Story Line B

Luda was able to have heart to heart talks with Nadia and Ruslan before we left so we got to know more of their story and more about them, too. It was hard to leave them behind. The first night he was with us, Andrew told our translator that he had a dream that Ruslan came to him and asked us to come back for him and bring him home, too. OK, Ok, we’re getting the message, but we needed to come home to America and be sure it was a wise decision and not just an emotional one. We talked about it a lot in the last few days and were leaning towards the idea of adopting them. We have been impressed by Andrew’s smooth transition into his life here in our family and think the other two will also fit right in. We saw them in enough contexts to know that they are responsible, intelligent and well behaved.

We thought it was a good sign that Nadia’s name is Russian for Hope, but we knew what to do when we discovered what Ruslan’s name means. Ruslan means “the lion” and is the Russian version of the Turkish name Aslan.

Those of you who have followed our journey on caringbridge know that we read the Chronicles of Narnia to Mary Evelyn in the last year of her life and that in the last weeks; we compared the way she was going to heaven with the children going to Narnia, except heaven is real and much better. That was a great comfort to her and she said, in her sweet innocence, that she wanted to meet Aslan. Her oncologist desrcibed the way the neuroblastoma would suddenly overtake her as "falling off a cliff" just on the day we read about a girl in Narnia who fell off a cliff, but was blown gently to safety by Aslan( as Mary Evelyn is in the painting). Narnia helped us all conceive of death as a continuation of life in a different, better yet unseen world, which is what it is. Later, at her visitation in the funeral home, Mark and I were surprised by the gift of a stuffed lion from a total stranger who didn’t that Narnia meant anything to us. It was like a sign that Mary Evelyn indeed had gone to “Narnia”. Now, we have been given the opportunity to adopt two more sweet children: Hope and Aslan.

We have contacted our adoption facilitators and started the process. Luda called Nadia to relay a message from us. After reading our letter to her, she told Nadia that if she changes her mind about being adopted, let her know. Nadia said, “You can ask me as many times as you want, but I will never change my mind. I want to go with them.”

Sometime in the next few months, we’ll be a big family with 5 kids: Thomas who is 27, Nadia is almost 16, Ruslan is 12, Andrew is 9 and sweet Mary Evelyn, who has moved beyond age, is with us in spirit and forever in our hearts.









PS I would've udpated sooner, but Andrew came downstairs for breakfast limping due to his bike accident and I spent all day taking him to the doctor, getting x-rays, etc just to find out he's fine. It was hard to bring him to ME's pediatrician, but the doctor is from Belarus and speaks Russian so I had to go there for Andrew's sake. We also went to Mary Evelyn's dentist, where I cried from overwrought emotions, but they were all kind and it was Ok.

Helicopters, Bikes and Golf Carts

When people get home, the adoption blogs go silent and everyone wonders if it’s gone wrong. Not in our case, we’re just busy taking care of the things that need to be done after being gone 9 weeks and having fun with our little son.

Sunday morning Andrew wore his Ukrainian shirt to church and looked really handsome. Several of the Russian speakers in our church welcomed him warmly and that helped him feel right at home. He handled the special attention that he got as our newly adopted son with poise and confidence. I think he liked the air-conditioning, but I guess the basic familiarity of the service, which is the same in all Orthodox churches, must have gone a long way to make him comfortable, too.

Uncle Ray gave him a new red bike and he’s been busy learning how to ride it. He’s very determined and almost over confident so he’s picked up this new skill quickly but over estimated his mastery of it and had a big crash the other evening. He’s all scraped up now, but will be back on it again as soon as the soreness is gone.

Thomas gave Andrew a remote controlled helicopter which he loved. After flying it around the house a little, I kicked them outside. They flew it for a pretty long time before Andrew flew it over the house and it disappeared. Maybe it’s on the roof. Andrew handled that disappointment well and took it in stride. Thomas is getting a replacement for him and so they'll get to try again, maybe in an open field.

On Monday, I had to go to the dentist, so I packed Andrew up and drove up to Atlanta. My friend Leslie invited him to play with her kids during my appointment, so I dropped him off and went on. He had a great time and just simply fit in with everyone. He wasn’t afraid, he just acted normally. I couldn’t get over how easy going he is. He just handles every new situation with cheerful confidence.

Andrew had another adventure on Tuesday when he got to sit in Cindy’s lap and steer her golf cart! He loved that.

He was patient and kept himself busy playing Q-Bert on the ipad while we got our nails done. We went to Partner’s Pizza for lunch, which was a little hard for me because I used to take Mary Evelyn there every Friday when she was I preschool, but it turned out to be fun. We gave him a few quarters and he happily played arcade games before eating a good lunch. When he saw I had ordered coke for him ( he knows I think of it as a special occasion drink) he said thank you, mama!

While we were eating, Mark called. He had something special to tell me about the other two kids we’re thinking of adopting in Ukraine, Nadia and Ruslan, but that’s for another update. This update is just to let you know that Andrew is adjusting well, he’s happy and calm. He told us he loves his new family. He eats a lot, he goes right to sleep when he goes to bed, he remembers to say his prayers ( which he chants- really cute) and he is polite and loving to us. I’m sure there will be challenges ahead, but for now, it’s smooth sailing. He even makes his bed each morning, and tidies up his own room, now that he knows we expect him too. He likes to walk our dog and play with her. Mark’s mother said that Andrew has a special gift- the gift of making the people around him happy and I think she is right. He thinks of others and wants to make them comfortable in subtle ways.

I liked the way he took a moment to give his littlest cousin Chloe a ride on his back in the pool when he saw her playing by herself on the steps while everone was doing chicken fights.

The biggest problem is language. Google translate helps, but sometimes it says crazy things so we just giggle at it. Andrew got his first hard scold over bad behavior when Mark was trying to get him to work on English skills. He straightened up right away and seems to be taking it more seriously now. If he doesn’t pick up the language well now, what will happen when he starts school? He’ll be so far behind and he wasn’t a stellar student in Ukraine, either. We think he met their low expectations and think he will in turn rise to meet our higher expectations. He seems very smart to me.

This morning I’m taking him to the pediatric dentist and I expect to see them a lot. I’m making an appointment to bring him to the International Adoption Clinic at UAB next for a complete check up, but expect that he’s perfectly healthy.

Yes, I will write that other update about Nadia and Ruslan later today.

Home!

We’re Home
After an uneventful trip, we were met at the airport by lots of balloon carrying, flag waving, clapping happy relatives! Everyone was so excited to meet Andrew and he seemed to feel the same way. He is such an emotionally healthy, physically healthy, friendly child. It is amazing considering what an adventure it must be to be a child in a new country, with new family and unfamiliar foods and places and limited language.
It’s a little bit like adopting Curious George: he’s curious about everything, but he’s a good boy.
The first thing he said to me this morning was a spontaneous I love you. It’s really fun to give so much joy to a child. He seems to have gone through 70% of the stuff in our house so far and is excited and happy at everything he finds. When he tasted his first bite of fruit loops this morning, he said, “mmmmm, so good!” He’s eager to do everything and is full of joi de vivre. He’s already off playing soccer with a boy from across the street.
It was naturally bittersweet for us to come home to our home so full of Mary Evelyn memories. Andrew discovered her Barbie Jeep this morning and that alone caused a few tears. He noticed, and when we told him we were thinking of Mary Evelyn, he hugged us and said, “ne platch” which means don’t cry. It is very hard to be here without her, and an adjustment to be parenting another child so close in age, but it is also a great joy and will help us to live more fully while we wait to see her again.
I’m sure you are curious about the other two kids. That will be another update ;)

Like a Duck to Water

On our way home

Snap! Just like that, things started moving ahead at a blistering pace on Sunday, after our translator arrived.  She is a fast and smooth operator!  On Sunday we had the party for the kids in Sasha's group.  On Monday and Tuesday we ran all over, getting Sasha's new birth certificate and passport.  This stuff can sometimes take a week or more, but it was done by close of business on Tuesday, in time for us to go pick up Sasha and rush back to Kiev.  It was such a thrill to finally be getting Sasha and so see him off campus, wearing  the new clothes we got for him and  just enjoying his new life and even his first Happy Meal!  Seeing his pleasure of discovery in things as simple as the warm air hand dryer, fries with ketchup and a hamburger brought more joy to us than we would have ever expected.

Last night when we said bedtime prayers, we took turns between Sasha saying them in Slavonic and Mark saying the same ones in English. I got a little teary when Sasha listed each of the kids his his group by name in his prayer because it was so sweet. He has lived with most of them like siblings for two years and loves them. What a change for him, and for us.

So far he's adjusting  very well. He is obviously very happy, is eating a lot and wants to please us. Mark's diligent studying of Russian is paying off now as he's able to communicate pretty well with Sasha. I am still nodding, smiling and speaking English. I'm also calling him Andrew. Andrew did have his first time out today, but it was around the time each of us was feeling emotionally worn out anyway so a nap was timely and he woke up so pleasantly. There nothing sweeter than a child who knows his parents are in charge (for those few precious moments when you feel in charge that is).
 
We expect to be heading home soon. Today we had a bright and early start by going to the American Embassy to submit documents and then Sasha had a brief medical appointment for his visa. The doctor there said she thought he was very neglected as a child but that he has no cognitive or mental abnormalities. We agree, with the right opportunities, he is going to bloom. We have one more appointment tomorrow at the American Embassy and then we are done! We plan to fly home on Friday!

Tonight we had dinner with one of our American friends who also just got his son out of the orphanage. We are so happy that God blessed us with this perfect timing once again! We met at the TGI Fridays and this time they brought a huge bowl of ice for us and I was almost as excited about my ice water as Andrew was about the big ice cream sundae he had after dinner!

So many new fun experience to look forward to at home soon! He's taken to being part of our family like a duck takes to water.

The Importance of Spelling

A bit more on our story line "B":

Last week, Ruslan, our soon-to-be-official son's friend, whom we've mentioned already, gave us a note with a misspelled word. The note said, I want nothing from you, I just want you to ...... me.

We thought it might have said adopt me, but all week he's been avoiding us. The alternate translation was I want nothing, I just want you to stop it with me. Interestingly, his older sister, Nadia, has walked by daily, and after we invited her to play volleyball with us and our Sasha, she's appeared at each of our visits and has needed only the slightest encouragement to spend time with us. She speaks less English than I speak Ukrainian so it's been a challenge for both of us, but I can see that she is a good girl, kind and loving to the younger kids and considerate of others.

We went to church again yesterday with the orphans. Once again, it was hot so Mark and I spent the last half of the service on the porch in the fresh, cool air. Naturally, many of the teens were also out there and it was remarkable how well behaved they were. At the end of the service, there was a procession outside to bless the water of the well. The church is still being built and the well looked new. As the priest sloshed everyone with holy water I could see his love for the children and got a glimpse of his sense of humor, too. Priests always seem to enjoy getting you a little too wet!

After church we walked back to the school  surrounded by happy little children vying for our attention. There was a quiet moment while the little ones were changing into play clothes and Nadia took advantage of it to tell me that she wants us to be her parents. I couldn't begin to explain the complications of adoption or even our mystery concerning her brother so I just hugged her. It is dangerous being here. The children want a family so badly. I am sure that there are others who want us to be their parents too. The sad part is that most of them will never be adopted because they are teenagers and that scares off people  who  haven't met them.

Luda, our translator, arrived yesterday after we returned from the school. We showed her Ruslan's note and she couldn't read it either.  She said the important word was so misspelled it didn't make sense! Anyway, we were very busy all afternoon. We went to the market, which had many individual stores in metal stalls, and bought more clothes for Sasha. We also bought fruit and ice cream bars for a going away party for his class. We drove to the school and arrived shortly before dinner. We gave the children in Sasha's class each a banana to enjoy while we washed the fruit. Ruslan saved his to share with Nadia so we gave him two. He was giving us sweet smiles today and was being very helpful with the party preparations while the others kids played with our iPad.

 Luda took Sasha aside and asked him about Ruslan. Sasha told her that Ruslan thought he wanted to be adopted by us but then decided he didn't because he has a family that visits sometimes. Ok, mystery solved, apparently I misunderstood Nadia,  but that didn't seem possible. A few minutes later, Luda was alone with Ruslan while he was helping with the fruit and she asked him about it all and he said he wants us to be his parents. He said he knows his mother will never take him out of the orphanage and he wants a family and he likes us very much. She told him that we can't take him right now but that we like him very much too. This seemed to relax him and he seemed happier.

The class went to dinner. We sat with them and our thoughtful Sasha brought each of us a thick piece of bread topped with a square of scrambled egg. Mark was good and ate his, I ate my bread and discreetly disposed of the egg. Ruslan gave Mark his own drink. Towards the end of the meal, we passed out platters of grapes and strawberries for the class. They ate them all up and clearly enjoyed the fruit as a special treat.

After the end of meal prayer, we went back to the hallway outside their rooms and passed out the ice-cream bars. They have a new classmate so we were one short. Ruslan first tried to give his ice cream to Mark and after much insisting, not wanting to hurt his feelings by rejecting his loving gesture, Mark took a bite and gave it back.  When Ruslan saw we were one short, he then tried to give it to Sasha who had passed them all out and was not complaining that he hadn't gotten one. Sasha wanted Ruslan to have it. I'm not sure if they shared it or what, but the last I saw they were each insisting the other have it.  These kids don't get ice cream very much and the other kids were savoring every mouthful. The littlest one, Vanya, who is the sunshine of the class, took little licks and enjoyed it for so long I was amazed it didn't melt before he finished.

Sasha seemed to be on top of the world. He is so happy he just sparkles. He filmed the kids eating ice cream and goofing around. We were playing a game of balloon volleyball when Nadia and the 14 year old Sasha joined us. The older Sasha is very polite, friendly and would be a delightful son also. Nadia and Luda had a long talk by the window and cleared up everything. Nadia was able to interpret Ruslan's misspelled word which can be translated as take- I just want you to take me with you. I imagine they've been talking a lot this week.

After we left the school, Luda explained that because Nadia will be 16 in a couple weeks, if we or anyone else wants to adopt her, the paperwork would have to be done now, before her birthday. So we need to decide right away and get moving on it.
 
We came here thinking that ten was older than we would want to adopt and suddenly here we are adopting a nine year old and seriously considering coming back for a 13 and 16 year old. Life is full of surprises.  

A group of happy friends at Sasha/Andrew's going away party (Ruslan is on Sasha's right)

A great picture of a happy Tato and son!

A great picture of a happy mama and son!

 


  

Comfy

Sasha has gotten very comfortable. Yesterday, after visiting with the group, he wanted us to take a walk. We went outside the walls of the orphanage and down a dirt road to a pretty meadow. We sat in the grass and had yogurt for a snack. We'd only brought two yogurts and I chose not to have one. He thought it was delicious. He mixed a little of Mark's in with his and then got out a spoon for me and insisted I taste it. I've been a mother a long time and have had to endure plenty, so I don't gross out as easily as I used to so I took a tiny, tiny taste and was rewarded by his delighted face.

After the snack, we sat in the grass and taught Sasha to play UNO.  He sat in Mark's lap while we played and enjoyed the beautiful weather.  at one point Mark said (in Ukrainian) "I'm very happy", to which our boy immediately replied, "Me too!"  After a while a little rain cloud came up and we heard thunder. It looked otherwise pretty clear to me, but Sasha insisted we go back right then. He got us packed and went off down the road, holding Mark's hand. I lagged behind so I could take this photo:

Sasha turned around and asked Mark to wait up for me and took my hand too. It was sweet. Then of course, being a boy, he abruptly moved on to hitting things with sticks and other such things until we got back to the school. We were barely inside before the rain poured down. Truly he's a country boy who knows his weather!

Today's visit had barely started when two teenage girls and a teenage boy joined us. They stayed with us for the rest of the visit so Mark played with the boys and I had frustrating attempts at conversation with the girls. I think they are nice girls and wish I could talk with them. The more time I spend with various teenagers, the more I understand people who come here just to adopt teens. They are winsome in their own way and need homes as much as the little ones.

Meanwhile, the boys were having a blast roughhousing. Sasha was riding on Mark's shoulders and wearing him out.

The other boy was having fun with them too and was very cute. It was very fun to see this.

After our taxi ride back to the hotel, Mark and I went to our favorite pizza place for lunch and then walked over to a store to buy Sasha an outfit. We'll get him to try it on tomorrow. We stumbled on a bathing suit, which caught Mark's eye because Sasha has had so much fun playing a pirate video game on the iPad.  When we pulled it out of the package and saw that it was a "speedo" style with a pirate skull on one side of the butt Mark thought it was so funny, he wanted to buy it,  but I refused.  I'm sure Sasha would have loved it, but ....no. 

It was hard to find a complete outfit. They must not import or buy clothes as much as we do in the USA because the selection in the stores is much smaller and the clothes cost more. There's no Target, that's for sure.

After our shopping, we stopped by a bakery to get a treat before returning to the hotel where we made instant coffee and sat down for a desert. Ick. Baked goods here often look better than they taste but really, these were hardly edible. If I wanted to move to Ukraine, I'd open something like a  Piece of Cake bakery in Kiev and soon have made a fortune, well except for the "fees" and things that you need to pay to keep things running smoothly...  

We only have two more taxi rides over to see Sasha because Luda is coming on Monday. She'll help us translate and get ready on Monday and then Tuesday and Wednesday we'll be getting paperwork done. Hopefully, one of those days will be Sasha's last day in the orphanage.. We'll travel with him to Kiev to finish up more paperwork before bringing him home!

  

Want Mother

We didn't realize it, but Sasha was singing or something in a performance this morning at the orphanage and when we arrived, we had to wait for a long time before we saw him. As we waited, we were soon surrounded by increasing numbers of very cute 8-11 year old orphans, some of whom must be from another school because we'd never seen them before. They were excited by the novelty of being around Americans and of course loved our iPad. Even with all the excitement, they were still good about taking turns playing games on the ipad and being downright adorable.

One of the boys, Edward, was particularly good with the English word games and we praised him for it. He's in Sasha's group but has always been a little reserved around us before. With the praise, Edward became more comfortable and after a few minutes he put together a sentence that broke my heart: I want mother. He immediately got a little shy after that outburst.  A few minutes later, Sasha came down the hall. I saw him first and greeted him with a big hug. He has been good about sharing us, but soon wiggled his way inside the huddle of kids to be right next to Mark and was happy when Mark noticed him. 

We soon went outside with him. On the way, we saw some women from the Regional Office who had helped us and I was very happy to have the chance to introduce them to our new son. They were delighted to meet him and congratulated us. 

Sasha is increasingly comfy with us. We read Go Dogs Go! again and he named four of the dogs: Sasha, Thomas, Tato and Mama. He used our Ukrainian-English dictionary on the iPad to write: We are going to America. We are very happy.
He ate lots of fruit we'd brought for a snack and then ran off to get a drink. We followed and saw him drinking water out of a big dirty old pickle jar that was left by who knows who, who knows when. Mark brought the jar into the sunlight and showed Sasha the dirt and debris floating in it and he realized it was gross and pretended to spit it out. Funny boy, he really needs parents. We had just started a game of volleyball when Rouslan's sister Nadia walked by. We invited her to join us and the four of us had a good time. Rouslan himself has been keeping a safe distance from us since his note. 

It is clear that many if these kids wish they could have parents. Several teenagers as well as little kids have been vying for our attention. I have been amazed at how well behaved these kids are and how emotionally healthy they seem to be. One of my friends in America said that some of his friends get tattoos and other of his friends adopt and it seems both kinds of friends keep going back for more. It is hard to resist these sweet children who long for families. I'm very glad that the first two groups of three kids that we visited have already been adopted, and I hope that someone will come for these kids. We are the first foreign adoption for this orphanage, but hopefully more people either Ukrainians or foreign people like us, will choose to adopt.