how we ended up with both boys in private school and why a pirate bedroom helped us make that decision

 Last June we found ourselves in the midst of a major disagreement with our local school system, and Nick's pirate themed bedroom helped us make a big decision. Nick was 14, but size, bone, behavior, and hormone wise he was 12. He had been in 5th grade at the orphanage, but when we originally enrolled him in public school they insisted he be put in 8th grade and promised he'd be held back. Nick is very smart and made remarkable progress, enough progress that the school system advanced him to 9th grade. When Nadia was in 9th grade, she made all A's and B's without being able to speak or write English. It was meant kindly, but did not reflect her learning or what she probably could have done if held to some kind of real standard. We wanted Nick to have a chance to get a high school education so he'll be prepared for college, so in May, we asked that they retain him and give him one more year to catch up.

The school system did not return our phone calls at first, and then when they did, we couldn't speak to anyone until mid July. We finally got an appointment with a supervisor who made it clear Nick was not going to be held back. Convinced this was not in Nick's best interests, we contacted the assistant superintendent. He conferred with the person who had said no and then he said no. At this point, we were confused and angry. Why was the school system so invested in putting Nick up a grade when they knew he was small, immature, recently adopted, could hardly read and yet was hard working and smart?

We met with the Superintendent. He listened to our whole story and  let me explain the research which shows that chronological age is the least important factor when determining grade placement for children who have lived in institutions. I even described Nick's pirate themed bedroom to him as an  example of why maybe high school was not the best fit right now. He said he'd get back to us.

Years ago, we had looked into private school for Mary Evelyn, so we'd already knew which school best fit our family's needs. We called that school and asked if they would consider Nick's situation. They arranged for an interview and placement test.   As we waited for the superintendent to get back to us, we heard back from the private school. They were eager to enroll Nick, but wanted to place him in 7th grade because they thought that would be the best fit for him. After considering this, we enrolled him. A few days later, we met with the superintendent. He said he had consulted several experts and they agreed with what we had said about the placement of formerly institutionalized  adopted kids. He then offered to hold Nick back in 8th grade but we decided Nick would be best served by the private school.

Nick has had a wonderful year. He fits in better, has made lots of friends, has achieved a lot academically (even without any ESOL support) and  we're grateful  that we did what was best for him based on who he is, not how old he is. Nick is thriving. Andrew has had a positive experience at his public school, but  will be joining Nick next year at the private school for 6th grade. The small classes, loving teachers, and positive environment is just what they need to help them find ways feel more secure while making academic progress.

Andrew is actually just as far behind his age group as Nick and ironically it was the public school's choice to place him there when I wanted him moved up a grade! Oh well. So,  Nick will be old enough to drive himself to eight grade, but he has to wait to get a license until he's really ready, as in whole person ready. That's not now.

In the meantime, Nick gets to be a kid and while getting a chance to grow up physically. He is on growth hormones to help him attain a more normal adult height. His height was stunted due to poor nutrition ( as in not being fed) and other factors from his difficult childhood.  It's great to see him getting help for this. Every night he gets a shot and it seems to be working. He has grown a lot more in the last few months. He's still shorter than Andrew, but is making progress. Being in the younger grades has given him a chance to be a kid while he still wants to, but it's also preparing him for a more successful adulthood by letting him catch up.

For the record, this is not public school bashing, I'm a public school teacher myself,  but it is nice to see how in a smaller setting like our private school,  great things can happen without the burden of bureaucracy and how important it is to advocate for the best placement you can for your child.