Jumping In the Pool

Last night I dreamt that Mary Evelyn was dying and I was begging God on my knees to spare her life. Really living those days was so stressful that I was almost grateful when I woke up and remembered it has been over for almost six months. I know that may sound bad, but I’ve come to a more accepting view of death and it was horrible to watch Mary Evelyn suffer without being able to cure her. A couple of weeks ago, I was in the church nursery when a toddler started choking on a wheat thin. I picked her up and placed her across my lap, face down, and was about to smack her on the back when the cracker dislodged and she started protesting loudly. I was thankful that I helped this sweet baby and it was a healing experience for me. It was wonderful to feel like I had helped a child after feeling so helpless as Mary Evelyn died.

Adopting is a way to affirm life even while we are grieving. My parents set a great example for me of moving forward after tragedy. My mother was widowed with five young children. She mourned her husband (she cried for a whole year) and then moved forward with her children and created a happy home for them in spite of many difficulties. She got a good job, threw wonderful birthday parties and eventually found a new husband and father for them. My father was a single parent with two daughters so when Mom and Dad got married, they instantly had seven children. That seems a lot crazier than going to Ukraine to adopt 2-3 children, but that was the family I was born into (yes, I am #8) and so I feel a little silly when I let myself get too scared about adopting.

When Mark and I were first dating, I visited my sister Cathy and told her and her husband Kenny about Mark. Kenny, who had known me since I was thirteen, asked me if this was the one. He said, you’ve never really jumped in the pool. I thought about that and decided he was right. I’d always been so busy protecting my heart I’d never let myself be very open. I’d stuck my toes in the water, but never had the courage to jump in. I decided that if I was ever going to jump in the pool, I’d want it to be with Mark. Of course, as soon as I decided that, Mark stopped calling me and it took many months for things to work out, but in the long run we got married. My decision to be vulnerable caused me some immediate heartache, but brought joy later.

Adopting a child from another country is like getting married, but in some ways it’s even more of a commitment because once it’s done, you can’t get out of it without creating an international incident! We’re going to meet the kids in less than two weeks. They’ll become our kids days later. This is surely jumping into the pool again, but isn’t that what life is about? If you stay safe on the edge, when does your life really happen? You usually can’t accomplish anything great or meaningful without some risks taken.

I would not have chosen this, I’d have chosen to keep my girl here and cancer free. I did pray, many times, in real life for God to spare her life and let her stay with us. I miss her so much it’s hard to let myself think about her for very long right now. I would have wanted to have kept my sweet little Mary Evelyn with me, but it was beyond my control and in faith I believe that God had His reasons for this. In the weeks to come, God willing, we will have the opportunity to be a great blessing to children who need us. Although I miss my dovelet every day, I feel her presence in my life. The faith, courage and love that Mary Evelyn had inspires me and the silly fun way she lived life still brings me joy and lessens my grief. Hopefully, with God's grace, we can share that love and joy with her new little siblings.

With hope, faith and prayer, Mark and I are moving forward into our new lives, jumping into the pool with new kids, and trying to focus on our gratitude for the loving people who surround us in our grief and our joy. We can see the loving hand of God in our lives though your kindness and this helps us to have the courage and the capability to do something as crazy as go to Ukraine and bring home children.Thank you for your prayers and love throughout this time.

After church this Sunday, Father Jacob asked everyone to pray for Mark and me. We knelt in front of him and everyone gathered behind us. He prayed a beautiful prayer asking for God to help us on our journey, to help us find the right children and to keep us all safe. While he prayed, I felt hands of little children on my back and arms, softly patting me in a sweet way. It made me cry a little because it made me think of Mary Evelyn and her sweet little hands and how much I miss her, but it was good because I felt like she was there too, reassuring me and loving on me a little before our trip. There really were a couple little kids right behind me, so don't worry, I haven’t lost my mind.

We have one week before we leave and our house in is an organized chaos. I just painted the potential boy’s room today. I only painted 3 walls because the 4th has a cute farm mural. We’re getting new carpet upstairs on Wednesday, so the new to us children’s bedroom furniture is downstairs in the hall along with boxes of stuff from upstairs. The eat in kitchen area is full of the last boxes of Mary Evelyn’s things. Last week, my friend Tami came over and helped me finish packing them up. “You don’t need to look at that now, you can look at it later” she’d say when I started to flirt with grief and so by steadily working, we finished it.Those boxes will be stored in Mark's parents' basement and we can go through them again when we're ready.

Tami and I had fun organizing books and things for the new kids. Once the carpet is in and we move the furniture upstairs into the bedrooms, it will be really exciting to see how it all looks. Mark’s 15 page list of home improvements is getting finished and tomorrow I’ll be writing a new one: the get packed and ready to go list.

I’ve been picking up on Ukranian travel tips. Today I learned not to order the Ukrainian specialty called “salo” because it’s sliced salted lard. I’m looking forward to some adventurous eating, but not that. I'll try the “holubtsil” which are cabbage rolls made to look like doves and of course pirogues and borscht. I can't believe I'll be there next week!

Thanks for your continued prayers! PS If you are interested in adoption, Perimeter Church is hosting a Discovery Seminar on April 17th to teach people about the process: http://www.promise686.org/

Getting Ready

Mark and I have been busy getting ready. A few weeks ago, Mark created a list of household jobs or repairs that is 15 pages long. Really. The list included big things like organizing the garage (done!) and little things like clean the plantation shutters (done!). There are still lots of uncompleted tasks and not much time left.

We bought bedroom furniture on Craig’s list to furnish two bedrooms. If we get three kids, we’ll turn one bed into bunk beds. It has been fun to plan these rooms, redecorate the kids’ bathroom and play room and feel happy about being able to give something to children instead of just experiencing our heavy loss.

On Monday, our caseworker called us with our appointment date in Kiev. We will fly on April 5th in order to arrive on the 6th for our appointment on the 7th. The 8th will be six months to the day since Mary Evelyn died, and it’s both amazing and scary to me that things have moved so quickly. I was a nervous wreck all day Monday and kept making silly mistakes and not being able to concentrate.

We have no idea of who we are bringing home with us, but are hoping for a boy and a girl.We've prepared for two, however we may get three children or even end up with only one. We pray that God ( and ME) has picked them out already and it will fall into place according to His will.

Now we need a new list, a countdown list, of things to finish up, things to take care of before we leave, what to pack, and so on. Some things are happening just in time, like the refrigerator door needs to be replaced and it’s being installed the day before we leave. Other things will just have to wait.

In two weeks I’ll be in Kiev. Three weeks from today, I’ll have already met my new children and had a court appearance.
Oh my! Whose idea was this, anyway?

Adopted By God

When Mary Evelyn left us last October, she took only her spirit with her as she entered heaven. She left behind her toys, her fabulous wardrobe, her friends and her family. We prayed that her spirit would find peace and joy in heaven, and we hoped my (Edna's) parents would be there to welcome her. We realized that, in leaving behind her "home country" and everyone and everything she knew, and starting a new life in an entirely different place, her experience was similar to that of a child being adopted internationally: in a moment, they forever leave behind everything and go to a strange and new—albeit better—place to begin a new life. Mary Evelyn, in this sense, was "adopted by God".

In November, I (Edna) visited Mary Evelyn's second grade class. I wanted to thank them for being so kind to our family, so I brought Oreos in for them. It was hard to be there because Mary Evelyn's absence was so heavy on my heart, but God had a greater purpose for the visit than we dreamed. During my visit, Mary Evelyn's teacher told me about a program for hosting Orphans from Eastern Europe for a holiday. Hosting orphans seemed like a wonderful way to fill up our empty home while blessing children who otherwise wouldn't have a home for the holidays so we signed up to help.

We attended a training program for hosting families and decided to make the leap from hosting to simply adopting. Adopting is not a new idea for us. While Mary Evelyn was in remission, we were approved through DFACS to adopt American children, but it never worked out and naturally we dropped it when her cancer returned. After learning about the availability of children and the sufferings they endure in other countries, we decided that we would pursue adopting from Ukraine. We are hoping to adopt a sibling group of 2 or 3 children in the age range of 4-10. We will pick out children from a file at the government office in Kiev when we travel there in April.

Due to a lack of economic resources and entrenched societal problems left over from the Soviet Era, there are an estimated 100,000 orphans in Ukraine, many of them living in state run orphanages. The conditions at the orphanages are difficult and the children face challenges that we can hardly imagine. When they reach the age of 16 or 17, they leave the orphanages, often with no one to help them, nowhere to go, and few skills. Approximately 70% turn to lives of crime or prostitution.

Adopting children who are already several years old and come from a different culture will bring unique challenges. We are still dealing with our grief from the loss of our sweet girl and hope that this will help us understand the loss experienced by the children even as we build our new family. The Ukrainian children we're adopting have already experienced huge losses in their young lives; the loss of family, belongings and friends. When we adopt them, they even leave their clothes behind because the clothes they wear belong to the orphanage. They will leave everything to go with new people who can't even speak their language, but there is one important place where they will feel at home and that is our church. Ukraine is a predominately Orthodox Country so the children we adopt will almost certainly be Orthodox. They will have the opportunity to grow in their Orthodox faith, be a treasured part of our family and ultimately to have opportunities for a future they could hardly have dreamed of.

We are grateful for your faithful prayers for our family during Mary Evelyn's battle with cancer and after her death. We hope you will continue to intercede for us during this time. We are praying that God will lead us to adopt children that will fit in well with our family and who we can be a blessing to. We have been praying that God will protect them while they are at the orphanage and give them hope. We are hoping they will be sweet and have kind hearts that will blossom and grow in our home. We know that there will be many challenges as our family blends and are praying for grace during those times.