Nadia sat in the sand on one of the most beautiful beaches in the world, her back turned towards the view of the lovely waves and cried. Her adjustment seems to lessen each day as she longs for her old life in the orphanage. She claims she intends to return to Ukraine the day she turns 18. She’s counting them.
Right now, she has dual citizenship, but at 18 they have to renounce one or the other- America or Ukraine. I shudder to think of the life she’ll have if she persists in this. She has no special skills or education that would enable her to support herself in Ukraine and the family she has there wouldn’t take care of her when she was a child, so I’m not optimistic about how helpful they’d be to her as an adult.
She has a future that is bright here, full of opportunities and a loving family hat welcomed her with open arms, but the struggle to learn the language and culture (?) seems to be discouraging her and she’s not trying. It's so much easier to retreat to her room and wait it out..
Sixteen is a hard time for any girl and being adopted at this age makes it even tougher.
As the parent, it’s hard to be patient and understanding, especially with such a new and tenuous relationship, but I remember that inside, she’s a scared child who has been through enough unahppy things to land her in an orphanage. Probably this is a normal post honeymoon adjustment phase that many kids have after such huge upheavals.
My job as adoptive parent is to stay sane, calm and keep above the rising tide of emotions that could engulf our family, while making sure behaviors are lovingly corrected and realistic futures are the ones we aim for. I've arranged for a translator for later this week and hopefully we can talk a lot of it out and help her get her head straight.
The other new kid, Nicholas, is as happy as a child could be. He’s speaking a lot of English, works hard on his schoolwork- he has already completed over a fourth of the third grade math book they are both doing on the computer- and is soaking up and giving back lots and lots of love. He’s made the leap into his new life and is full of love and happiness. I have understandable phone conversations with him.
ON the beach, while his sister mourned a life that she only imagines was that good, he had fun in the sand and made the most of the moment.
Our lives are full of opportunities, but you can’t really enjoy them without a grateful, willing and open heart.
Praying for that heart.
