evidently, she  hoped so much that we might adopt her that she sent the nurse to ask us.  We told her yes, but we are looking for a younger girl, and are not even approved for over 12 at this point.  Our hearts went out to that girl, though, especially Edna's.

Since he had seen that we were there in church, the director sent word that he wanted to meet with us right then (gulp!).  We were glad, though, to get on with it and went a little later to his office and sat down.  Body language and facial expression were not saying "something good is going to happen to you".  First question, in a rather aggressive tone, "Why are you here, and what do you want?". We said we wanted to adopt, and specifically came to Ukraine to adopt an Orthodox child or children. We also told him about Mary Evelyn and that we have an empty home that we want to offer to kids who have no parents.  With that, very slowly, things began to thaw.  He motioned that his heart went out to us and said that his daughter had also died several years ago at the age of 15. Then he was back to business and lectured our translator at length, the details of which were not all translated, but the basic picture is that he sees himself not as a public servant, but as a father to these children--good part being that he obviously cares a great deal about these children, and it shows!

We complimented him several times about the school and  how we can see the fruit of his loving labors in these children, all of whom appear to be happy, healthy, polite and devout.  There truly can't be a better orphanage in this country.  Downside to his devotion, for someone in our position, is that he obviously wants to protect "his" children from going into homes he wouldn't approve of (he didn't state this, but that's easily assumed).  So the fact that we were devout Orthodox parents, and he had probably been able to observe our loving interaction with the children opened his heart, I believe.

So then we got a shock when he suddenly said he's not against foreign adoption, and that actually, it was Sasha who said no to the Italian family last year.  He said he liked us and didn't want to see Sasha play games with us like he did with them, and asked if he could call him in and ask him to make a decision in front of everyone!  So a few minutes later there was our boy, and the director asked him for an answer and told him he shouldn't change it like he did before.  Poor boy looked terrified and just stared and thought.  I went over to him and gave him a hug and kiss and told him not to be afraid.  He started to cry.  Our translator called him over and held him and spoke reassuring words.  The director looked on kindly and encouraged Sasha to be honest and that he needed to look us in the eyes and tell us what he wants.  Finally, though timidly and terrified, he got it out:  "I want you to be my parents".  Wow.  He continued to look like the proverbial deer in the headlights for a little while, but as the Ukrainian adults chatted on about other things, our new little family had time to sit and soak in the new reality.  I got out the camera and started showing him some pictures.  He would point to Edna in this picture and whisper "mama", then one of me and say "tato".  Then he saw one in our house and  said "my room".  Sweet!  Then I thought of the video function on the camera we started taking videos of ourselves and the silliness broke out!  We had come a long way from Friday morning!

The director got so happy and friendly that he walked us all the way our to our car, joking and smiling and several time shaking our hands and giving us his blessing and best wishes.

We're heading back to the orphanage this morning and are looking forward to another special day. 

Good news--at last!!

Friday the 13th--supposed to be bad luck, but will be remembered in our home as a day of great blessing, because today, God willing, we met our son.

We arose at 4:15  this morning and were on our way in the van with our translator and her husband 1/2 hour later. We drove about 5 hours towards the border of Poland. The countryside was very pretty with lots of pasture land, blooming tress such as lilacs, and truly picturesque villages. Ukraine must be growing on me,  or maybe it's just the lovely spring, but it seems to be a more beautiful country each time we take a trip.

When we arrived in the region of the orphanage we had to pick up the permission forms before going to the orphanage. Usually the caseworker goes with us to the orphanage, but this time the regional director came along. He is a very kind man and spent the greater part of the day with us.

We drove down a country road,  by a field being plowed by a horse, and passed a new church that is under construction. It's across the street from the orphanage. The orphanage is comprised of yellow brick buildings with a courtyard in the center and surrounded by neat gardens. When we went inside, I was impressed first by the cleanliness and then by the attractiveness of everything. The children we saw looked healthy and happy- Mark described them to his parents as rosy-checked and they were. We even got to eat a normal child's lunch in their cafeteria later and it was delicious: soup, vegetables, mashed potatoes, bread and a thick fruit drink.

The Director will be out of town until Monday, so we spoke to other people who were helpful. After hearing a little more background information, we met Sayid.

He's a really nice boy. His eyes are a grey-blue and his hair is light brown. He looks perfectly healthy, not even thin, and seems well adjusted emotionally. I'm a professional educator, I'm admittedly biased, but still I'm confident he has a perfectly normal IQ. He put together a Lego car that we gave him easily, Then we played a memory game with him he gave me hints- even though he was losing point by helping me. He doesn't add numbers well in his head, but both Thomas and Mary Evelyn had trouble with memorizing basic math facts.Sayid told us his favorite things are music and reading books. He has a good sense of humor, he cleans up after himself and he is thoughtful of others. Are ya jealous?

We gave a him a small bear shaped cake as a treat. Without us asking, he chose to share it with us. He carefully broke off gave me one arm, Mark at the other arm, our translator a leg and the Regional Director got the bear's head before that good boy even took one bite. The cake was small, so he was being very generous.  His manners were always easy and thoughtful--the kind that only come  from a sweet spirit within. It is  remarkable considering the life of tragedy, abandonment and neglect that he lived until he came to the orphanage a couple years ago, the details of which we can't share here, but we already have heard enough to be amazed at the kind, open and happy boy we met today. 

As he was playing with a pegboard he made a car. Then he said he would write a word. He wrote mama. He gave me a sweet, shy quick smile when he read it. Then he became thoughtful and said that he wants to visit his mother's grave someday. I thought if I get to adopt him, I'm going to try to make that happen. He said he had one more word to write.  Our translator smiled and said "I bet I know what word", and he smiled and nodded as he spelled out "tato" which is Ukrainian for daddy. Mark got the sweet smile then. He told us in another conversation that he knew when we arrived that we were there to adopt him. He was very nervous when we first met him, but he relaxed as we spent time with him and he seemed happy. 

At the end of the visit, the Regional Director asked if we had made a decision. Mark and I didn't need to speak privately, we both said yes. Sayid wants to be adopted but the Regional Director said Sayid can give his answer on Monday.

We'll visit tomorrow and show him photos of our family, home and pets. We'll need to tell him about Thomas and Mary Evelyn. 

I feel at ease and peaceful about this. It's amazing considering how upset I was the other times. I had been thinking since the last group that I was expecting something unrealistic and that it really shouldn't matter which child we adopt- they all need homes- but Sayid seems to be just the right fit for us and if he truly was wanting an Orthodox home, then we may be an answer to his prayers.

On Monday we'll meet the Orphanage Director. The school is so nice and well run that I already respect him. He must do a wonderful job and he has the reputation of being very loving and devout. I hope everything goes smoothly for us and for little Sayid. 

We'll see our boy again tomorrow and I'll post photos afterwards.    

Sayid--our future son?

So, as it stands at this moment (words carefully chosen because stories, situations and laws change continually here, it seems), we are now planning to go see a boy named Sayid tomorrow--so it will be Sayid or no one that we bring home.  He is 9 years old and has no siblings and, officially, no family (but more on that on a moment).  Here is the lad's picture:

This was the final result of our tumultuous third appointment.  As we've explained, this was high-stakes because this is our last chance.  After a long and tedious two-week wait for this appointment, we had earnestly hoped that some new good 2-member sibling groups were going to come on to the database.  No such luck.  Only the kids who were already there before: two 11-year olds which were older than we wanted, a 7 and 8 year old pair who have turned down three other couples in the past and who are frequently visited by their grandfather, a number of single kids and pairs with major health problems, etc.  We were just about to decide to go for the younger sibling pair, likely to be refused by them, too, when the official pulled out Sayid's picture and explained that he is a devout Orthodox boy who was visited only once before, last year, by an Italian family, and he was going to go with them, but changed his mind because he wanted Orthodox parents, based on his priest's advice.  They also said that his mother died a few years ago and he has no father and no siblings, and no one has visited him in the orphanage.  He is,  by all accounts a good and obedient boy who goes to church of his own choice.  We were both moved to tears at his story and felt this was the boy for us--sounded like we were the answer to his prayers--almost a miracle given almost no foreigners seeking to adopt him would be Orthodox.  The biggest concern, from the information in his file was some kind of cognitive issue, but it wasn't mental retardation.  Weighing it all out after our appointment, we said he was our choice.

We could see right away that our translators were uncomfortable with this choice, and still haven't been able to understand why, exactly.  Our best guess is that it's because they've never dealt with this region and that makes them nervous.  Over the ensuing hours, the stories have gotten crazier and crazier, trying to get us to change our minds.  They've spoken to various people in the region and to the translator of the Italian couple who went last year, and have told us that the boy doesn't do so well in school, so they assume he has a low IQ, that he is actually a gypsy based on someone showing up at the school last year claiming to be his father, who appeared to be a gypsy, then later this theme was expanded to say that he had many gypsy relatives who were coming to the school, at least one of whom was threatening the school with a knife if they let the boy be adopted, so the director is afraid for his safety if he lets the boy be adopted.
  
Having still not dissuaded us, this morning we were told that the boy was not even Orthodox, but that he goes to some kind of sect with which the director seemed to be involved,  that he wants to keeps all the kids in the school for that reason, and that no child has ever been adopted out of this schoothat someone told her that the previous couple that tried to adopt was grilled for hours in his office on religious questions and that all women were forced to wear skirts and head coverings while in the school and that cell phones were not permitted.  These are just the high points in the insanities we've been told.

We began to feel beat down again and considered just coming home, but after so much crazy and conflicting information, we didn't know what to believe and it seemed the only way to find out was to go and see for ourselves.  We decided that, before making our decision (again), we'd request a clear answer at least on the question of whether he was Orthodox.  If so, then it may indeed be that the original story that touched us might be true and it would be worth trying.  Our translator called and at least that one bit of misinformation was laid to rest:  the boy is an Orthodox Christian and attends a church of the Moscow patriarchate--mainstream, vanilla Orthodoxy and by no means a sect.  So how much more was just lies and distortions to dissuade us (whoever it may have come from)?  We shall see for ourselves.

It may be true that the director will do all he can to prevent us from adopting, and it may also be true that the boy has a low IQ.  It may even be true that he has gypsy relatives--but that's a pretty hard one to imagine looking at the picture.  BUT, it may just as well be that the director, himself a devout Orthodox Christian, will be delighted for this boy to have an Orthodox home, even if he has resisted letting him go with others.  And it may be that there is nothing wrong with the boy, whatsoever, and the crazier the stories have gotten, the more I suspect that may be the case.  At this point, we have NO expectations, other than to expect the unexpected, and we are ready, if it is God's will, to be the answer to a little devout Orthodox boy's prayers for parents who share his faith.  Otherwise we come home.  God's will be done.

Written by Mark