Thankful for My Good, Sweet Family

Nadia read a little note she wrote for us on Thanksgiving and it was basically that she is thankful for her good sweet family. She is eager to write Christmas cards to express her love for everyone. It’s hard to believe she is the same girl who was so defensive and unhappy just months ago. Uncle Ray has voted her “most improved”.

 

Nick is also happy and advancing in every way. He is getting all A’s. B’s and C’s in school without modification of the curriculum, at least without much modification which is extraordinary considering he’s doing eight grade now after coming to a new country, learning a new language, adjusting to a new family and he’s skipped 6^th and 7^thgrade. We’re hoping he soon starts to grow more physically more, but he’s happy. He’s the sunshine of the house most days.

Sometimes the other kids can be heard to say “I kill you later”, in an ominous sounding Eastern European accent, because they may not appreciate how easily Nick learns and how craftily he can outwit them, but he takes it all in stride and we have no favorites. We’re working on not giving so many death threats to family members.

The kids are better about lying. We had one dramatic weekend of very big and damaging lies, but discovered that part of it was that they will tell you whatever they think you want to hear, even if it’s bad because they are so fragile; just by accusing them of something they can break a little and confess to things they didn’t do, well, at least one of ours can but he shall remain nameless. So if you ask Nick did you buy pot from a stranger and he says yes, it doesn’t mean a thing because really there was no pot, there was no stranger. The mysteriously missing  money went to buy chips for his friends at school and he just thought that since we didn’t believe the truth, he’d better pull an Anne of Green Gables, confess to stealing Marilla’s locket, and get the punishment over with. (The cafeteria had the records to prove he bought chips and the drug test was also clear so why he said yes and provided details, oh my- it was some excitement!) That was a while back and he’s been fine ever since.

Andrew is still adorable, sweet and cute, but maybe a little less so since he’s been having a hard time remembering things he’s supposed to do or perhaps avoiding his responsibilities, seems at times to resent Nick, and has his own struggles to deal with. It’s been tougher in school for him, but we hope that working with his teacher we can help Andrew get back on the right track. Physically, Andrew is growing rapidly and is at the stage when he doesn’t know his own strength- and he’s strong.

Both of the boys have had to deal with temptations online. I guess most boys do in this world, but ours struggle at younger ages because they were exposed to bad things back in Ukraine. We don’t know what all they’ve been exposed to, but some of the things in their pasts are shocking.  I’m only sharing this because when you adopt old kids who look angelic, it’s easy to have false expectations.  Our kids are angelic in their ways, but like any kid who’s been neglected and abused, they’ve walked a dark path and need healing and help with icky things.

Our church took the teen group to visit a monastery in South Carolina. Nick and Nadia both said they didn’t want to go, but I made them go anyway. They ended up loving it.  They both loved the nuns, the garden, the goats, and being at the monastery chapel even though the church service was in Greek and they spent most of the day pulling thorny weeds with insufficient gloves. They both came back with more peaceful, loving spirits.

I have a chore chart for the kids and each day they do about 15-20 minutes of household chores. I almost never have to go behind and fix things and they are eager to help. I have been too lax on teaching Reading to them. The school only does so much, they need lots of help at home and need to develop study skills as well. They all have good grades!

The kids are excited about Christmas, but the older kids are a little sad about their biological family and the hard memories they have of cold, hungry, angry Christmases in the past. Each of us has the freedom to cry a little when needed, because naturally we have painful memories of sweet, happy Christmases with our daughter who we miss so much and that makes us sad, too.

Nadia and Nick have tried to call their family back in Ukraine but somehow the phone disconnects every time they say Hi this is Ruslan/Nadia, so they call the teachers at the orphanage who are always happy to hear from them. They plan to call and talk to some of the kids, too.

For some crazy reason, Nick and Andrew told someone to tell Edjick and Sasha to study hard, learn English and that good things may come to them and they’ll have a great life. Of course, Edjick wanted to call us after that and may have a false impression. We cannot go back for him, can you? Just putting it out there, he’s maybe diligently studying, is available and is cute…..

And don’t let this update scare you, well, maybe a little, but really they are great kids.

 

 

 

School Days!

The last time I wrote,  I was struggling with lots of tension and discipline issues. Thankfully, it’s all gotten a lot better. The firm, calm but really strict consequences we handed out to Nick were just what he needed. He straightened up and has become more eager to please, happier and  seems increasingly secure .

I was angry enough to be able to unload my false guilt ( I have to homeschool them because they’re orphans?) and happily enroll them in public school. I seriously was high fiving the people who were helping me fill out the paperwork to get them enrolled in school.  I’ve teased the kids that while they are at school, I’ll be drinking lemonade at the pool in a bikini.

  I 've continued to do lessons, but made them optional for the kids. They’ve all come eagerly to every lesson because they want to learn and they realize my time is a hot commodity. They’ve made a lot of progress since July. We gave them a 60 word spelling test a couple weeks ago and all of them had most of the words right. The boys completed the summer reading program at the library and both of them read their first real chapter book.

The kids were all excited about back to school shopping. They were grateful for their school supllies and a little jealous if one got more than another ( due to differring  classroom needs). We went to the open houses and met their teachers and were impressed by their kindness and professionalism. Nadia and Nick were both understandably anxious, but Andrew felt like he was right back where he belongs and went around hugging people.

Nadia is a ninth grader and is taking mostly reading classes and fun electives with the goal of getting her GED in a couple years. She doesn’t have enough time to get all the credits she’d need to graduate by the time she’s 20 so our goal for her is immersion, language and hopefully  to spark an interest in learning. She is making friends with a girl who speaks Spanish. It would be fun to be a fly on the wall and listen to them communicate!

Nick is thriving in eighth grade. He is able to understand much of what the teachers say, seems to be able to do his homework with just a normal amount of help, and loves school. He has already made lots of friends and the girls love to listen to his accent- which both pleases and embarrasses him. He needed to be in a more active and enriched environment than I could provide at home and I’m happy to see his enthusiasm and hear his funny stories. He is rising to this challenge with gusto.

Andrew is very happy to be back at his old school with his friends. Thanks to the intense reading and math we did this summer, he is more prepared to do much of what the other kids are doing, I hope. In any case, he can read much better than in June and is happy.

I’m glad I homeschooled them to teach them how to read and get them acclimated to our family, but am grateful now to send them off to school. Naturally, I’ll need to continue with reading instruction in the evening, but they are more eager to learn now that they see what the other kids can do.

I’d write more, but the dog park is calling my name and I have the free time to actually go there and have fun.

Yay public school!

Views from the Frying Pan

I was complaining about my life to my brother and he said that when he looks out his window, he sees the ocean and beautiful mountains. He’s an artist and he lives on a lovely island not too far from Seattle. He gains perspective from his serene view because he chooses to focus on the good and the lovely.

We’ve had some tumultuous times lately, but we try to focus on the positive. Andrew and Nadia are both doing very well and, if anything, are enjoying “good rabbit” status.

Nadia had ten days at Aunt Angela’s house and it was English and girl immersion. She had a few little bumps on the trip but Angela set them straight and Nadia returned home happier than I’ve ever seen her.

While she was gone, the boys had a lot of fun too. The high point was getting to go camping with Daddy and Uncle Ray. They went to the North Georgia Mountains and had a wonderful time hiking, swimming, and sleeping outside. They found a waterfall off the beaten path and hiked a little on the Appalachian trail.

I reveled in my solitude and felt happier and more at peace than I had in a long time.

Mark and the boys returned on Sunday night, so we started school again Monday morning.

Feeling refreshed, I launched into a fun lesson. We began with a nonfiction story about the race to be the first at the South Pole. I went over background info with a globe and even let them watch a clip of Sponge Bob opposite day to illustrate the concept of opposite (since the seasons are opposite on opposite hemispheres).

We did a short reading lesson and then I sent Nick off to do math, while I helped Andrew write a story about their camping trip. We use math on the computer and he is highly successful. I told him to do an hour--half now and half later--because I want to hurry him along to get on grade level. He’s almost 14 and is doing 4^th grade math.

He cheerfully went into the other room but then called to me that the computer wasn’t working. Oddly enough, it was the same malfunction that had happened on his math last week. Hmmm.

Last week I struggled and struggled to fix it and finally just let him skip a disk so he could keep working.

This week, I looked at the back of both disks. Disk #2 had a little scratch. Disk #3 had scratches all over it, like a child wanted to ruin it.

He firmly denied it, even a little offended at being accused, but I knew what had happened. I called Mark and he came home from work. As soon as Mark asked him what he did to the disk, Nick owned up to scratching it. We sent him to his room for the week (he comes out for food& bathroom and he got the day off for the 4^th of July, but we did not resume the easy going love fest that we used to have).  He also cannot swim for the rest of the summer and must pay us back the $100. Sound strict? We need to be strict or risk losing control altogether. He must see that his duplicitous, deceptive behavior and his lying do not pay. He must see that destroying other people’s property has severe consequences.

The 4 disk set costs $100 ( just bought them  a couple weeks ago) and now two of the disks are ruined, but that is not as bad as the fact that he did it twice, watched me struggle to try to fix it the first time- which seems cruel, and lied. All that is bad but what worried me even more was that when we spoke to him about it, he was impassive. No emotions. Not sorry, not upset about his punishment, just kind of stoic and almost… cheerful.  Isn’t that kind of like some criminals? Maybe it’s just a manly survival skill, I don’t know, but he’s lied so much, I feel like the police, not the mama, and I’ve only know him for a few months…yikes.

When you adopt older kids, you are almost certainly going to have to deal with their baggage. Cute and sweet can be real or it can be manipulation, but either way you’d better be prepared for trouble. It’s easy to think that you can help someone and change their life, but really, there is only so much you can do unless they want to change and to be helped. In the process, your life and home may become turned upside down. Maybe it’s a good idea to volunteer with foster kids or juvenile delinquents first to see how you handle it before you’re handling it inside your own home.

Just sayin’

Nick’s problems are not unusual for a teenager, especially one from a troubled background, but it is extra hard for us to deal with because we are still fragile from Mary Evelyn’s sickness and death, and, if we’re honest, we were spoiled by her—a little girl of whom her classmates remembered, “she never told a lie”.  After that, a lying child is like an icy dagger in the heart.

Someone suggested sending Nick to a boot camp type place where they tear down the bad habits and rebuild the kids with strong values, faith and good habits and skills. Maybe, but we thought what he really needs are parents and a family…. He’s already had the orphanage which was very strict. We’re looking into counseling through Bethany Christian Services and also asking to meet regularly with the Ukrainian priest.

Later, when I couldn’t sleep, I thought: that is what grief and adoption are doing to me: Emotional Boot Camp. I feel torn down; emotionally, physically and in my personhood. I hope that God will help rebuild me, whoever I am.  I prayed for Him to help me.

The next morning, a woman called me. I’ve only met her once before, but as we talked about our kids, she said, “What can I do to help? I want to help you.” I almost cried on the phone. She is a wise person and I’m looking forward to meeting with her and hearing her ideas. I’m not expecting magic, I just appreciate her kindness.

Since then, I’ve gotten a letter from my sweet cousin in NY, phone calls from friends and family (like my brother) and Miss Cindy and Jerry took Andrew for a day of fun, so somehow, the days have been filled with love.

I feel encouraged and strengthened. I remember that I used to have an emotional view that was serene and happy, (did I?) or at least I lived with a little girl who rolled that way and learned a lot from her.

We told the kids that we are planning on enrolling them in Public School this fall. Nadia is anxious about it because she suddenly realizes she doesn’t know enough English and reading to be a success there. She’s also shy so going to public school scares her.  Andrew is expressing fears about being about to do the work in fourth grade. Nick doesn’t show that he cares, but as for me? I feel like a kid let out of school. I teased the kids that I’m going to drop them off and eat chocolates and sleep on the sofa all day while they work.

Suddenly, Nadia and Andrew want to learn and ask to do school work. I’m doing shorter lessons when requested, but keeping my services a hot commodity.

I told them that I may change my mind and teach them at home later if they really want me to, but I’m not changing my mind any time soon.

Meanwhile, the boys are headed off the camp this week and they will be busy all day in a great environment. The next week they go to camp at the Russian church in Roswell, so again they will be busy. Then there are only a couple weeks left of summer vacation before the happy drop off day.

Chocolates and a good book, here I come.

Real American Boys love Mustangs!

Our family life is getting to be more routine now that we've had Andrew for a year and Nicholas and Nadia for four months. Honestly, the kids have made a remarkably smooth adjustment considering they've had to get used to a new family, new names, a foreign language, new foods, different type of schooling, new culture and a home life that they'd never even dreamed existed before.

Nick is so happy that he can hardly contain his excitement. He moves fast, learns fast, tries hard to please and is incredibly silly. He keeps us laughing with his dramatic faces and quick witted sense of humor. Mark bought  him red  boxing gloves and Nick likes to say," I have three words for you: jab jab  hook!" That may sound scary, but it's  not- he has a great sense of humor. He can already pick up on fairly nuanced jokes in English. Nadia said that in Ukraine he wasn't this crazy and excited, so it must be just joy spilling over and making him seem a little over the top. Thankfully, he can reign himself in when asked to and tries hard to please us at all times. I can see he loves his new family very much and wants to build a new, better life.

Andrew is also happy and growing fast. He still eats like his food is going to run off his plate, but he seems very comfy in his life. The two boys have lots of fun together and love to be outside. They made their own bow and arrows sets out of string and long sticks but so far no one has gotten hurt. Andrew is sensitive to other people and has an innate compassion that touches everyone he meets. He plans to become a fireman when he grows up and live near us so we can babysit his kids someday. He says he'll name them Mark, Edna, Thomas, Ray and  maybe Jacob. Good plan!

Nadia is becoming sweeter and happier as she lets herself open up and enjoy her life here. She is learning English much more quickly now and we can have real conversations. We all watched the Sound of Music last weekend and she was singing " I am 16, going on 17" today in the pool, and simply looked so happy it amazed us. She spent the night with a girlfriend for two nights this week we saw her confidence grow with that experience, but it was also nice to see how happy she was to be back home.

School's out for the summer, but my kids are still studying for a few hours a day. I'm using a wonderful phonics curriculum  called The Logic of English. I'm a veteran teacher and think it's the most comprehensive and intelligently designed program I've ever seen for teaching older kids or adults. It works very well for my ESL kids.  In the month I've used it, I've seen impressive progress.

They are still doing Teaching Textbooks math. Nick can now do four lessons in about 25 minutes with an accuracy of 95%. He still gets challenged enough by the word problems and math vocabulary so I'm keeping him on the fourth grade level, but he'll finish that in a few weeks and be ready to fly through fifth grade. I'm hopeful that in six months he'll be ready for age appropriate math!The other two are also making good progress.

In addition to school we go the library for Rosetta Stone ESL and the story/ art times. Both boys are intent on completing the summer reading program at the library and they all like to check out books. The library is so close to us that they can walk there by themselves sometimes. Last week, I sent the boys to the nearby  bakery afterwards to buy German bread and then to the farm stand, next door to the bakery, to buy tomatoes. They completed their adventure by stopping by a car show that was also in our town square. They were proud of their excursion and able to converse in English about the things they needed to purchase and more importantly to them- about the muscle cars!

Both boys love muscles cars and have a running contest to see who can see the most Mustangs. They likes Camaros also, but they love Mustangs. They're impressed because I used to own a red Mustang and they were jealous when I described driving it to California and back on a long vacation with their brother Thomas when he was a boy.Every time they pass a Mustang, one of the boys claims it. Nick very much wants a job so he can start saving money for a Mustang.

The kids have  had swimming lessons the last two weeks, which gives me  peace of mind. Andrew could barely do the doggie paddle last year but now he'll confidently dive in and get where he needs to go using regular strokes.  Language has not been an issue for them with swimming lessons even though it's all English.

We've had a few more behaviour issues with the kids, lying for example, but we nip it  in the bud even if that means dragging them out of bed to talk to them about it at 11:00 at night. It's better to draw the line right away  than let them grow accustomed to fibbing and then have to deal with bigger issues. At least that is our hope as we try to help them overcome this issue. Other issues have cropped up again so for instance, all the computers have nanny software installed,  but that's part of suddenly adopting a kid you didn't raise and whose family didn't seem to raise them either.

 On the bright side, the other night we left them home for a couple hours and they heated up their own dinner, cleaned up, and went to bed by 9:00. We came home to a clean kitchen and sleeping children at 9:30.

 Another advatage we have is comon faith. After a particulary bad series of infractions, we drove the kids up to a Ukrainian priest for confession. They were kind of quiet in the car on the way up. He was wonderful with them and even has an aunt who lives near their home town.They all thanked us afterwards and we went home happy. We're going back in another week or so to help build the relationship.

As they learn English, they are opening up more and more about their pasts and it's scary.  All three have endured lots of stress and trauma . It's no wonder they lie reflexively. What really is a wonder is that they are as sweet and loving as they are. They understand that we've been through a lot too, and it seems to help us build bridges. All of them have a special place in their hearts for their littlest sister in heaven.

Our kids have deep scars from their past and a huge challenges in their new lives, but childhood itself protects them from realizing some of that and they are happy most days. We're glad to nuture their playfulness and let them feel that home is a safe place where you can be a kid, but also safe because there are firm limits and high enough expectations so they can make much  needed progress while they heal.

Someone who works for a producer for a tv show called Super Nanny approached us in Walmart last week. After introducing herself and getting a bare bones idea of what our family is like, she asked us if we'd be interested in being on the show. She thought we'd be a perfect fit.

I said we might be interested because I was thinking of it as a way to raise awareness for two of my favorite causes: childhood cancer research and adoption, but when we got home and saw clips of the show online, we realized maybe it wasn't a compliment to be a perfect fit for Super Nanny.

At first, we thought our family is too happy and well adjusted. They'd film me baking homemade bread and the kids cheerfully making their beds each morning. A nice scene could be Nicholas flying through his math on the computer while Nadia practices reading in English and Andrew teaches the dog tricks. The nanny might take notes on how we purposefully teach etiquette and role play good manners. She'd nod her head as the kids do their chores and schoolwork. Seeing the way they share, play and work together might warm her jaded heart, but hearing Andrew express his love for his sweet sister Mary Evelyn in heaven might make it grow two sizes that day. She'd wipe tears from her eyes after seeing Mark have the kids read during Bible story time. Our sweet evening prayer time and how our whole family hugs each other goodnight before bed might inspire her ask us to teach her!

Then we thought about other things and the power of editing. What if they came and filmed just last Friday? There was Andrew, playing outside and thoughtlessly deciding to pee in the backyard, in full view of the hotel behind out house. I was so upset I screeched out his full name, Andrew Alexander King! and reminded him that we have three bathrooms. That could be ugly on camera, especially if they did a close up of my frazzled face, repeated it six times and neglected to show me giggling with him minutes later. Then there's Mark, making the kids do academic activities while teasingly making crack the whip noises. They could focus on Nadia sulking because I will not buy her four inch platform heels and Nicholas fibbing about things I'd rather not even mention.

It's hard to bear such scrutiny of anyone's life. Ouch. You try to do the best you can, but there are always those moments that you'd rather not share with the whole country. No wonder there is a prayer to say sorry to your guardian angel for ways you've offended them each day.....

I thought it might be a fun life experience, but it could also be very harmful to our family so when the producer called on Mother's Day, I declined.

Later I went to the cemetery and sat in the dusky rain, missing my baby girl. I told her all my sorrows and as I grew quiet, I thought about how our kids, with all their quirks and challenges, are a good match for us. I have opportunities to work on my own faults and refine my own life, with God's grace, as I try to help the kids. Maybe I can see enough of those faults for now without the nanny broadcasting them. Maybe we are perfect fit, for each other not for the show.

I arrived home to an impromptu Mother's Day celebration. They'd gotten flowers,a balloon, a sweet card and a chocolate cake. The kids lined up and sang to me. They were so excited about celebrating together it almost made me cry again.

It was sweet to have cake with my family in my happy home, and all the more special when I realized that we met Andrew one year ago to the day.

Mother's Day was bittersweet. It's hard to miss some and celebrate with others, but I know my kids are in the same boat, missing their biological moms but celebrating with me and that helps me focus on the sweet, not the bitter,for their sake.













- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:A Perfect Fit?

Calm Waters

Ever since we had the talk on skype with our friend translating, Nicholas and Nadia have been happier. Nadia seems like a new girl, she approaches everything with more enthusiasm and confidence. Nicholas seems even happier and his English is quickly approaching Andrew’s.

We are working hard on homeschooling. Mark picked up a small chapter book, Mouse Soup, by Arnold Lobel, and each day they read and translate one story. The same story actually. The goal is to get each story down pat so that they understand what they are reading. We still go to the library for Rosetta stone and I watched Nick writing sentences like “I need the keys” which is very impressive. I can hardly do that in German and I’ve been working on it each session.

Both kids are almost ¾ of the way through the third grade math curriculum I got for them on the computer. They like math time. I supplement it with lessons. This week, they were learning about American money so I got out real coins and bills and spent about a half hour working with them. Thant night, Nadia and I wrote menus for dinner and gave each person a bag of money. Everyone had to pay for their dinner. Nicholas was the waiter and had to tell if the amount was right and if not, give change. They all loved it.

We are attending a homeschool convention next week in Atlanta so I’m holding off on purchasing more curriculum until then. I’m researching my dream list so I’ll know what to look for. I’m hoping there will be other families there who have adopted older teens from other countries and I can build up a support group of some kind!

We are still planning to join a homeschool co-op next year so the kids have more opportunities to socialize and so I get out of the house, too! There is a great option right here in Fayette County.

Nicholas has improved so much in gymnastics that he is moving up to a more challenging class which will meet four hours a week. He loves it.   The gym had a fundraiser going where the kids needed to sell tubs of cookie dough. Nick and Andrew were thrilled about going to every house in the neighborhood.  I practiced what to say with them and was amused when we got to the part where a customer graciously declines a sale. Andrew smiled and said, “Thanks anyway!” But Nick said playfully, “I see you want my socks?” We have a running joke about his socks because they were so stinky in Ukraine. He was supposed to wash them himself and you can imagine how well that worked out. I don’t know if he had to pull out that line, but he did sell over $200 worth of cookie dough!

Andrew is continuing playing baseball and loves that. We are looking for a sport  that Nadia will want to do, but in the meantime she is happier with craft projects to do and with her upcoming first time as a mother’s helper. Next week she will watch two preschool age kids while their mama attends to other things. She is so excited. I told her about another possible opportunity to watch a two year old and she said, “Come to me, two year old boy!” I’m glad she loves children.

Mark’s parents came to visit for the afternoon. The kids were very excited. That night at evening prayers, each of them prayed thank you prayers for their grandparents. It was very sweet. They love their families and love having a family.

As happy as they are this week, they still were very grateful for a taste of home when my brother Frank and I took them to the International Farmer’s Market on Buford Highway. There were three aisles of Eastern European foods and they excited picked out things they loved. When we got home, it was time to pick up Andrew from school. Andrew loves food and could hardly believe what we got. He said, “I never thought I’d have those tastes again!”

We had a late lunch of delicious fresh bread, mushroom pate and some kind of mushy looking bratwurst. They loved it. The boys drank Kvass and Nadia and I had tea. I mostly ate bread and cheese from Publix, but the kids had a feast. We continued the feast with vareneky at dinner that night. It was fun to see how happy they were to eat these healthy (well, not so sure about that fat content in the sausage) foods.

We’re glad the adjustments are smooth this week. Everyone is happy.

While I’ve been updating, Mark has been doing a reading lesson. Nick just passed him this note: dad plese co away is worck.

Dad, please go away to work.

Now, that’s impressive English for two months!

Shock and Awe

Last week was Holy week for the Orthodox, so it was the perfect time for repentance and renewal in our family. I brought all three kids to Father Jacob for confession and we attended several beautiful services.

One of my favorite services is the 12 Gospel service where we read the accounts of Jesus’ passion. We brought the Ipad so the kids could follow along on the Ukrainian Bible. Each time a Gospel is read, the congregation holds lit candles and gathers around the priest while he reads, afterwards we blow out the candles and pray in the darkened church while the choir sings. It’s a beautiful expression of the sorrow and grief of the sacrifice Jesus made for us. My heart was even softer than other years because of my grief over Mary Evelyn and stresses about the other kids and I seemed to cry my way through much of the services, but my grief, like the beautiful mournfulness of the services, is  tempered by the joy and hope given by Christ's Resurrection.

Holy Friday has other beautiful services and I was a little jealous of Nadia because she chose to spend the whole night at church with the other teens while they read Psalms all night. I was  very proud of her for being so brave to spend the night in the darkened church and thankful that she’d have that opportunity to both socialize and pray.

The following night we had our midnight Pascha service. The kids were all excited. Nadia and I got new dresses and the boys wore their Ukrainian shirts. We celebrated the beautiful liturgy at church and then continued the festivities the following day at our friends' home with a whole roasted pig! My boys are not squeamish about meat- Andrew ate some pig ear and Nicholas sampled tongue!

Monday and Tuesday seemed to be uneventful until late Tuesday night when Mark and I finished watching an episode of Downton Abbey on the Ipad.  I had been using the Ipad with the kids earlier in the day to teach a lesson about Ella Fitzgerald. We read  a cute primer book about her and  the kids enjoyed listening to some of her music on You Tube. The You Tube page opened up, but it wasn’t Ella, instead there were some things I would never want my kids exposed to. One of them had been searching unsavory things on our Ipad.

It was midnight, but we woke the kids up then and there to find out what had happened. Why wait? Better to catch them off guard, a bit sleepy, and let them know by just the sheer experience of being woken up that we were serious. The guilty party confessed and we were able to talk to him about keeping a pure, clean heart and not letting sin control him. Mark stayed calm, I was not so calm, but before long we had them all back in bed and we were strategizing about this new issue. Of course, the first thing was getting a nanny browser, which I hate because it inconveniences me, but I love because it means I feel safe for now leaving my Ipad around.

When you adopt kids you don’t know everything about their background experiences. All three of our kids came without much detailed info,but even kids from nice, Christian, Jewish, or whatever families can also be easily drawn into looking at not so nice things online. It’s one of the challenges of modern parenting and we hope to try to nuture their desire to be good and help them learn to control themselves, just like they will need to as adults.

The next morning, we were able to have a long conversation with Nick and Nadia through our friend who translated for us on Skype. We started with Nadia. She has been telling people she was forced to come here. We reminded her that she asked us to adopt her. She nodded and said yes she remembers that. Then we asked if she had called Luda repeatedly, asking when we were coming and saying over and over that she wanted to go with us. Nicholas blurted in Yes! And Nadia once again nodded yes, she had done that. We went on, walking through all the steps leading us to the adoption and reminding her that she had been in control of her decision. She‘s not a victim; she’s a brave girl who courageously went after something good to create a new life for herself. She agreed, and seemed to like seeing it that way. She has been much happier ever since the phone call. Being adopted and moving to a new country with a new language is a huge challenge so  it would be easy for her to begin to feel trapped and let her emotions give her false ideas, but we want her to remember the truth and feel strong and in charge of her own destiny.

We helped her see that in Ukraine, she’d have no job, no money, no education and no family while here she has a family who loves her, the chance to get an education and to have a bright future if she embraces it.

We also talked about other serious issues with Nick and addressed the Ipad stuff. These issues gave us an opportunity to help both kids see that sin causes walls to come up between us and other people and between us and God. Those walls make it harder for us to trust and love each other. By repenting, asking forgiveness and trying not to repeat the sins we become more beautiful inside and the walls come back down. Each of us has to choose, every day, whether we will beautiful inside or if we’ll let the darkness of sin control us. They both thought about it and said they wanted to be beautiful inside.

By the time we got off the phone, the kids were snugglier and happier. It is amazing how gentle honesty and goodness can break down barriers. I cancelled school for the day since we were all tired and instead took them to Hobby Lobby to pick out craft projects.  They enjoyed that. Nick likes to embroider (it’s manly in Ukraine) and Nadia like to make mosaics out of little glass beads. Having a project is good for both of them but we still need a little more to occupy Nadia. Thankfully, a Ukrainian friend of ours has had her over to visit this week and that helped her feel less homesick. She may also be a mother’s helper for another friend because she loves little children and babies. Another friend is helping me find a place for her to volunteer with horses.

Later that day, Nadia called Cindy to apologize for her angry outburst and sullen behavior at the beach. I had been impatient for that apology, but was glad I waited for her to give a sincere one. She was eager to make the call. At dinner that night, we were laughing and enjoying a nice meal. Nick had requested Vareneky  (Ukrainian pirogues- pasta stuffed with mashed potato and served with browned onions and lots of butter and sour cream) and I  made homemade ones. As Nick ate his special dinner with gusto, he joyfully announced that he could feel his wall coming down! Andrew chimed in and said his bad wall was coming down but that he was building a new good wall of love!

So the shock was the Ipad stuff and confronting the issue about Nadia telling people she didn’t want to be adopted. The Awe was the beauty and love of Pascha which opened up everyone’s hearts to forgive each other and remember truth with love.

Many of you e-mailed me encouraging ideas after my last post. I am so grateful for your suggestions and your compassion! Please forgive me if I haven’t written back yet, it has been so busy! Thanks as always for your prayers

Stormy Seas

Nadia sat in the sand on one of the most beautiful beaches in the world, her back turned towards the view of the lovely waves and cried. Her adjustment seems to lessen each day as she longs for her old life in the orphanage. She claims she intends to return to Ukraine the day she turns 18. She’s counting them.

Right now, she has dual citizenship, but at 18 they have to renounce one or the other- America or Ukraine. I shudder to think of the life she’ll have if she persists in this. She has no special skills or education that would enable her to support herself in Ukraine and the family she has there wouldn’t take care of her when she was a child, so I’m not optimistic about how helpful they’d be to her as an adult.

She has a future that is bright here, full of opportunities and a loving family hat welcomed her with open arms, but the struggle to learn the language and culture (?) seems to be discouraging her and she’s not trying. It's so much easier to retreat to her room and wait it out..

Sixteen is a hard time for any girl and being adopted at this age makes it even tougher.

As the parent, it’s hard to be patient and understanding, especially with such a new and tenuous relationship, but I remember that inside, she’s a scared child who has been through enough unahppy things to land her in an orphanage. Probably this is a normal post honeymoon adjustment phase that many kids have after such huge upheavals.

My job as adoptive parent is to stay sane, calm and keep above the rising tide of emotions that could engulf our family, while making sure behaviors are lovingly corrected and realistic futures are the ones we aim for. I've arranged for a translator for later this week and hopefully we can talk a lot of it out and help her get her head straight.

The other new kid, Nicholas, is as happy as a child could be. He’s speaking a lot of English, works hard on his schoolwork- he has already completed over a fourth of the third grade math book they are both doing on the computer- and is soaking up and giving back lots and lots of love. He’s made the leap into his new life and is full of love and happiness. I  have understandable phone conversations with him.

ON the beach, while his sister mourned a life that she only imagines was that good, he had fun in the sand and made the most of the moment.

Our lives are full of opportunities, but you can’t really enjoy them without a grateful, willing and open heart.

Praying for that heart.

Adjustments , Adventures and Academics..well ABC's at least

The first month home has seen lots of laughter, a little sulking and many new experiences. So many things are different here, even simple things like food and the bathroom. The kids had been encircled with loving family, friends and acquaintances and sometimes seem to feel like we hug too much in this country!

Homeschooling is progressing well and I registered us with the county so it’s official. We're using "Teaching Textbooks" for math. It has a teacher with a calm, level, male voice who logically explains each skill and everything so far has been on the computer. They both tested out to be about grade three so I'm starting them there and hope that when this level is finished, we can retest and skip up to five. Starting on an early level has the bonus of giving them a chance to learn English math vocabulary and numbers while reviewing basic skills. They have a lot of ground to cover in the next few months and years. Soaring with Spelling, grade one, is just right for now with its phonetically based approach and simple unillustrated format which is better for older kids. I'm still looking for a reading curriculum, but for now am using books and writing little things for them. Last night I wrote simple skits for them to learn and then perform for Mark. All three kids loved it. The skits reinforce skills like basic introductions and they love them. We are still going to the library almost every day for Rosetta Stone and they are making so much progress, I decided to schedule some afternoon slots so Andrew could come too. He is sailing through of course, but it’s good for him and is raising his academic confidence.

I'm a little worried about how we will ever get Nadia in particular up to speed in time to graduate from High School before she's 35, but try not to think about much more than today's challenges. She has a huge challenge in front if her, but her expectations are much better than the prospects she left behind in Ukraine.

Andrew and Nicholas are still best buddies and have lots of fun together. Last week they had an adventure in the woods near our house. They pack a backpack with food, water, something to dig with, compasses and binoculars and set of exploring. I let them bring the camera and the photos were very funny. Of course one was the standard Ukrainian casually posing next to a tree shot.

Nicholas does not like food. He hates cheese, and even said he might not eat cheese if it was the only way to get to heaven. It's nice for him that it's lent and I'm making vegan dinners for the family. Much of the time, he plays with his food and eats as little as possible. Andrew loves food with the exception of peanut butter, zucchini and broccoli. I made Paella and discovered that scary sea creatures mixed with saffron rice and peas was a new thing he wasn't fond of. He tried to charm us out of making him eat and resorted to the Big Gun:

"Who Cute?" he asked, adding his cuteness to Mary Evelyn's. If only he could be cute enough, he was sure he wouldn't have to eat Paella. It was a lot of highly concentrated cuteness….

Oh well. He ate it. So did Nicholas, who was greatly saddened when he was visiting friends the next day  and  they served Paella for lunch! What's wrong with these Americans?

It's not so bad; I've made Borscht a couple times and even found a recipe for their favorite soup: green borscht.

Green Borscht: 1 bag spinach (chopped), 1 bundle Swiss Chard, chopped, 1 onion -chopped, veggie broth, a couple potatoes, peeled and chopped, a little lemon juice, salt and about a tablespoon dill and parsley.

Sauté onion. Add everything else and bring to boil.  Add extra water to make it look like soup. Cook until everything is soft and it looks better. Serve with chopped green onions, slices of hard boiled egg and fresh chopped parsley sprigs.

They love it and were excited that I served it with Mrs. T's potato Pirogues which I called veranikis and served Ukrainian style with butter and sour cream.

Yum!

At church we had an adoption service. The prayers take about five minutes, but are beautiful: http://www.goarch.org/chapel/liturgical_texts/adoption

My kids are very comfortable in our church. Being adopted into an Orthodox family definitely helped them with part of their adjustment. They seem happier all the time and look healthier too. I know I mentioned sulking in the beginning, but maybe I sulk as much as they do so we’ll keep that private. I’m home alone tonight (deep happy sigh).

I have a funny story about Nicholas and Andrew in the dog house, but that has to wait for now. This has been a long, long entry........but if you're an endurance reader,

I've been updating my other blog lately: http://www.hopebeyondhope.me/

It's about finding joy while grieving.....

PS my e-mail is ednamking@gmail.com

Haircuts and Homeschooling!

After being home for almost two weeks, the kids are getting more acclimated and the household is running pretty smoothly. I've only had a few moments of wondering how crazy I am, maybe because I'm too busy to think much. The kids seem very happy and to be adjusting remarkably well. I wonder if they've had many of their  own "what have I done ?" moments, but on the whole, they look healthier and more confident each day.

Their English is progressing. Nicholas blurted out his first spontaneous sentence, "I no stinky!" while pointing the blaming finger at Andrew in the car the other night. Nadia and I seem to be able to communicate pretty well without a common language . We use charades. We mostly communicate about getting things done lie making dinner, going to the store and other basic things. It's probably good that we can't talk and get all emotional yet. It's better to have less emotion while we get to know each other.  Having a few Russian speakers in her life helps  because if there was anything critical going on, they'd tell me.
I was thrown a little off kilter when they asked to call their sisters in Ukraine. I said yes and so they did. It was a really strange feeling to hear them talking and asking her to say hi to mama. I had one of those "why are we doing this" moments, but tried to be mature about it. This is the reality of adopting older, social orphans. They have a family, it's just that their family didn't take care of them. The losses faced by social orphans might be worse in some ways than kids whose parents have died because it's kind of an ongoing rejection. They clearly crave parental love.

We've started our second week of homeschooling and are settling into a routine. Each lesson starts with a math brainteaser. Then we practice writing the alphabet and developing letter sound relationships using first grade level books which have fun and short activities. They can both read a little already, particularly Nicholas who amazed me by reading a paragraph last week. Comprehensions isn't so great, but the phonics are coming along well. They practice math facts each day. My favorite part of the day is going to the library for ESL Rosetta Stone. I also have them watch movies in English. It's tricky to find one with clear articulation and repetitive words that teenager can still stand watching and so I was happy to catch them watching Mary Evelyn's Barbie movies because they are perfect for this.
All three kids are very helpful with chores. They each make their bed and Nadia keeps her room very tidy. I can't say the boys' room is as neat, but it's acceptable. Nadia helps me cook and clean up after meals and the boys take out the trash, set the table, walk the dog and get drinks for dinner. They all vacuum and help with other chores too. I've created three chore lists that they will be assigned on a weekly basis starting next Monday. I labelled the lists A B and C and will rotate them so chores will be assigned equally.

Nadia has had a chance to start getting to know some girls at church and daughters of friends of ours. I was so happy when our friends' daughter told us they like the same music, movies and of course, Johnny Depp. It's great for Nadia to get to know other teens. Our church has just started a teen group and Nadia and Nicholas will be part of it.

Andrew loves his newest brother and sister, but has been reverting, becoming more little boyish, to ensure his place. He even asked if he could go to the doctor for a shot when the other kids went! His language is reverting too. After speaking Ukrainian with his siblings he seems to say "this.....this" a lot because he can't find English words that he used to. It reminds me of the Sponge Bob episode where he throws away everything he knows except how to be a waiter and inside his brain they depict little Sponge Bob clerks shredding thoughts.... Poor Andrew seems to be shredding language thoughts and coming up with " this, this".

The kids have a lot of doctor appointments. Nicholas is completely deaf in one ear so I took him to see Mary Evelyn's ENT today to see if this can be surgically repaired. It can't because the eardrum is intact, the problem is that tiny bones in the inner ear  are damaged. Hearing aids won't help, but luckily he has perfect hearing in the other ear. He also is going to the eye doctor to get glasses. The first dental appointment is next week. The dentist does a great job of making it friendly and pleasant so maybe it'll be easy.

They had one really fun appointment this week: hair cuts at Glamourama! That's the wonderful salon which hosted Cuts for a Cure for Mary Evelyn. Everyone at Glamourama was excited and happy to meet our newest kids and Miss Cindy came to watch, too! A fresh haircut and lots of smiles and hugs really complete the transformation from orphan to American kids in a family!






Nicholas pored over a hairstyling book until he found just the right one. Andrew selected a different look and was very happy. Each morning they ask Mark to put gel in their hair to maintain their cool dude look.

Nadia was a little uneasy about the amount of length she lost. It needed to be cut, and she looks a lot prettier with her mew lovely hairstyle, but it's often hard for girls to adjust to having three inches suddenly gone. After she mentioned it one too many times, I showed her a photo of Mary Evelyn bald and said she was able to be happy even bald. No more complaints. We naturally feel sorry for orphans and for children who've had to fight cancer, but one thing they both need is to not feel too sorry for themselves and to be thankful for the life they've been given - which is a huge thing I'm still learning from Mary Evelyn's example.

I have a lot more to write about, including the adoption service we had on Sunday, Andrew and Nicholas' adventure in the woods, how Andrew tried to get out of eating scary looking sea creatures in his Paella and other fun topics, but I'm saving that for later because it becomes too much to read.

I'll try to update later today or tomorrow!.

Well, really I wrote that last week, but still, there is another update coming soon!


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Arrival and Beginning a New Era

We arrived home Saturday night!






It was great to be home. It was also painful to come home and feel Mary Evelyn's absence throughout the house, but that is my reality and I'm lucky to have had two wild boys shooting each other with nerf guns and pretending to slash each other with pirate swords all while wearing matching pj's to offset how hard it was for me that night to have sweet Nadia move into Mary Evelyn's bedroom.

The next day we went to church and Nicholas Ruslan was an altar server for the first time. He stands very straight and quietly like a soldier in church so he is an natural altar server. The Russian speaking women in our church put their arms around Nadia and welcomed her especially warmly. It was a joy to watch her giggling at lunch and chattering away in her native language with new friends.

That afternoon I invited some family members over for waffles, whipped cream and berries. I brought out Mary Evelyn's Hello Kitty waffle iron along with then plain round one and had fun making a nice party out of it. The kids enjoyed meeting everyone and since it was a smaller crowd and an informal fun meal they were less intimated than they might have been otherwise.

Before our guests came, I had the kids busily cleaning. The boys swept the downstairs and Nadia vacuumed the upstairs. Nadia always helps me with dishes and cooking and the boys set tables, take out the trash and walk the dog. Today I plan to create chore charts.

On Monday, after dropping Andrew off at his school, we started homeschooling. I wanted to establish a routine right away so even though I don't have a set curriculum yet, I started with a little writing and gave them free math placement tests I found online. It was a a little scary to see the results, but they are both smart and will catch on.

We went to the teacher supply store together and purchased simple  practce writing ABC's books, a writing notebook and sight word puzzle books for them to get started. We start each day with a prayer and then a brain teaser. They already know some of our letters so I'm doing 3 letters a day, both cursive and print, and working on phonics, sight words and English vocabulary. I'm also having them read in Ukrainian for 1/2 hour and then write about what they read each day. There were big sighs and long face about that. I warned them that I will have my Ukrainian friends read what they write later so don't just jot down something crazy!

I saw that they both needed practice with adding with regrouping so I showed them how to do that this morning and they got it right away. I hope most things are this easy.

I've already scheduled doctor and dentist appointments for them and tomorrow we go to a class at the library. They'll get to use the Rosetta Stone ESL program for 2 hours.We should be able to go every day if we want to. The next thing I want to set up is a sport for each of them. Nicholas may be able to join Andrew's baseball team but I don't know what Nadia is interested in yet.

It's much easier to know what to do since I've adopted before. I feel much more competent and organized even though this is a more challenging dynamic on some ways. Of course, last summer I felt like a train wreck so this had to be easier than that!

Yesterday, they got to meet Miss Cindy. We had a lot of fun together. She let each of them drive the golf cart. Andrew was kind of slow and careful becasue he wanted to do the right thing and not wreck, but the other two were fast and wild. Oh MY! It will be interesting around here.

The kids are all very happy and it's amazing to watch their confidence and affection for us grow each day. I was telling Mark that I only wished Mary Evelyn could be physically present with us now to have fun with her new siblings, and he reminded me that she's busy where she is and we'll all be together someday in the life that lasts forever.

These days are  a great start to an new era in our fast moving, blink and it's gone, life on earth.


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Kiev and Traveling Home!

We wanted the kids to get to see Kyiv while they had the chance so we spent time walking around the city with them on Thursday and Friday. The first site we visited in Kyiv on Friday evening was St. Michael's church. Vespers was in progress so we were able to hear the beautiful chanters. After spending some time there, we walked to Puzatta-Hatta (Ukrainian Piccadilly ) for dinner. On the way back to the apartment, wet fluffy snow fell on us and melted on the pavement which was a slushy mess. Why do I never remember to have an umbrella here?



We were ready before 8:30 Friday morning to drive over to the American Embassy for the Visas. It was an easy process and soon we were back in the apartment. We were all tired so we rested and played UNO while waiting to pay the landlady.

One advantage to adopting teenagers instead of little kids is they can amuse themselves and they have lots of independent skills. They also want to be helpful and insist upon carrying things, opening doors and even doing the dishes! While we waited, we used Google translate to talk about our plans for the day and it was nice that they can easily type what they want to say to us.of course, there are also new challenges with teenagers so our current strategy is to be firm and loving from the get go.

After the landlady came by, we walked over in a misty rain to Saint Sophia Church, built in the 1100's and sort of a centerpiece of Kiev. We climbed the windy narrow staircase up the bell tower.



Part of the stairs are completely dark and that adds to the sense of mystery and danger. I mean you can't see your feet dark. Luckily, that part is short. There are three landings with windows on each side giving beautiful view of the city and distant countryside. On the first landing we saw the huge bells that we've heard so many times in this city.



Nicholas stayed put on the first landing because the upper part made him nervous. Would you climb up this?



Nadia, Mark and I kept going. On the second landing, I saw a Kopeck from heaven shining on a windowsill and that made me smile. Kopecks from heaven make me feel closer to my sweet Mary Evelyn.


Unfortunately, Nicholas had the camera so we didn't get photos from the very top, but the ones from the first landing are beautiful and the view was fairly clear since the rain had stopped.



After visiting the church, we had some pent up energy and indulged in a quick family snowball fight.




As we left, Nicholas climbed back up the tower and made it to the second landing this time. We were proud of him!

We were hungry then so we walked over to the Golden Gate, the original city gate, and had lunch at the Irish Pub across the street. We think Nicholas was put off by the way the food on his plate was all in a pile, but he ate most of it anyway.




We had a nice lunch. Mark and I were grateful for the English language menu and the kids got to have Ukrainian menus so we were all able to order easily.

Refreshed, we walked over to Saint Vladimir's statue where the kids posed in true Ukrainian tourist style.



We ended our tour of Kiev with Saint Vladimir's church, another beautiful old church that was turned into a museum of atheism under the communists, but is a church again now. After seeing the historic sights and churches, we went shopping in the underground malls down by Independence Square. We found the bookstore we took Andrew to and told each child to chose one book in Russian and one movie. Neither was too excited about the book, but I want them to keep up their ability to read Cyrillic. Nadia was especially reluctant to choose a book. I threatened to buy her the longest, most boring book in the store (complete with an old man on the cover) and make her read it, so she decided to find a book she is willing to read.

We finished out sightseeing with a stop at a coffee shop where I nibbled my way through a dry and somewhat tasteless chocolate cake which helped me get even more homesick for America, but anyway it was fun to relax together.




After walking for hours we were all tired so we got to bed much earlier. Just as we finished evening prayer together, we heard the church bells pealing in the distance and it felt like they were adding their "amen!"

The kids giggled in the dark for a long time, but finally fell asleep by about 9:00 which was good because we left for the airport at 3:30 am. We flew to Frankfurt at 5:30 and arrived at 8:30. This flight was at 12:35. We're flying over the Atlantic while I'm writing this, but will be home before I post it. This is an 11 hour flight. When I get home I won't want write anything. I think I'll just want to sleep in my own bed!

The kids are happier and more relaxed each day. Serious seeming Nicholas turns out to be very funny and a little bit of a ladies man- he quietly notices the pretty teenage girls we pass on the street. Reserved, shy Nadia wants to walk arm in arm with me everywhere and is eager to please. They obviously love having parents. It is very sweet to see how love transforms children so quickly. Maybe God's love does the same with us over time.

This has been a tiring but wonderful week. Somehow, I've been fairly calm and even happy this week. I think God has blessed me with peace of mind which I greatly needed. Dealing with Mary Evelyn's cancer, death, the loss of her earthly presence and then these adoptions so soon afterwards has just about made me crazy. I hope we have some quieter years ahead as we live our lives and wait for our reunion with Mary Evelyn.





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Gotcha and broughtcha to Kiev!

Tuesday was a busy day. We picked up the kids and a teacher at 7:00 am and drove 2 hours to their hometown, which is a city larger than Macon, to get documents: birth certificates with their new names, an internal passport for Nadia since she's 16 and other things. As we waited for the birth certificates, their biological mom walked by the car.

Ruslan asked if he could speak to her. What could we do, say no? Maybe we should've but it seemed awkward to say that when he is not likely to ever see her again and we don't want him to resent us saying that later in life. So he ran up to her. She didn't hug or smile. He came back within one minute and Nadia went over to her. They talked for a long time and I still don't know much that was said but finally the teacher got Nadia back in the van and we left.

That experience added stress to everyone's day.we had lots of documents to get in a hurry. Luda was able to accomplish a lot and at the end of it we drove back to the school knowing we had most of what we needed and could leave the next day for Kiev.

Back at the school, we had tea with the Director and discussed many things. We are comfortable with him now and it seems his heart is open to the idea of adoption.

We went to bed late and didn't have time to update you guys!

In the morning on Wednesday, we had to be ready to leave at 7:45. We picked up a regional children's services worker and drove to the school to pick up the children for the last time. There was a lot of hustle and bustle around the school. We saw a small band setting up for a performance and wondered what the special occasion was.

The Director greeted us warmly. He hugged the kids and spoke to each of them, exhorting them to have a great life and be good children for us. He gave each of them a prayer book in Ukrainian. Then we signed papers and went downstairs to leave.

The whole school was assembled to say farewell to Nadia and Ruslan. Nadia spoke in front of everyone calmly and told them she is grateful for her time there and for the opportunities she had at the school.



I was very impressed with her maturity. The Director also spoke and then the band played three songs for us! I gazed around the room and looked at the faces of these kids and wished they all had loving parents. Luda spoke at the end and encouraged them to make the most of their opportunities and to take responsibility for their own lives. Even though they have been disappointed by their parents, they can build a good life and be better parents themselves someday. She told them that they have a wonderful school, the best in Ukraine and that is partly because they are great kids.

I was almost crying by the time the assembly was over and everyone was hugging goodbye. I saw Edick then for the first time on this trip as he sadly brushed by me quickly to say goodbye to Ruslan. He is not on the list for adoption yet, but will be soon, and I think our hands are full right now anyway but maybe someone else will think about it?

As we drove off to finish getting documents in their hometown, Mark told the kids that this was a new start for them--they can leave the past behind and become who they want to be. They were very happy!

Getting documents sounds so dry and uneventful, but the experience is not. Each document requires previous documents that may or not be ready, notarized or even available that day. There is constant stress and not many food or bathroom breaks on these long days, but in the end it's worth it because it means we get to go home and start that new life sooner.

After lunch, we finished up the documents and started the 8 hour drive back to Kiev. Along the way, I let the kids take photos of the countryside out of the van window. Andrew took about a billion and wore out the battery when we got him, but these kids planned out their photos and took about 15 total. Interesting to see their personalities starting to unfold. They are both thoughtful and caring. Andrew is too, but he is less deliberate, has a huge outgoing personality and is much younger!

When we arrived in Kiev late Wednesday evening, we settled into an apartment near St. Michael's. I finally got to show Nadia the cute boots and clothes we got for her along with the cosmetic case Cindy got her. She was very grateful and happy. She was not allowed to wear jeans at the school and was glad to pick out cute jeans, a shirt and a green hoodie for tomorrow. Ruslan also liked his clothes and things but being a boy, it wasn't as exciting for him. The kids both look much more American in their new clothes.



Today we had our first appointment at the American Embassy to get their visas for entering our country. I had filled out the paperwork last night and had the fee in exact change ready in an envelope so it went very smoothly. We also went to the American medical center for checkups and vaccination records. This afternoon we were all tired and wanted to rest before heading out to see a little of chilly wet Kiev.

Tomorrow we finish at the embassy (2nd appointment) and can go home Saturday if flights are available!


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It's official! we have five kids!

After arriving in Kiev yesterday, we had a nice lunch at Luda's apartment before climbing into Leo's van for the long drive to Kovel. The sunset lingered on the glowing snow as we passed throughout the quiet countryside and I felt peaceful.



We checked into our hotel and moved into the room we lived in last May. We were hungry, so we went to the attached restaurant. I was a little put off by the loud music of the dance party going on, but after a few sips of beer and a little adjustment, I decided it was fun. After lying in bed listening to the party so many nights, it was great to be there for a change and see what a nice, happy crowd was down there dancing.

Grief is always just a moment away for me and is sometimes brought on by the silliest things. There were music videos playing on the tv's at the
party and I saw a commercial for fabric softener in which a little girl hugs a cloud (because it's soft like mama's laundry) and then, standing in the clouds, hugs her mother. The cloud hugging girl brought me to subtle tears and, as we left, I hugged Mark. As he let go, he found a shiny 5 kopek on the floor- a penny from heaven. I got my "hug in the clouds" too.

We went up to our room feeling like we were in God's hands, which was good because when I opened my e-mail moments later we found out that Thomas was in the hospital with a heart problem. As I toyed with the very tempting complete meltdown lying there saying "Take me, I'm yours"' Mark strongly exhorted me to see the news as a temptation and not to fall for it. He means well, but his pep talks unfortunately don't always translate so well into "woman". As I attempted to stay calm and keep my trust in God's care for us, we called various relatives and found it was OK. He is home now and should be fine but it was hard to be far away when I wanted to be there.

After talking to Thomas himself, we went to sleep and slept too long. We both took sleeping pills and woke up groggy and moving slow. We were too late for breakfast but snacked in the room before heading out for paperwork errands. We were excited to get the final court decree today so it is official! We now have five children: Thomas, Nadia Leonora, Nicholas Ruslan, Andrew and our angel in heaven Mary Evelyn.

After getting a quick snack for lunch, we went to see our kids. Nadia's face glowed with happiness when she saw us and my spirits, which had been in upheaval since the e-mail about Thomas, were calm. I was so happy to see our kids and we had a great visit with them. They are both relaxed and happy with us and excited about their new family.






Tomorrow we have a lot of documents to prepare. Please pray that it goes smoothly and we get the old style passports so we can come soon!


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Third time's the charm!

My house is clean, my plants are watered, the kids' bedrooms are prepared, the suitcases are packed, my checklist is accomplished and the last trip is begun! Mark and I are waiting to board our third flight to Franfurt. Tomorrow morning, we'll fly to Kiev before driving to Kovel early Monday morning to get the kids!

On Monday, we'll pick up the court papers and bring them to the orphanage. I think that Nadia will go with us to get her Ukrainian internal passport ( needed for kids 16+) before we get birth certificates and new international passports for both kids.

We hope to find "old style" passports for them because you can get them the same day instead of waiting several days for a new style one. Once we have the papers, birth certificates and passports, we say bye bye to the orphanage and drive to Kiev.

In Kiev, we'll have a few appointments including one at the American embassy before flying home. It should take a few days to do the paperwork in Kiev and we will have a chance to show Nadia and Ruslan the beautiful churches and other sights of historic Kiev.

Andrew is staying with uncle Ray and aunt Janice while we're gone. He's excited about his fun week. Hope (our dog) and Redcat are staying with Thomas and Hope is very excited about having a fenced in backyard. Red cat hates being home alone. Every time we return from a trip he cries and cries for hours to let us know how much he missed us, even with our wonderful cat sitter giving him wet food each day so we decided to relocate him to Thomas' house. He loves Thomas. So far, he's hiding, but not crying!

Thanks for your many prayers and help! We hope this will be a short and joyous trip.

Planes, shuttle busses, and running through airports.....

The flight from Kiev to Frankfurt finally took off at 10:00 instead of 5:30 am. It was -28C and they couldn't de-ice the plane until the sun rose and it warmed up to -23. It was cold even in the airport and I wore Mark's down coat to be snuggly. We treated ourselves to coffee and cake for breakfast while we waited. Treated is not the word, I should say allowed ourselves to be robbed in exchange for coffee and cake because it cost about $24.



As we waited, the lack of sleep wore on me and my emotions fell apart. All my fears and insecurities swirled in my head like a nightmare. Lack of sleep, high emotions and change also bring out grief feelings so dear Mark had to keep talking me off my emotional cliffs.



I was relieved to be on the plane at 10:00 and tried to sleep a little during the flight. We arrived in Franfurt at 12:10 and our connecting flight home was at 12:25. The Franfurt airport is big and we had to walk down long deserted hallways broken up by those smelly smoking rooms. The hallways twist and turn in ways that didn't make sense intuitively until I saw the airport map and realized it's shaped a little like a tinkertoy.



We missed our flight, but were rebooked on an Air France flight to Paris and then Delta to Atlanta. We rushed back through more elevators,Long empty twisty hallways that look wrong and a shuttle train until we reached security again.



Every connecting flight means going through security twice- once when you get off and then again to get back on. I started to enjoy seeing Mark get flagged for frisking. It happened almost every time to him after we left Atlanta. I only got frisked three times. No one frisks as invasively as the Atlanta people so Mark's 10 frisks < my Atlanta frisk. Anyway we got on the flight. After landing in Paris, we rushed again to get our connecting flight. It was the prettiest airport of our trip.
I wanted to skip out and and go to Disneyland Paris but Mark said no.




By the time we were flying to Atlanta, I was so tired I was almost weeping with exhaustion.

I took my mind off everything by watching a cute movie (the big year) and Mark read one of my books.



He was reading about how if we have hope against hope (no that is not where my other blog's name came from) we learn to persevere though our trials and achieve peace and love. Having hope/ faith/trust when it feels like there is no hope gives us a way to conquer death itself....



All those thoughts are too much for me to even write about with my jet lag and time change but it is a beautiful, and very long book. Every now and then, we'd talk about things he was reading about and I'd feel encouraged.



We eventually landed and got home where Red Cat was crying pitifully. He hates it when we're gone. He cried for over an hour last night and after snuggling with us, started crying again this morning. He seems to be missing Andrew and Hope because he wanders around the house crying.



We'll have about ten days of normal life before flying back to Ukraine, picking up lots of paperwork and passports and getting the kids. It is a beautiful thing to see how the few small seeds of love we've sown in them have already produced such love in return, and have given them such joy and hope. Ruslan/Nicholas (got to start making that switch!) seems to have undiluted optimism and confidence (we love it that we've given him such certainty to have said in court, boldly and with smiles in our direction,"I know they love me very much, and I love them.") Nadia, while clearly hopeful and happy and very hungry for parents' love, is a little scared too. We're looking forward to watching the beautiful transformation continue to unfold, in them and in us!