New Lives, New Loves: our Ukrainian adoption

Kiev and Traveling Home!

2012-02-26T20:43:00.001-05:00

We wanted the kids to get to see Kyiv while they had the chance so we spent time walking around the city with them on Thursday and Friday. The first site we visited in Kyiv on Friday evening was St. Michael's church. Vespers was in progress so we were able to hear the beautiful chanters. After spending some time there, we walked to Puzatta-Hatta (Ukrainian Piccadilly ) for dinner. On the way back to the apartment, wet fluffy snow fell on us and melted on the pavement which was a slushy mess. Why do I never remember to have an umbrella here?

We were ready before 8:30 Friday morning to drive over to the American Embassy for the Visas. It was an easy process and soon we were back in the apartment. We were all tired so we rested and played UNO while waiting to pay the landlady.

One advantage to adopting teenagers instead of little kids is they can amuse themselves and they have lots of independent skills. They also want to be helpful and insist upon carrying things, opening doors and even doing the dishes! While we waited, we used Google translate to talk about our plans for the day and it was nice that they can easily type what they want to say to us.of course, there are also new challenges with teenagers so our current strategy is to be firm and loving from the get go.

After the landlady came by, we walked over in a misty rain to Saint Sophia Church, built in the 1100's and sort of a centerpiece of Kiev. We climbed the windy narrow staircase up the bell tower.

Part of the stairs are completely dark and that adds to the sense of mystery and danger. I mean you can't see your feet dark. Luckily, that part is short. There are three landings with windows on each side giving beautiful view of the city and distant countryside. On the first landing we saw the huge bells that we've heard so many times in this city.

Nicholas stayed put on the first landing because the upper part made him nervous. Would you climb up this?

Nadia, Mark and I kept going. On the second landing, I saw a Kopeck from heaven shining on a windowsill and that made me smile. Kopecks from heaven make me feel closer to my sweet Mary Evelyn.

Unfortunately, Nicholas had the camera so we didn't get photos from the very top, but the ones from the first landing are beautiful and the view was fairly clear since the rain had stopped.

After visiting the church, we had some pent up energy and indulged in a quick family snowball fight.

As we left, Nicholas climbed back up the tower and made it to the second landing this time. We were proud of him!

We were hungry then so we walked over to the Golden Gate, the original city gate, and had lunch at the Irish Pub across the street. We think Nicholas was put off by the way the food on his plate was all in a pile, but he ate most of it anyway.

We had a nice lunch. Mark and I were grateful for the English language menu and the kids got to have Ukrainian menus so we were all able to order easily.

Refreshed, we walked over to Saint Vladimir's statue where the kids posed in true Ukrainian tourist style.

We ended our tour of Kiev with Saint Vladimir's church, another beautiful old church that was turned into a museum of atheism under the communists, but is a church again now. After seeing the historic sights and churches, we went shopping in the underground malls down by Independence Square. We found the bookstore we took Andrew to and told each child to chose one book in Russian and one movie. Neither was too excited about the book, but I want them to keep up their ability to read Cyrillic. Nadia was especially reluctant to choose a book. I threatened to buy her the longest, most boring book in the store (complete with an old man on the cover) and make her read it, so she decided to find a book she is willing to read.

We finished out sightseeing with a stop at a coffee shop where I nibbled my way through a dry and somewhat tasteless chocolate cake which helped me get even more homesick for America, but anyway it was fun to relax together.

After walking for hours we were all tired so we got to bed much earlier. Just as we finished evening prayer together, we heard the church bells pealing in the distance and it felt like they were adding their "amen!"

The kids giggled in the dark for a long time, but finally fell asleep by about 9:00 which was good because we left for the airport at 3:30 am. We flew to Frankfurt at 5:30 and arrived at 8:30. This flight was at 12:35. We're flying over the Atlantic while I'm writing this, but will be home before I post it. This is an 11 hour flight. When I get home I won't want write anything. I think I'll just want to sleep in my own bed!

The kids are happier and more relaxed each day. Serious seeming Nicholas turns out to be very funny and a little bit of a ladies man- he quietly notices the pretty teenage girls we pass on the street. Reserved, shy Nadia wants to walk arm in arm with me everywhere and is eager to please. They obviously love having parents. It is very sweet to see how love transforms children so quickly. Maybe God's love does the same with us over time.

This has been a tiring but wonderful week. Somehow, I've been fairly calm and even happy this week. I think God has blessed me with peace of mind which I greatly needed. Dealing with Mary Evelyn's cancer, death, the loss of her earthly presence and then these adoptions so soon afterwards has just about made me crazy. I hope we have some quieter years ahead as we live our lives and wait for our reunion with Mary Evelyn.

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Gotcha and broughtcha to Kiev!

2012-02-23T12:33:00.001-05:00

Tuesday was a busy day. We picked up the kids and a teacher at 7:00 am and drove 2 hours to their hometown, which is a city larger than Macon, to get documents: birth certificates with their new names, an internal passport for Nadia since she's 16 and other things. As we waited for the birth certificates, their biological mom walked by the car.

Ruslan asked if he could speak to her. What could we do, say no? Maybe we should've but it seemed awkward to say that when he is not likely to ever see her again and we don't want him to resent us saying that later in life. So he ran up to her. She didn't hug or smile. He came back within one minute and Nadia went over to her. They talked for a long time and I still don't know much that was said but finally the teacher got Nadia back in the van and we left.

That experience added stress to everyone's day.we had lots of documents to get in a hurry. Luda was able to accomplish a lot and at the end of it we drove back to the school knowing we had most of what we needed and could leave the next day for Kiev.

Back at the school, we had tea with the Director and discussed many things. We are comfortable with him now and it seems his heart is open to the idea of adoption.

We went to bed late and didn't have time to update you guys!

In the morning on Wednesday, we had to be ready to leave at 7:45. We picked up a regional children's services worker and drove to the school to pick up the children for the last time. There was a lot of hustle and bustle around the school. We saw a small band setting up for a performance and wondered what the special occasion was.

The Director greeted us warmly. He hugged the kids and spoke to each of them, exhorting them to have a great life and be good children for us. He gave each of them a prayer book in Ukrainian. Then we signed papers and went downstairs to leave.

The whole school was assembled to say farewell to Nadia and Ruslan. Nadia spoke in front of everyone calmly and told them she is grateful for her time there and for the opportunities she had at the school.

I was very impressed with her maturity. The Director also spoke and then the band played three songs for us! I gazed around the room and looked at the faces of these kids and wished they all had loving parents. Luda spoke at the end and encouraged them to make the most of their opportunities and to take responsibility for their own lives. Even though they have been disappointed by their parents, they can build a good life and be better parents themselves someday. She told them that they have a wonderful school, the best in Ukraine and that is partly because they are great kids.

I was almost crying by the time the assembly was over and everyone was hugging goodbye. I saw Edick then for the first time on this trip as he sadly brushed by me quickly to say goodbye to Ruslan. He is not on the list for adoption yet, but will be soon, and I think our hands are full right now anyway but maybe someone else will think about it?

As we drove off to finish getting documents in their hometown, Mark told the kids that this was a new start for them--they can leave the past behind and become who they want to be. They were very happy!

Getting documents sounds so dry and uneventful, but the experience is not. Each document requires previous documents that may or not be ready, notarized or even available that day. There is constant stress and not many food or bathroom breaks on these long days, but in the end it's worth it because it means we get to go home and start that new life sooner.

After lunch, we finished up the documents and started the 8 hour drive back to Kiev. Along the way, I let the kids take photos of the countryside out of the van window. Andrew took about a billion and wore out the battery when we got him, but these kids planned out their photos and took about 15 total. Interesting to see their personalities starting to unfold. They are both thoughtful and caring. Andrew is too, but he is less deliberate, has a huge outgoing personality and is much younger!

When we arrived in Kiev late Wednesday evening, we settled into an apartment near St. Michael's. I finally got to show Nadia the cute boots and clothes we got for her along with the cosmetic case Cindy got her. She was very grateful and happy. She was not allowed to wear jeans at the school and was glad to pick out cute jeans, a shirt and a green hoodie for tomorrow. Ruslan also liked his clothes and things but being a boy, it wasn't as exciting for him. The kids both look much more American in their new clothes.

Today we had our first appointment at the American Embassy to get their visas for entering our country. I had filled out the paperwork last night and had the fee in exact change ready in an envelope so it went very smoothly. We also went to the American medical center for checkups and vaccination records. This afternoon we were all tired and wanted to rest before heading out to see a little of chilly wet Kiev.

Tomorrow we finish at the embassy (2nd appointment) and can go home Saturday if flights are available!

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It's official! we have five kids!

2012-02-20T10:58:00.001-05:00

After arriving in Kiev yesterday, we had a nice lunch at Luda's apartment before climbing into Leo's van for the long drive to Kovel. The sunset lingered on the glowing snow as we passed throughout the quiet countryside and I felt peaceful.

We checked into our hotel and moved into the room we lived in last May. We were hungry, so we went to the attached restaurant. I was a little put off by the loud music of the dance party going on, but after a few sips of beer and a little adjustment, I decided it was fun. After lying in bed listening to the party so many nights, it was great to be there for a change and see what a nice, happy crowd was down there dancing.

Grief is always just a moment away for me and is sometimes brought on by the silliest things. There were music videos playing on the tv's at the
party and I saw a commercial for fabric softener in which a little girl hugs a cloud (because it's soft like mama's laundry) and then, standing in the clouds, hugs her mother. The cloud hugging girl brought me to subtle tears and, as we left, I hugged Mark. As he let go, he found a shiny 5 kopek on the floor- a penny from heaven. I got my "hug in the clouds" too.

We went up to our room feeling like we were in God's hands, which was good because when I opened my e-mail moments later we found out that Thomas was in the hospital with a heart problem. As I toyed with the very tempting complete meltdown lying there saying "Take me, I'm yours"' Mark strongly exhorted me to see the news as a temptation and not to fall for it. He means well, but his pep talks unfortunately don't always translate so well into "woman". As I attempted to stay calm and keep my trust in God's care for us, we called various relatives and found it was OK. He is home now and should be fine but it was hard to be far away when I wanted to be there.

After talking to Thomas himself, we went to sleep and slept too long. We both took sleeping pills and woke up groggy and moving slow. We were too late for breakfast but snacked in the room before heading out for paperwork errands. We were excited to get the final court decree today so it is official! We now have five children: Thomas, Nadia Leonora, Nicholas Ruslan, Andrew and our angel in heaven Mary Evelyn.

After getting a quick snack for lunch, we went to see our kids. Nadia's face glowed with happiness when she saw us and my spirits, which had been in upheaval since the e-mail about Thomas, were calm. I was so happy to see our kids and we had a great visit with them. They are both relaxed and happy with us and excited about their new family.

Tomorrow we have a lot of documents to prepare. Please pray that it goes smoothly and we get the old style passports so we can come soon!

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Third time's the charm!

2012-02-18T16:41:00.000-05:00

My house is clean, my plants are watered, the kids' bedrooms are prepared, the suitcases are packed, my checklist is accomplished and the last trip is begun! Mark and I are waiting to board our third flight to Franfurt. Tomorrow morning, we'll fly to Kiev before driving to Kovel early Monday morning to get the kids!

On Monday, we'll pick up the court papers and bring them to the orphanage. I think that Nadia will go with us to get her Ukrainian internal passport ( needed for kids 16+) before we get birth certificates and new international passports for both kids.

We hope to find "old style" passports for them because you can get them the same day instead of waiting several days for a new style one. Once we have the papers, birth certificates and passports, we say bye bye to the orphanage and drive to Kiev.

In Kiev, we'll have a few appointments including one at the American embassy before flying home. It should take a few days to do the paperwork in Kiev and we will have a chance to show Nadia and Ruslan the beautiful churches and other sights of historic Kiev.

Andrew is staying with uncle Ray and aunt Janice while we're gone. He's excited about his fun week. Hope (our dog) and Redcat are staying with Thomas and Hope is very excited about having a fenced in backyard. Red cat hates being home alone. Every time we return from a trip he cries and cries for hours to let us know how much he missed us, even with our wonderful cat sitter giving him wet food each day so we decided to relocate him to Thomas' house. He loves Thomas. So far, he's hiding, but not crying!

Thanks for your many prayers and help! We hope this will be a short and joyous trip.

Planes, shuttle busses, and running through airports.....

2012-02-09T10:55:00.002-05:00

The flight from Kiev to Frankfurt finally took off at 10:00 instead of 5:30 am. It was -28C and they couldn't de-ice the plane until the sun rose and it warmed up to -23. It was cold even in the airport and I wore Mark's down coat to be snuggly. We treated ourselves to coffee and cake for breakfast while we waited. Treated is not the word, I should say allowed ourselves to be robbed in exchange for coffee and cake because it cost about $24.

As we waited, the lack of sleep wore on me and my emotions fell apart. All my fears and insecurities swirled in my head like a nightmare. Lack of sleep, high emotions and change also bring out grief feelings so dear Mark had to keep talking me off my emotional cliffs.

I was relieved to be on the plane at 10:00 and tried to sleep a little during the flight. We arrived in Franfurt at 12:10 and our connecting flight home was at 12:25. The Franfurt airport is big and we had to walk down long deserted hallways broken up by those smelly smoking rooms. The hallways twist and turn in ways that didn't make sense intuitively until I saw the airport map and realized it's shaped a little like a tinkertoy.

We missed our flight, but were rebooked on an Air France flight to Paris and then Delta to Atlanta. We rushed back through more elevators,Long empty twisty hallways that look wrong and a shuttle train until we reached security again.

Every connecting flight means going through security twice- once when you get off and then again to get back on. I started to enjoy seeing Mark get flagged for frisking. It happened almost every time to him after we left Atlanta. I only got frisked three times. No one frisks as invasively as the Atlanta people so Mark's 10 frisks < my Atlanta frisk.Anyway we got on the flight. After landing in Paris, we rushed again to get our connecting flight. It was the prettiest airport of our trip.
I wanted to skip out and and go to Disneyland Paris but Mark said no.

By the time we were flying to Atlanta, I was so tired I was almost weeping with exhaustion.

I took my mind off everything by watching a cute movie (the big year) and Mark read one of my books.

He was reading about how if we have hope against hope (no that is not where my other blog's name came from) we learn to persevere though our trials and achieve peace and love. Having hope/ faith/trust when it feels like there is no hope gives us a way to conquer death itself....

All those thoughts are too much for me to even write about with my jet lag and time change but it is a beautiful, and very long book. Every now and then, we'd talk about things he was reading about and I'd feel encouraged.

We eventually landed and got home where Red Cat was crying pitifully. He hates it when we're gone. He cried for over an hour last night and after snuggling with us, started crying again this morning. He seems to be missing Andrew and Hope because he wanders around the house crying.

We'll have about ten days of normal life before flying back to Ukraine, picking up lots of paperwork and passports and getting the kids. It is a beautiful thing to see how the few small seeds of love we've sown in them have already produced such love in return, and have given them such joy and hope. Ruslan/Nicholas (got to start making that switch!) seems to have undiluted optimism and confidence (we love it that we've given him such certainty to have said in court, boldly and with smiles in our direction,"I know they love me very much, and I love them.") Nadia, while clearly hopeful and happy and very hungry for parents' love, is a little scared too. We're looking forward to watching the beautiful transformation continue to unfold, in them and in us!

Court Day

2012-02-07T22:46:00.001-05:00

It's 5 am and I'm updating from the airport in Kiev. We flying home this morning, just me and Mark, after having court yesterday.

Nadia and Ruslan's parents made a complaint, but since they lost custody years ago it had no impact. Their sister called Nadia the night before court and asked if she and Ruslan wanted her to comolain too, but when they assured her they want to be adopted, she told them she wants to stay in touch and kind of said she's happy for them -glad at least that they have great opportunities.

The court was a little scary at first. There was the judge,a secretary who recorded everything, two members of a jury, two teachers from the school, the local child services representative and a prosecutor representing the parents because they had complained.Luda was helping us and translated for us. Each of the kids had to stand up and say they wanted to be adopted by us and why. Ruslan was beaming with joy as he said he loved us and knew we loved him. Nadia was a little more nervous but did fine. The court was mostly concerned about Nadia because of her age so we had to explain how we plan to help Nadia get through school. I guess time and attention is the answer.I told them that I plan to start with homeschooling and that I expect she will finish high school by the time she is 20 and then, depending on how she has done, she could go to trade school or possibly college. I was glad that they had Nadia herself express that she understands and accepts the challenges and opportunities that lie before her.

I think the little photo book of our house and family warmed their hearts and it turned out well. After granting us custody, which takes place in ten days, the judge invited us, Luda and the jury to her chambers for coffee and chocolate.

One of the jurors is an English teacher and it turned out that we met her star pupil, Sophie, last summer in Kovel. Sophie is the daughter of the priest who was so kind to us. How amazing is that?

After court we went out for lunch with the kids, the two teachers from the orphanage who accompanied us to court, Luda and Leo. It was Ruslan's first time to eat in a restaurant and he made the most of it. I enjoyed watching him savor every bite of an enormous dish of ice cream after his meal.

After lunch we dropped the kids off at the orphanage and drove back to Kiev. The roads were mostly clear but sometimes they were coated with thick snowy ice. It's very cold here. I was glad I changed out if my court clothes and into jeans with long underwear under my sweater (yes I changed in the van on the street).

Oops, our plane was just delayed because of ice. It's -7 degrees outside. Hope we make it it to Frankfurt on time for the connecting flight.

I'm ready to get home. Adopting is a great thing but I feel overwrought and emotionally and physically exhausted. Looking forward to sleeping in my own bed.

Ps Andrew has been having lots of fun while we've been gone. Glad he adjusts so easily to everything.

Feb 6th

2012-02-06T15:38:00.001-05:00

Had a long, long drive this morning through countryside that looked like this:

And this:

Then a nice visit with the kids. We worked on English for a while.They tried on some new clothes we brought and seemed to feel a lot happier and more at ease:

Court is tomorrow. After court we'll go out for lunch with the kids before dropping them back at the orphanage for the waiting period. We'll drive back to Kiev and catch our flight home Wednesday morning.

Ruslan looks funny in the photos because he has purple medicine on a rash on his face. Ruslan is small for his age-he's just a little bigger than Mary Evelyn was and is four years older and never had cancer.I'm sure he'll grow once he has a home. This is the happiest I've seen them.

We also saw sad little Edjick. We brought gloves for him since he didn't have any. The kids said he tried to run away last week. So sad to think of the little guy trying to run away especially in this weather.

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Feb 5 th

2012-02-06T10:52:00.002-05:00

A sleeping pill, taken after dinner on the flight, was a great way to adjust to the time change. Mark slept very well, I was still a little fretful, but the flight went by quickly and suddenly we were in Munich.
As we searched for the next gate, we walked by a big fashion advertisement. As I gazed blearily at the enormous models, I suddenly realized I was seeing double. I looked around and sure enough, people were overlapping themselves in my vision. It was unsettling.
Our gate was quiet so I laid down on a few chairs and slept for the next three hours. When I woke , it was crowded but only with people who were really there- no more double vision.
Mark took me to get a nice breakfast, complete with a huge cappuccino, and I was back to normal and less tired than on the other trips.

Whe we arrived in Kiev I felt almost native.I recognized the passport control man from the last trip and a policewoman spoke to me in Ukrainian. I was very flattered at being mistaken for a Ukrainian woman because they are all beautiful. We went through the airport with no problems which is more than I can say about leaving Atlanta because I got pulled out of line and frisked invasively there. I knew it wasn't a big deal in the sense that I'm innocent and it could happen to anyone, but it still almost made me cry from being in the situation where a stranger can touch you in places strangers should never touch you and in a such public place.
It was nice to breeze through Kiev. Leo was there to greet us and then we had a welcoming dinner with our translators. We are blessed to have become friends with them. Tomorrow we'll head out at 4:45 am to drive through the frozen countryside to Kovel. It's a six hour drive and may take a little longer since it's been especially cold and snowy in Ukraine and eastern Europe this past week. Today was warmer: a high of -8. Tomorrow is expected to be a high of -21.brrrrr.

We're looking forward to arriving in Kovel and seeing our kids.

On Our Way Again...

2012-02-04T16:54:00.002-05:00

Mark and I are waiting in Charlotte for our flight to Munich and then Kiev. This is our second trip to Ukraine this go-round, third trip including last year. We'll arrive tomorrow, drive out to Kovel on Monday and visit the kids, go to court on Tuesday, drive back to Kiev Tuesday evening and fly home early Wednesday. Andrew is staying with family and friends while we're away and he's excited about his own adventure.

You'd be surprised at how long it took me to pack. Our biggest suitcase is loaded with clothing for the kids to try on. I have jeans in three sizes for Nadia and other outfits for both of them. The clothes can stay at our facilitator's apartment until we come back at the end of Feb. to get the kids. I spent too long on that yesterday. Last night I was stressed out about all the changes in my life and feeling unprepared about going back so soon so I couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned so much the dog jumped off the bed and slept somewhere else.

Mark helped me cheer up this morning with delicious Lagnapes donuts for breakfast and the sugar rush helped me rush around getting my own things stuffed hurriedly in my bag.

As we left the house, I was still remembering important things that I'd forgotten to take care of like arranging for a cat sitter, bringing chargers, and some cash. We took a minute to stop at CVS and pick up a little heart shaped box of Valentine candy for each of the kids and got on the plane without any other delays.

I've got my sleeping pill ready to go and hope to arrive in Munich fresh as a daisy, ready for the next adventure.

Saying see ya later

2012-01-24T20:03:00.001-05:00

On Monday when the kids came in the room I noticed that they already looked a little healthier and more confident. It is amazing what a little attention and a lot of hope can do to transform a child. It'll be wonderful to see what they are like six months from now. Andrew started out more confident and healthy looking six months ago, but the transformation he's had has been dramatic.

As we were greeting them, guess who came in the room on a flimsy pretext? Edjick of course. We showed them all the photos from Sunday and were starting a puzzle and English lessons when Ruslan's teacher came in with a cell phone. Their sister was on the phone and was trying to talk them out of being adopted. They both insisted to her that they want to go. It 's much more emotionally complicated to adopt kids with living relatives because in Ukraine, when you lose custody, you still get to visit. The parents cannot take them because they neglected them so badly they lost their rights four years ago and the siblings don't want to take them. Nadia and Ruslan want a fresh start and it is their decision to go with us or stay, and they have clearly said they want to go.

After the phone call, the kids seemed even more set on going, if that is possible. They spent the next several hours with us and it was the most comfortable visit. After a while, Luda went to do paperwork and file for a court date. Edjick went back to class. We all went outside and the boys had a snowball fight with about 25 kids. I think the kids especially loved playing with Mark .

Sasha #3 from our summer visit was there and he looked sad. I felt bad that we hadn't come back for him too, but we have our hands full and don't even know if he's available. Luda is going to find out in case we can find a family for him. He is a very nice boy; of course, the school is loaded with nice kids who need homes.

Nadia and I walked around the outside of the school and she took me into a dark hallway, the one where Andrew drank out of the dirty pickle jar last summer, but Nadia brought me there so she could show me the handcrafts room. Ukrainian kids learn traditional crafts at school.

The boys were still throwing snowballs, but were getting tired of it. They went back to the soccer field and built a huge snowman. Andrew was so hot he took his jacket off and I'm thankful he didn't get sick by getting so wet out there.

We went back to the visiting room for English lessons. Nadia and Ruslan are both making good progress. As darkness fell, Luda called to say our court date will be Feb. 7 th. On the court date, the kids become ours but there is a formality of a ten day waiting period until we can take them home so we'll make two more short trips to Ukraine. For this trip, we were done with all paperwork except for a couple signatures needed at the Regional office.

Luda picked us up at the school and we said good bye to two happy kids who gave us big, loving hugs. After signing in the book at the Regional office a a quick pizza, we packed up and drove to Kiev. We arrived at the airport at 3:30 am and got on our plane at 5:30. We flew to Frankfurt, where there was a five hour layover before boarding another plane to go home to Atlanta. We're arriving at 4:30 which is 11:30 pm in Ukraine, so all told, our return trip has taken 27 hours.

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2012-01-24T19:59:00.002-05:00

Vespers Saturday night was long yet lovely. Like the school, and many other places, it was still decorated for Christmas and the Christmas tree, lights and greenery were pretty in the dark candlelit service.

At the end of the service, I noticed Edjick, the boy with the sad face who said "I want mother " to me last year. He was looking at me with his sweet, sad yearning eyes and I considered putting him in my suitcase and smuggling him home on the spot.

After church, we returned to the hotel for a good night's sleep and in the morning, Mark had the helpful idea of prepping for our next visit by planning get to know you questions. We thought them up at the hotel over lunch which was a platter of delicious Ukrainian specialties: sausage, grilled pork, fried potato pancakes, varanickes, pickles and pickled tomatoes. Yum! (except the pickled tomatoes were not so yum to me)

We were greeted at the school by two happy and more confident looking kids and were joined for most of the visit by Edjick who just appeared and stayed. He is one of Ruslan's roommates and probably would like to be a brother.

We asked some silly questions and some serious ones. One was "who is your hero?" Ruslan surprised us by eventually coming up with Arnold Schwarzenegger. He explained that he saw a movie where Arnold saved his daughter and he liked that. When it was Andrew's turn, Edjick piped in that Andrew's heroes are the Power Rangers. We laughed because it's true. Nadia got very quiet and reserved and couldn't come up with anyone. I said that Mary Evelyn is my hero because she was so brave and joyful in her sufferings. They all remembered about Mary Evelyn, even Edjick mentioned that she didn't have hair. I showed them a photo I carry of her in my wallet and they looked closely at her beautiful face. Nadia said she could see the joy in her smile and it occurred to me that Mary Evelyn had something these children didn't have, a mommy, daddy and family who encircled her with great love her whole life so that even thought she had a great battle to fight, she did it surrounded by love. These kids have their own challenges and although they are cared for, they've had to endure deep rejection from their family. Tears started in my eyes and Nadia moved close to me.
Mark said his mother is his hero because she never says an unkind word about or to anyone. It's true- I wickedly tried to get her to say something not nice about Osama bin Laden and she found a way not to.

Later we went outside and the three boys had a snowball fight with Mark.

Edjick didn't have gloves so part of the time he wore Mark's and part of the time he wore mine. Nadia and I had a chance to talk a little with Luda translating. Nadia seems like a sensible girl. She said that everything will go well as long as they obey us. I agreed and wanted her to know that we are strict, but also loving. Nadia is worried because she is so far behind in school.

It was a good visit. With each day we've come to know and love our new children more and have been so happy to see how they are already remarkably open to receive our love. Andrew is Mr. Bundle-o-love nowadays, and even he was more reserved in his expressions to us at first than these two have been. Of course he didn't know us at all, and the two got to know us some before, but it is clear that happy times and lots of love are ahead for all.

Of course, they picked us out.

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Fresh Snow and New Names

2012-01-22T07:03:00.001-05:00

We visited Nadia and Ruslan yesterday and it was a little easier. Ruslan's face glows with happiness and he and Andrew are double trouble. They have a lot of fun together. Nadia is more guarded,but is friendly in a quiet teenage way.

We practiced English with them and gave them more simple gifts. Ruslan worked on his Rubik's cube and Nadia liked the silver K initial necklace and put it on. We told them about their new names and Ruslan was very happy about it: Nicholas Ruslan King but Nadia was shocked when she heard hers: Nadia Leonora King. I quickly said it could be a different name, and am not sure if it was the name, or just the concept of a new name that bothered her. If she wanted to change Nadia, or have something besides Leonora, that would have been fine, but she clammed up and said it was fine.

As we left the school, the boys had a snowball fight before making a big snowman. The snow was fresh and beautiful. We giggled in the cool outside air and I could envision this being fun.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Brokenness

2012-01-22T06:59:00.001-05:00

Sometimes I worry that I'm too broken to be a good adoptive mother. My own grief and loss over the death of my daughter are so recent and hurt so much, how can I offer much to these children? I look at other adoption blogs and it can look like happy family picnics with brand new family members happily frolicking in the sunshine like puppies and I don't feel that way.The adoption process is very emotional for me. I'm afraid of greater distance from the family I used to have(Mary Evelyn) and am afraid of the new family relationships and opening myself up-especially to a teenage girl!

Looking around the orphanage, I see brokenness everywhere. It's a great school, clean, attractive with loving teachers, but every child living there has come from a tragic situation and a broken family. Some of them have sad eyes which express they way they're pining for love. Others have a cheerful bravado - trying to show strength and independence.

Nadia brought family photos to share with us yesterday. I looked at the photos of her parents and felt such sadness at their loss. I have lost a daughter too, but to loose a daughter out of neglect and bad choices is a different burden.

Nadia and Ruslan's mom and sister have complained about the adoption to the authorities. They called the school and said they were against it, but when asked if they would take the kids themselves, they said of course not. Family members have been calling Nadia trying to talk her out of it. They say, " you don't speak English, you don't know these people, how can you leave your family and your country?"

I'm glad they are calling and asking her these things because it forces her to think it through now, although it must be very stressful and hard for her and it's a shame that a child should have to deal with such things. All of those questions are things that Nadia and Ruslan need to be sure of before they are adopted and it's good for them to sure of their choice. Because they have been visiting their family, Nadia and Ruslan need to tell them about this and not just disappear which is what I think they were hoping to do.

It's good for the family to know now so that there has been no deceit. They have the opportunity to speak with the children and hear what they think. No one is pressuring Nadia and Ruslan to come, it is entirely up to them to decide this and they want to come. The family can't say we tricked them or stole their children. It also give Nadia an opportunity to grow by being honest about her situation and making a powerful choice to make her life better.

I know I'm a broken mom and maybe I don't have the gifts and light heartedness to create a perfect home, but I'm adopting kids who are broken, too. Each of my kids had a hard burden to bear as a child, and Nadia and Ruslan do too, but maybe it's just that my eyes are open to the reality of brokeness. Mark said it's like the movie The Others where the woman doesn't realize that she and her children are the ghosts- all of us in this world are broken, no one has the perfect frolic in the sun family life.it's up to us to make the most we can of our lives, in God's grace, by taking broken hearts and loving each other into a place of greater wholeness.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

2012-01-20T14:04:00.001-05:00

When Nadia and Ruslan entered the room, I felt a little shy but I wanted to reassure them so I hugged them tightly. They both look so small and young. They were happy to see us, but we could see that Nadia looked stressed. She keeps her emotions controlled, but there was a tightness in her face. Luda explained that their biological mother was downstairs. Oh my.

She had come to visit them and was waiting to see them. They visited with us first. We gave them each some simple presents. Ruslan got a Monopoly game and Nadia got a pink heart shaped pillow, some monkey slippers and a valentine t-shirt. Nadia hugged the pillow to her throughout the visit. It must have been very hard day for her.

The Regional Director came in the room and asked everyone what their decision was. We all said yes. Then, we had to go to the Director's office to give a formal yes. When asked, Ruslan immediately shot out a firm and certain "tak!" (yes!); Nadia started a rambling answer, but the official immediately interrupted her and said "yes, or no?" to which she responded "tak". This is clearly much more traumatic for her, which is understandable; indeed, it would be a bad sign if she felt nothing in such a momentous situation.

When that was done, we sat on a bench outside his office while the paperwork process got started in earnest. There must be mountains of procedures and paperwork.

We returned to the visiting room and were soon playing monopoly with Andrew and Ruslan. Ruslan was banker and can add and subrtract very quickly. He seemed to understand what we were saying as we explained the game. He must be very smart. Andrew's big heart showed when Ruslan overspent and Andrew kept wanting to give him money--it was just killing him to see poor Ruslan in financial straits while he was rolling in cash. They are very cute together.

Nadia spent much of the day visiting her mother and having difficult conversations, I'm sure. The Director also spoke with their mother and told her that we were there to adopt them and bring them to America. We didn't meet or see her. Ruslan saw their mother for a little while but spent most of the day with us. He and Andrew are very happy about being brothers and it was great to see how much the three children love each other.

Ruslan and Nadia are social orphans. They have living parents and a family, including adult brothers and sisters, but their family has left them to grow up here in the orphanage after neglecting to take care of them at home and then losing their parental rights years ago. Nadia and Ruslan need and want parents, a family and a home.When we adopt them, we expect that they may want to stay in touch with their family here, to one degree or another. It's a little like an open adoption in that they will live with us but be able to maintain some contact with their family here. Reality is with such a bad history and such great distance and little contact, it will be a diminishing relationship at most.

Other kids kept peeking in the room. We are giving the kids a lot to talk about. One girl even asked about my new auburn hair! Perhaps would have liked to have had more private time to spend with just our kids, but it was OK.

I was tired, hungry and exhausted by the time we left the school. It was dinnertime and since we'd skipped lunch, we went straight to our favorite pizza place. After a relaxing dinner, we checked into our old hotel and I was happy to crawl into the clean, comfy bed.I was emotionally exhausted and would have cried except Andrew was right there on his comfy, soft futon. Mark said some encouraging things to me and that helped. I knew that I was overwrought so I changed my focus by reading a gripping book until I fell asleep.

This morning, we had a nice breakfast at the Hotel before driving over to the school. Nadia and Ruslan are getting medical exams, Luda is immersed in paperwork and Andrew is happily visiting his old class. This quiet time gave me chance to write this (with Mark's input.)

I wonder what adventure is coming today. More relatives? Some unforeseen drama? Maybe we'll be lucky and just have another happy monopoly game.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Food, Fun and a Road Trip....

2012-01-20T13:56:00.001-05:00

Andrew loves food and was happy to get to eat at the Ukrainian Piccadily Puzatta-Hatta ("Fat Hut"). I followed him through the line and copied his order, except I got a little less. It was fun hearing him order in his new half Ukrainian/half English mix. He usually gets the first few word out in Ukrainian and then unconsciously switches to English because he is more comfortable speaking English now.

After dinner, we went back outside and saw a big Carousel. Andrew said he'd never gotten to ride one before. It was fun seeing his delighted face as he rode on the pony. I'm so glad he's still enough of a little boy to get such pleasure out of something so simple.

We were with new friends we met on the airplane. They are adopting through Reece's Rainbow. Reece's Rainbow helps people find and adopt special needs children mostly children with Down's syndrome but also children with physical disabilities such as hearing impairment and illnesses including cancer.

We were all staying near the Irish pub so we stopped by there on the way home. Andrew got a big piece of cheesecake, but I got something better. Mark took a photo of me with my happy White Russian:

The next day, we had a quiet morning before need to change apartments. The landlady and her son helped us carry our suitcases to the new tiny apartment few blocks away. We asked for cheaper places so we are getting smaller apartments than last time. We settled into our new place. Mark was able to work, Andrew enjoyed watching Ukrainian tv and I read on my kindle. Soon it was time to walk back to the SDA to sign for the referral. That was an easy process. It was getting dark when we came out and snowing. We wanted to get coffee, but decided to stop by St. Michael's first. As we walked there, Mark and Andrew threw snowballs at each other and I pretended I didn't know them. Suddenly, we heard the church bells ringing in an especially festive way and remembered it was the Vespers of Theophany (Epiphany).I loved hearing the bells calling us to church and walking throughout the snowy street lit with beautiful Christmas lights made it even better.

After church, we had dinner and then did a little shopping on the way home. I was wearing white gloves from Target that left glittery white lint on my coat. I tried to pretend It was happy pixie dust from Mary Evelyn in heaven but it bothered me. Thankfully, I've spent enough time in Kiev that I had a good guess of where to go to get new gloves and a lint roller. It was very satisfying to walk into the department store and make my purchases. I felt almost native.

That night, Andrew and I couldn't sleep. Andrew's bed was a hard little couch and he tossed and turned. Mark wisely took a sleeping pill at midnight. I thought I'd be able to sleep, but I couldn't. We were planning to get up at 4:15 and the hours dragged by. At 12:52 I was startled when the Skype phone rang. I was worried that something was wrong, but it was just Mike and Angela calling to let me know my puppy wanted to say hi! They had forgotten about the time change. It was so good to see their familiar, happy faces. It made me feel a lot better.

I laid back down and tried to sleep, but I couldn't. I was too burdened with my thoughts and emotions. At 3:00, the phone rang again. It was Thomas. I was glad to hear his voice. When I teased him about calling me in the middle of the night, he explained that my Skype was saying I was online and he also forgot about the time change. He thought it was the opposite and that it was morning for us. I had taken the iPad into the bathroom to talk to Thomas without bothering Mark and it was cute when Andrew crowded in with me so he could say hello too. Andrew was wide awake and had been tossing and turning just like me.

After saying goodbye to Thomas, I gave Andrew a snack. I quizzed him on multiplication which immediately made him tired and then told him we would race to see who first got to sleep. That worked for him and he slept, but I was still awake when the alarm went off.

Leo and Luda arrived at 5:45 and we climbed into the van for the 5 hour drive to Kovel. Andrew made a bed in the backseat and I snuggled with Mark. Soon we both got some good sleep.

When I woke up, we were driving on icy, snowy but smooth roads through the beautiful Ukrainian countryside. It was snowing outside and just getting light.
We arrived in Kovel by midmorning and went to the familiar regional office to get the paperwork. It was nice go see the kind, friendly people who helped us last time and they enjoyed seeing our Andrew and how happy and healthy he is.

We soon drove to the orphanage to meet with the Director. He was very warm and friendly. It was sweet to see how happy he was to see Andrew. Andrew showed him the photo book we made as a gift for him. It has photos of Andrew's life from June to the present showing family, church, school, friends and baseball! Andrew could hardly speak enough Ukrainian to explain anything to him, so Luda needed to help. I think it gave him some good reassurance about Andrew's new life and we gave him the book to keep as a gift.

The Director was happy for us to adopt Nadia and Ruslan so all is well from that side. He said he will help us with the process. It was nice to see him and the other people at the orphanage again and especially to see how they love Andrew.

At last we were shown to that same room where we played with Andrew the morning we met him, and there we waited for Nadia and Ruslan.

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An Easy SDA appointment! Really!

2012-01-17T15:26:00.001-05:00

We went for breakfast this morning at my favorite coffee shop and sat at the table with the "empty chair". It's kinda fun to be back here together walking on these familiar snowy streets.

Mark spent the afternoon drilling Andrew on his multiplication facts and I spent it writing until suddenly it was time for our SDA appointment. We hurried over and were happy to greet Svetta and Luda outside. Once in the building, it was nice to not feel any stress or worry about what kids we were getting. Instead, we greeted the adoption specialist with thanks for her help in selecting Andrew with us. It was nice for her to meet him and to see him explain the photo book we brought of his first six months in America. It was funny to hear him speaking with an English/Ukrainian salad of words. He'd start off in Ukrainian, but a few words into a sentence would switch into English.

We selected Nadia and Ruslan and will return to the SDA tomorrow to sign the referral.

After our appointment, Mark and Andrew started throwing snowballs at each other.

Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Back in Kiev!

2012-01-16T09:44:00.001-05:00

After our 17 hour journey,It was nice to be greeted by Svetta and Leo at the airport. We're back in Kiev in our original first day apartment over the Irish pub. It's snowing and cold outside but since it's fresh snow, everything looks lovely.it's supposed to be very cold and snowy every day for the duration of our trip.

We are going to take a short nap before heading out to our favorite pizza place and then go early to bed. Hopefully we'll adjust quickly to the time change.

Andrew was excited to see some of his favorite foods in the grocery store. We let him pick out a couple things he especially likes such as balogna and a chocolate cake roll. It's interesting to hear him speaking here, he's mixing up English with Russian/Ukrainian. He prefers speaking English. He's been a good boy on the trip and likes to carry my bags- at least until they get heavy after a minute or two of good intentions.

I'm feeling a little stressed about being back here. I noticed my hands were clenched in the van. As my thought started spiraling down a little, I found a kopek from heaven in the bathroom.

That cheered me up.

I'll update more later when I'm not so sleepy!

Plans and Preparations

2012-01-09T18:34:00.000-05:00

Mark and I have made our lists of things to do and buy before we go. One thing we almost forgot was Andrew's passport. Fortunately you can get one right away at the passport office in Atlanta so it's not a problem. The trip feels much easier the second time because there are less unknowns.There are restaurants and coffee shops I like in Kiev and Kovel and we even have a favorite church in each city. The women in Kiev dress very nicely, so to fit in I should be bringing black leather high heeled boots, but I'm bringing sensible snow boots like anyone in New Jersey would wear to the ShopRite. I don’t want to advertise that I’m an American, but my feet are important to me. I am packing a beautiful black coat so I’ll have part of the local look. The Ukrainians may think I’m a Ukrainian woman who sadly has foot problems.

I set aside clothes and drawer space in Andrew's room for Ruslan from the beginning so we're prepared for him. I’ll find out his shoe size when I’m there. A few friends and relatives have given me some clothes that we think will fit Nadia and I bought a beautiful gray woolen coat for her. It’s fun and scary to be getting clothes for a teenage girl. Just like with Andrew, we have to have complete outfits for them when they leave the orphanage and I want Nadia to feel pretty.

Our appointment will be Tuesday, January 17th so Mark, Andrew and I will fly on Sunday, January 15th to Kiev. We’ll arrive Monday morning and settle in for two nights in Kiev. After our appointment on Tuesday, there is a follow up appointment Wednesday for the referral giving us permission to go see Nadia and Ruslan. When we have signed for the referral, we’ll drive out to Kovel so we can see the kids on Thursday.

Thursday will be a busy day of meeting with adoption officials, orphanage Director and seeing the kids. We can’t wait to see their happy faces! It’ll be nice for everyone to see Andrew and they will be able to see how happy and healthy he is. He’ll also be able to reassure Nadia and Ruslan about what life with us is like in case they are scared. He can also translate for us a little although he says he's forgotten alot of Ukrainian.

We’ll visit again on Friday but also be busy filing paperwork, signing documents and driving from notary to court to orphanage and back again.I think we’ll be back in Kiev to submit papers by Monday or Tuesday and then we can go home. Mark and Andrew will definitely go home; I may stay if it is a short time in between then and the court date. I don’t mind having a quiet week by myself in Kiev if it’ll save $800. I can settle in with good books on kindle and enjoy the peace, but if it’s much longer than a week, I’m coming home too. I am doing better balancing my grief over Mary Evelyn with finding purpose and joy in life but don't want to stretch myself too hard.

Mark and I both have to be there for court, but that trip may only be three days. Then we’ll both come home to wait until we can go back and pick up the kids.I may go on the last trip by myself. Luda and her husband Leo will be with me so it’ll be fun and maybe even easy. I’ll just need to follow directions and sign lots of things. I hope to take the kids to the Lavra Monastery, beautiful churches and an opera or ballet while we're in Kiev waiting to go home.

Hopefully, I’ll be back in Atlanta with the kids by the end of February.

Father Jacob has insisted to me that I update the blog more regularly this time so I will try to post a lot.

Hopefully, it won’t be the emotional rollercoaster this time and you’ll get sleepy reading it.

2012-01-04T19:04:00.000-05:00

Mark, Andrew and I will be travelling to Ukraine on January 15th. Mark and Andrew will go with me for the first five-seven days and then either we’ll all come home or I’ll stay on in Kovel for the next few weeks by myself at the clean and pleasant hotel with the loud nightlife. The adoption has of course in the works for months, but the reality is hitting home in new ways now and I’m glad to say I’m surprisingly less nervous than I expected to be.

I’m dreading that final push to clean out Mary Evelyn’s closet a little more, I’m a bit on edge about the possibility of messing up the happy family we have with just Andrew at home by adding two somewhat unknowns, but mostly I’m looking forward to this new chapter, new adventure and new chance to give amazing opportunities to two children who have spent a non-childhood in multiple orphanages.

It’s a different challenge to bond with teens, but we already have some experience with it. When Mark and I had been married for a few months, he adopted my biological son Thomas who was 15. Thomas and Mark were like peas and carrots for the next few years. I remember how excited Thomas was about having a father for the first time in his life. Just because your parent is alive doesn’t mean they are able or perhaps willing to be a real parent to you. The teenage years are so tumultuous that having a parent who loves you and will take the time to walk through those ups and downs with you is a great gift.

Bonding with kids who are from a different culture, speak another language and have suffered severe neglect (and who knows what else) will be a greater challenge than bonding with a child from a loving home who simply needed one more parent. There are many things we simply don’t know about their lives and birth family, and I imagine they will need lots of love.

I’m considering home schooling the older two to give them more time in a parent-child relationship and to hopefully move forward academically as quickly as possible. Fayette County Schools have been very good for Andrew and Mary Evelyn. I was impressed by the way Mary Evelyn’s needs were always addressed in pro-active and loving ways. She was hearing impaired and received lots of extra help for that from the first day of kindergarten. Once her cancer was back, the school did everything possible to support our family. Andrew has had a similarly supportive and loving environment at his school, as appropriate for his needs. These positive experiences give me confidence that if homeschooling is not right for us, we have a great back up plan in sending them to public school.

If any of you have resources to suggest or know of someone who has adopted older kids, I’d love to hear your advice.

Our translator said that the kids told her they just couldn’t wait any longer.I’m glad they don’t have to. Hopefully, I’ll be back with them by Valentine's Day

His First American Christmas

2011-12-23T12:01:00.001-05:00

I pulled out the big box of cookie cutters and Andrew was amazed. We must have about 100 because not only did I love baking with Mary Evleyn, but I taught kindergarten and preschool so I have a fine collection.

He looked at me and softly said, "I've never made cookies before."

He was excited to help me, especially when I showed him the cookie gun. Being all boy, just the word gun - so much more fun sounding than cookie press- was a thrill.

Decorating his first tree, shopping at Lenox mall and seeing his wide eyed amazement at the decorations and shoppers, watching Christmas movies ( OK, sometimes I make Mark do that because of hot button issues with Mary Evelyn), anyway it's a lot of fun. Maybe it's a little like seeing a baby's first Christmas through the eyes of a ten year old.

We will be going to church Christmas Eve and then up to Mark's sister Pam
s house for a big, happy Christmas spend the night party .

We can't wait.

Meanwhile, Nadia and Ruslan are waiting for us in Ukraine. We hope to be there between January 10 and the 17th but will not have a date until next week.

We couldn't get a date early enough for the tax rebate so our finances are a little challenged going into this. Thankfully, Promise 686 is giving us another matching grant. If you would like to help us out, here is the info:

Promise 686 is a ministry dedicated to helping children who are orphans or in foster care and is a ministry partner of Perimeter Church, which is where Mark and I met many years ago.

Promise686 (www.promise686.org) has graciously given a Matching Grant of $4,000 to help us with our adoption expenses. If you would like to help our orphans, you can send your tax-deductible gift to the address below. Your donation will be matched by Promise686 on a $1-for-$1 basis up to $4000, thus multiplying the impact of your gift. All gifts are tax deductible as promise 686 is a 501c3 tax exempt organization.

Please make checks payable to: Promise686, Inc. You may preference how the donation might be used by writing “King Adoption” in the memo section of your check. If you don’t write King Adoption, the donation will go into a general fund. Funds donated to “King Adoption” will be matched and are intended to be used to reimburse us for adoption expenses.

Note: per IRS guidelines, promise686 maintains complete discretion and control over the use of all donated funds, but intends to honor the donor’s suggested use.

Mail checks to:
Promise 686, Inc.
3600 River Ferry Drive
Alpharetta, G A 30022

Thank you for considering helping us and again for your prayers and love through the years.
Mark and Edna King

“A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families…” Psalm 68:5-6a

Waiting and Wondering

2011-12-06T17:33:00.000-05:00

Adoption blogs seem to be about waiting a lot and ours is no exception. We can't cut in line to go to Ukraine earlier in December so will wait until sometime in January and miss the Big Tax Credit.

We also found out that Nadia and Ruslan are visitng their sister and extended family for a couple weeks at Christmas so they won't be ready to leave until mid January.

We wondered if they really understand what adoption is, how far away America is and what their family might be thinking about it all.

We asked Luda to ask Nadia a few important questions the next time she gets the opportunity- everyo so often Nadia getrs access to a cell phone and calls Luda to see if she knows when we are coming!

This extra time and our questions about them spending time with their family gave us reason to to reevaluate our decision. Am I really up to this (Edna)? Are we taking them away from their family? Can we afford this?

After praying, crying, complaining (me, not Mark) and having long conversations on the phone and in person with various friends and relatives, I guess the answer is there are no guarantees in life and when you ask God for clear cut direction, the answer is often still anything but clear.

Great gain always carries great risk.

Nadia and Ruslan have been in the orphanage for at least four years and their family has no legal right to take them home. The kids asked us to adopt them, and we believe they did so out of a heartfelt longing to be part of our family. What they wrote in their notes last summer was all about loving us and wanting a mom and dad, a family, not about getting to live in America.

A year from now, Nadia's life will be much better if she is safe in my home instead of getting ready to leave the orphanage with an eight grade education.

A year from now, Ruslan will be in a more secure place in our home rather than staying where he is.

I am a grieving mom, but also a loving mom who understands loss. Mark and I can empathize with Nadia and Ruslan and maybe we can help each other heal.

We believe that God will give us the grace to cope with the challenges and so are moving forward, in prayer.

We've applied with Lifesong for an interest free loan and are applying to Promise 686 again for matching grant funds.

Thanks for your continued prayers.

2011-11-21T21:43:00.000-05:00

In school, Andrew made a list of five things he was thankful for:

It is a beautiful expression of his sweet heart and of the joy that he has in his new life, but it also conveys his sense of God's presence in the hard, lonely times he has been through.

It's a lovely reminder of what we celebrate this Thanksgiving.

*No news about our appointment.

prayers requested

2011-11-18T20:16:00.002-05:00

The SDA (State Dept. for Adoptions) for the Ukrainain government, has been not been granting appointments for the last month. They have been processing applications that were submitted ( at least those like ours that were submitted in October) but while the SDA transfers authority to a new govt. agency called the Ministry of Social Policy, they are not able to grant appointments. The appointments are when parents are able to request a chance to visit orphan children they may want to adopt and begin the adoption process in Ukraine.

Stopping apointments is creating a backlog of cases, so we may not get our appointment this year.

Probably everyone adopting right now very much wants their appointment to be by mid December because this is the last year that the US govt. has a generous tax rebate for adoptions.The tax rebate changes next year as there are budget cuts. In order to get the rebate for Nadia and Ruslan, we would need to have our appointment and our court date before Dec. 31st.

The tax rebate makes the adoption feasable, especially when adopting two more kids within one year of adopting the first one.

All that to say, our facilitator is meeting with an official on Monday to request a December Appointment for us since we know who we want to adopt, the kids have already said yes and because they are older kids. All of that should keep the process simple.

Please pray that God will smooth the way for us to get an early December Appointment and help us finish the process in 2011.

Thanks!

As American As Baseball

2011-11-11T11:08:00.001-05:00

Andrew has adapted easily to his new life. He attends third grade at a local public school and is in a regular class but gets extra help from the English as a Second Language teacher and visits a first grade class for reading help- which he loves. He is very happy at school and is naturally friendly, outgoing and nice to everyone.

Andrew's English has improved so much that he can express whatever he needs to and can tell us stories about his childhood. His life has certainly been an adventure. He has experienced homelessness, living in many different houses and two orphanages. He's been hungry and cold. He's very grateful for his new family and life here.

Sports are one of his loves in life and he played baseball this fall on a local team. He picked up the new skills easily and loved being on the team. I thought he was especially cute in the uniform. It was a great experience for him to bond with his teammates, learn to focus on the game and work hard at achieving something in a fun and competitive setting.

My adjustment has seemed much harder than Andrew's. It is a big emotional stretch to adopt a child after the death of a child, at least for me. I've been a little better lately, but it has been a huge struggle.Mark has done a much better job with it. I like to blame that on the way men handle things vs. women's emotions, but in any case, he has made the adjustment well.

Andrew often asks about Mary Evelyn. Her pictures and artwork are all over our house and he calls her his "sweet sister". Maybe his pragmatic attitudes toward loss/death and God's grace had kept him from feeling wierd about living in a house where a child has recently died. If he knows that something belonged to her, he sees it as more precious, just like I do. It is very sweet.

We are planning to return to Ukraine and adopt Nadia and Ruslan, but do not have specific dates. It will not be in November becasuse the Ukrainian Government Adoption offices (SDA) are shut down while they change agencies and buildings.

Adopting two older children may help with my adjustment by changing the dynamic. Andrew is in the same grade Mary Evelyn would have been in and is about the same developmental level. Maybe having two more will also keep me so busy I won't have time to be so sad.

Nadia and Ruslan are very excited about coming home with us and are such sweet kids, it will be worth whatever adjustments mama has to go through.

In the meantime, Andrew is loving his famliy, watching lots of Super Hero cartoons, riding his bike, learning to read English and is an altar boy at church. His life is busy and happy. He has spent the night at friends' houses and fits in well wherever he goes. He loved trick or treating and dressed up as a ninja.

Andrew's tenth birthday was October 12 and we celebrated it with a costume party hosted by Uncle Ray and Aunt Janice. He told me it was his best birthday ever. He had never had a party before.

It is a great joy to see a child getting to experience so many joys in life for the first time and to see his grateful and happy spirit. Yesterday he told his teacher that He thanks God for his new family, his church and his school.

Andrew's new life here is an answer to the prayers he prayed as a lonely orphan in his church in Ukraine.

Andrew loves life as an American!

2011-07-25T19:20:00.004-04:00

Andrew loved celebrating the Fourth of July as an American. He enjoyed watching the Peachtree City Parade and as he scooped up the candy thrown by the various parade participants, he said: I love life in America!He loved having everyone at our house and then going to see the fireworks that night. As you can see, he was busy charming his cousins!

He has learned a lot of English both by conversing with people, being directly instructed in language and by watching Power Rangers. Mark and I work with him with English books, workbooks and flashcards and he can read a lot of words. I also got a book about Ukrainian heroes, written in Ukrainian, so he can keep up with his Cyrillic. We’ve also had him practice basic math facts (adding and subtracting) and he’s learned some English math vocabulary such as the basic shapes. He will be going to Cleveland Elementary School in August and will be in either 3rd or 4th grade, depending on how he performs on some upcoming tests.

Today he started a week of Backyard Sports Camp. Last week he attended a church camp at Saint Mary’s. Although the camp was in English, there were Ukrainian and Russian speakers there to help him. He loved it! He told me he can speak “Big Ukrainian, big Russian and little English”. He seemed to do fine though and is able to communicate his needs or what he wants to tell us without calling anyone or relying on Google translate. We knew he would love camp, but also thought it would help him with the transition to school. Plus, it gives mama a break which helps with her adjustment.

Andrew is very well adjusted emotionally and makes friends everywhere he goes. He is kind to other people and makes sure no one is ever left out in group situations. He loves having a family and often lists us by name, always including Mary Evelyn. He is especially excited about having a big brother. He was looking at old photos with us and was carefully identifying each person in his extended family. His family is very important to him and he loves each person. In his prayers, which are still often in Church Slavonic although he is learning to pray in English, he usually lists his American friends now in place of his group in Ukraine which shows he is transitioning in a healthy way.

Riding his bicycle is lots of fun (he’s already been to the BMX tack in Peachtree City) and he is improving as a swimmer, too. He scares me sometimes because he’s so fearless. He went to a Braves game and now is all about baseball. He loves to practice with his dad, and wants to be on a team this fall. Andrew moves like an athlete and it will be fun to watch him play sports as he grows up.

He is an altar boy at our church and tries to help out in every way possible. He is so happy to have church friends and the opportunity to help our priest. He just got a new robe and was very excited about that, too. He is confident and outgoing while being friendly and caring about others. So far, his leadership ability hasn’t veered into being bossypants.

A few weeks ago, we took him to the International Adoption Clinic at Children’s in Birmingham and they were amazed at how healthy and well adjusted he is. They saw that he is fine, but that I have been struggling. They were sympathetic about how hard this has been on me to deal with a new child and the grief I bear for Mary Evelyn. They said that adopting anyone else would probably not have worked because usually there is a long period of adjustment for the child which would have been too hard for us. Andrew adjusted right away, seamlessly, and that is a great gift for us. To deal with the usually difficulties on top of losing a child so recently would have been too hard. In the meantime, we are still planning to adopt Nadia and Ruslan, but are waiting until we are ready.

They assured me that bonding takes time, but with a sweet wonderful boy like Andrew it will come and I believe they are right. He does bring sunshine into our house each day and I’m sure that makes Mary Evelyn happy. As Andrew says, “I love you all the way up to Mary Evelyn in heaven” and that love will make this work out.

Story Line B

2011-06-18T11:31:00.010-04:00

Luda was able to have heart to heart talks with Nadia and Ruslan before we left so we got to know more of their story and more about them, too. It was hard to leave them behind. The first night he was with us, Andrew told our translator that he had a dream that Ruslan came to him and asked us to come back for him and bring him home, too. OK, Ok, we’re getting the message, but we needed to come home to America and be sure it was a wise decision and not just an emotional one. We talked about it a lot in the last few days and were leaning towards the idea of adopting them. We have been impressed by Andrew’s smooth transition into his life here in our family and think the other two will also fit right in. We saw them in enough contexts to know that they are responsible, intelligent and well behaved.

We thought it was a good sign that Nadia’s name is Russian for Hope, but we knew what to do when we discovered what Ruslan’s name means. Ruslan means “the lion” and is the Russian version of the Turkish name Aslan.

Those of you who have followed our journey on caringbridge know that we read the Chronicles of Narnia to Mary Evelyn in the last year of her life and that in the last weeks; we compared the way she was going to heaven with the children going to Narnia, except heaven is real and much better. That was a great comfort to her and she said, in her sweet innocence, that she wanted to meet Aslan. Her oncologist desrcibed the way the neuroblastoma would suddenly overtake her as "falling off a cliff" just on the day we read about a girl in Narnia who fell off a cliff, but was blown gently to safety by Aslan( as Mary Evelyn is in the painting). Narnia helped us all conceive of death as a continuation of life in a different, better yet unseen world, which is what it is. Later, at her visitation in the funeral home, Mark and I were surprised by the gift of a stuffed lion from a total stranger who didn’t that Narnia meant anything to us. It was like a sign that Mary Evelyn indeed had gone to “Narnia”. Now, we have been given the opportunity to adopt two more sweet children: Hope and Aslan.

We have contacted our adoption facilitators and started the process. Luda called Nadia to relay a message from us. After reading our letter to her, she told Nadia that if she changes her mind about being adopted, let her know. Nadia said, “You can ask me as many times as you want, but I will never change my mind. I want to go with them.”

Sometime in the next few months, we’ll be a big family with 5 kids: Thomas who is 27, Nadia is almost 16, Ruslan is 12, Andrew is 9 and sweet Mary Evelyn, who has moved beyond age, is with us in spirit and forever in our hearts.

PS I would've udpated sooner, but Andrew came downstairs for breakfast limping due to his bike accident and I spent all day taking him to the doctor, getting x-rays, etc just to find out he's fine. It was hard to bring him to ME's pediatrician, but the doctor is from Belarus and speaks Russian so I had to go there for Andrew's sake. We also went to Mary Evelyn's dentist, where I cried from overwrought emotions, but they were all kind and it was Ok.

Helicopters, Bikes and Golf Carts

2011-06-16T09:23:00.005-04:00

When people get home, the adoption blogs go silent and everyone wonders if it’s gone wrong. Not in our case, we’re just busy taking care of the things that need to be done after being gone 9 weeks and having fun with our little son.

Sunday morning Andrew wore his Ukrainian shirt to church and looked really handsome. Several of the Russian speakers in our church welcomed him warmly and that helped him feel right at home. He handled the special attention that he got as our newly adopted son with poise and confidence. I think he liked the air-conditioning, but I guess the basic familiarity of the service, which is the same in all Orthodox churches, must have gone a long way to make him comfortable, too.

Uncle Ray gave him a new red bike and he’s been busy learning how to ride it. He’s very determined and almost over confident so he’s picked up this new skill quickly but over estimated his mastery of it and had a big crash the other evening. He’s all scraped up now, but will be back on it again as soon as the soreness is gone.

Thomas gave Andrew a remote controlled helicopter which he loved. After flying it around the house a little, I kicked them outside. They flew it for a pretty long time before Andrew flew it over the house and it disappeared. Maybe it’s on the roof. Andrew handled that disappointment well and took it in stride. Thomas is getting a replacement for him and so they'll get to try again, maybe in an open field.

On Monday, I had to go to the dentist, so I packed Andrew up and drove up to Atlanta. My friend Leslie invited him to play with her kids during my appointment, so I dropped him off and went on. He had a great time and just simply fit in with everyone. He wasn’t afraid, he just acted normally. I couldn’t get over how easy going he is. He just handles every new situation with cheerful confidence.

Andrew had another adventure on Tuesday when he got to sit in Cindy’s lap and steer her golf cart! He loved that.

He was patient and kept himself busy playing Q-Bert on the ipad while we got our nails done. We went to Partner’s Pizza for lunch, which was a little hard for me because I used to take Mary Evelyn there every Friday when she was I preschool, but it turned out to be fun. We gave him a few quarters and he happily played arcade games before eating a good lunch. When he saw I had ordered coke for him ( he knows I think of it as a special occasion drink) he said thank you, mama!

While we were eating, Mark called. He had something special to tell me about the other two kids we’re thinking of adopting in Ukraine, Nadia and Ruslan, but that’s for another update. This update is just to let you know that Andrew is adjusting well, he’s happy and calm. He told us he loves his new family. He eats a lot, he goes right to sleep when he goes to bed, he remembers to say his prayers ( which he chants- really cute) and he is polite and loving to us. I’m sure there will be challenges ahead, but for now, it’s smooth sailing. He even makes his bed each morning, and tidies up his own room, now that he knows we expect him too. He likes to walk our dog and play with her. Mark’s mother said that Andrew has a special gift- the gift of making the people around him happy and I think she is right. He thinks of others and wants to make them comfortable in subtle ways.

I liked the way he took a moment to give his littlest cousin Chloe a ride on his back in the pool when he saw her playing by herself on the steps while everone was doing chicken fights.

The biggest problem is language. Google translate helps, but sometimes it says crazy things so we just giggle at it. Andrew got his first hard scold over bad behavior when Mark was trying to get him to work on English skills. He straightened up right away and seems to be taking it more seriously now. If he doesn’t pick up the language well now, what will happen when he starts school? He’ll be so far behind and he wasn’t a stellar student in Ukraine, either. We think he met their low expectations and think he will in turn rise to meet our higher expectations. He seems very smart to me.

This morning I’m taking him to the pediatric dentist and I expect to see them a lot. I’m making an appointment to bring him to the International Adoption Clinic at UAB next for a complete check up, but expect that he’s perfectly healthy.

Yes, I will write that other update about Nadia and Ruslan later today.

Home!

2011-06-11T13:35:00.001-04:00

We’re Home
After an uneventful trip, we were met at the airport by lots of balloon carrying, flag waving, clapping happy relatives! Everyone was so excited to meet Andrew and he seemed to feel the same way. He is such an emotionally healthy, physically healthy, friendly child. It is amazing considering what an adventure it must be to be a child in a new country, with new family and unfamiliar foods and places and limited language.
It’s a little bit like adopting Curious George: he’s curious about everything, but he’s a good boy.
The first thing he said to me this morning was a spontaneous I love you. It’s really fun to give so much joy to a child. He seems to have gone through 70% of the stuff in our house so far and is excited and happy at everything he finds. When he tasted his first bite of fruit loops this morning, he said, “mmmmm, so good!” He’s eager to do everything and is full of joi de vivre. He’s already off playing soccer with a boy from across the street.
It was naturally bittersweet for us to come home to our home so full of Mary Evelyn memories. Andrew discovered her Barbie Jeep this morning and that alone caused a few tears. He noticed, and when we told him we were thinking of Mary Evelyn, he hugged us and said, “ne platch” which means don’t cry. It is very hard to be here without her, and an adjustment to be parenting another child so close in age, but it is also a great joy and will help us to live more fully while we wait to see her again.
I’m sure you are curious about the other two kids. That will be another update ;)

Like a Duck to Water

2011-06-08T16:36:00.000-04:00

On our way home

Snap! Just like that, things started moving ahead at a blistering pace on Sunday, after our translator arrived. She is a fast and smooth operator! On Sunday we had the party for the kids in Sasha's group. On Monday and Tuesday we ran all over, getting Sasha's new birth certificate and passport. This stuff can sometimes take a week or more, but it was done by close of business on Tuesday, in time for us to go pick up Sasha and rush back to Kiev. It was such a thrill to finally be getting Sasha and so see him off campus, wearing the new clothes we got for him and just enjoying his new life and even his first Happy Meal! Seeing his pleasure of discovery in things as simple as the warm air hand dryer, fries with ketchup and a hamburger brought more joy to us than we would have ever expected.

Last night when we said bedtime prayers, we took turns between Sasha saying them in Slavonic and Mark saying the same ones in English. I got a little teary when Sasha listed each of the kids his his group by name in his prayer because it was so sweet. He has lived with most of them like siblings for two years and loves them. What a change for him, and for us.

So far he's adjusting very well. He is obviously very happy, is eating a lot and wants to please us. Mark's diligent studying of Russian is paying off now as he's able to communicate pretty well with Sasha. I am still nodding, smiling and speaking English. I'm also calling him Andrew. Andrew did have his first time out today, but it was around the time each of us was feeling emotionally worn out anyway so a nap was timely and he woke up so pleasantly. There nothing sweeter than a child who knows his parents are in charge (for those few precious moments when you feel in charge that is).

We expect to be heading home soon. Today we had a bright and early start by going to the American Embassy to submit documents and then Sasha had a brief medical appointment for his visa. The doctor there said she thought he was very neglected as a child but that he has no cognitive or mental abnormalities. We agree, with the right opportunities, he is going to bloom. We have one more appointment tomorrow at the American Embassy and then we are done! We plan to fly home on Friday!

Tonight we had dinner with one of our American friends who also just got his son out of the orphanage. We are so happy that God blessed us with this perfect timing once again! We met at the TGI Fridays and this time they brought a huge bowl of ice for us and I was almost as excited about my ice water as Andrew was about the big ice cream sundae he had after dinner!

So many new fun experience to look forward to at home soon! He's taken to being part of our family like a duck takes to water.

The Importance of Spelling

2011-06-06T16:59:00.002-04:00

A bit more on our story line "B":

Last week, Ruslan, our soon-to-be-official son's friend, whom we've mentioned already, gave us a note with a misspelled word. The note said, I want nothing from you, I just want you to ...... me.

We thought it might have said adopt me, but all week he's been avoiding us. The alternate translation was I want nothing, I just want you to stop it with me. Interestingly, his older sister, Nadia, has walked by daily, and after we invited her to play volleyball with us and our Sasha, she's appeared at each of our visits and has needed only the slightest encouragement to spend time with us. She speaks less English than I speak Ukrainian so it's been a challenge for both of us, but I can see that she is a good girl, kind and loving to the younger kids and considerate of others.

We went to church again yesterday with the orphans. Once again, it was hot so Mark and I spent the last half of the service on the porch in the fresh, cool air. Naturally, many of the teens were also out there and it was remarkable how well behaved they were. At the end of the service, there was a procession outside to bless the water of the well. The church is still being built and the well looked new. As the priest sloshed everyone with holy water I could see his love for the children and got a glimpse of his sense of humor, too. Priests always seem to enjoy getting you a little too wet!

After church we walked back to the school surrounded by happy little children vying for our attention. There was a quiet moment while the little ones were changing into play clothes and Nadia took advantage of it to tell me that she wants us to be her parents. I couldn't begin to explain the complications of adoption or even our mystery concerning her brother so I just hugged her. It is dangerous being here. The children want a family so badly. I am sure that there are others who want us to be their parents too. The sad part is that most of them will never be adopted because they are teenagers and that scares off people who haven't met them.

Luda, our translator, arrived yesterday after we returned from the school. We showed her Ruslan's note and she couldn't read it either. She said the important word was so misspelled it didn't make sense! Anyway, we were very busy all afternoon. We went to the market, which had many individual stores in metal stalls, and bought more clothes for Sasha. We also bought fruit and ice cream bars for a going away party for his class. We drove to the school and arrived shortly before dinner. We gave the children in Sasha's class each a banana to enjoy while we washed the fruit. Ruslan saved his to share with Nadia so we gave him two. He was giving us sweet smiles today and was being very helpful with the party preparations while the others kids played with our iPad.

Luda took Sasha aside and asked him about Ruslan. Sasha told her that Ruslan thought he wanted to be adopted by us but then decided he didn't because he has a family that visits sometimes. Ok, mystery solved, apparently I misunderstood Nadia, but that didn't seem possible. A few minutes later, Luda was alone with Ruslan while he was helping with the fruit and she asked him about it all and he said he wants us to be his parents. He said he knows his mother will never take him out of the orphanage and he wants a family and he likes us very much. She told him that we can't take him right now but that we like him very much too. This seemed to relax him and he seemed happier.

The class went to dinner. We sat with them and our thoughtful Sasha brought each of us a thick piece of bread topped with a square of scrambled egg. Mark was good and ate his, I ate my bread and discreetly disposed of the egg. Ruslan gave Mark his own drink. Towards the end of the meal, we passed out platters of grapes and strawberries for the class. They ate them all up and clearly enjoyed the fruit as a special treat.

After the end of meal prayer, we went back to the hallway outside their rooms and passed out the ice-cream bars. They have a new classmate so we were one short. Ruslan first tried to give his ice cream to Mark and after much insisting, not wanting to hurt his feelings by rejecting his loving gesture, Mark took a bite and gave it back. When Ruslan saw we were one short, he then tried to give it to Sasha who had passed them all out and was not complaining that he hadn't gotten one. Sasha wanted Ruslan to have it. I'm not sure if they shared it or what, but the last I saw they were each insisting the other have it. These kids don't get ice cream very much and the other kids were savoring every mouthful. The littlest one, Vanya, who is the sunshine of the class, took little licks and enjoyed it for so long I was amazed it didn't melt before he finished.

Sasha seemed to be on top of the world. He is so happy he just sparkles. He filmed the kids eating ice cream and goofing around. We were playing a game of balloon volleyball when Nadia and the 14 year old Sasha joined us. The older Sasha is very polite, friendly and would be a delightful son also. Nadia and Luda had a long talk by the window and cleared up everything. Nadia was able to interpret Ruslan's misspelled word which can be translated as take- I just want you to take me with you. I imagine they've been talking a lot this week.

After we left the school, Luda explained that because Nadia will be 16 in a couple weeks, if we or anyone else wants to adopt her, the paperwork would have to be done now, before her birthday. So we need to decide right away and get moving on it.

We came here thinking that ten was older than we would want to adopt and suddenly here we are adopting a nine year old and seriously considering coming back for a 13 and 16 year old. Life is full of surprises.

A group of happy friends at Sasha/Andrew's going away party (Ruslan is on Sasha's right)

A great picture of a happy Tato and son!

A great picture of a happy mama and son!

Comfy

2011-06-03T14:28:00.003-04:00

Sasha has gotten very comfortable. Yesterday, after visiting with the group, he wanted us to take a walk. We went outside the walls of the orphanage and down a dirt road to a pretty meadow. We sat in the grass and had yogurt for a snack. We'd only brought two yogurts and I chose not to have one. He thought it was delicious. He mixed a little of Mark's in with his and then got out a spoon for me and insisted I taste it. I've been a mother a long time and have had to endure plenty, so I don't gross out as easily as I used to so I took a tiny, tiny taste and was rewarded by his delighted face.

After the snack, we sat in the grass and taught Sasha to play UNO. He sat in Mark's lap while we played and enjoyed the beautiful weather. at one point Mark said (in Ukrainian) "I'm very happy", to which our boy immediately replied, "Me too!" After a while a little rain cloud came up and we heard thunder. It looked otherwise pretty clear to me, but Sasha insisted we go back right then. He got us packed and went off down the road, holding Mark's hand. I lagged behind so I could take this photo:

Sasha turned around and asked Mark to wait up for me and took my hand too. It was sweet. Then of course, being a boy, he abruptly moved on to hitting things with sticks and other such things until we got back to the school. We were barely inside before the rain poured down. Truly he's a country boy who knows his weather!

Today's visit had barely started when two teenage girls and a teenage boy joined us. They stayed with us for the rest of the visit so Mark played with the boys and I had frustrating attempts at conversation with the girls. I think they are nice girls and wish I could talk with them. The more time I spend with various teenagers, the more I understand people who come here just to adopt teens. They are winsome in their own way and need homes as much as the little ones.

Meanwhile, the boys were having a blast roughhousing. Sasha was riding on Mark's shoulders and wearing him out.

The other boy was having fun with them too and was very cute. It was very fun to see this.

After our taxi ride back to the hotel, Mark and I went to our favorite pizza place for lunch and then walked over to a store to buy Sasha an outfit. We'll get him to try it on tomorrow. We stumbled on a bathing suit, which caught Mark's eye because Sasha has had so much fun playing a pirate video game on the iPad. When we pulled it out of the package and saw that it was a "speedo" style with a pirate skull on one side of the butt Mark thought it was so funny, he wanted to buy it, but I refused. I'm sure Sasha would have loved it, but ....no.

It was hard to find a complete outfit. They must not import or buy clothes as much as we do in the USA because the selection in the stores is much smaller and the clothes cost more. There's no Target, that's for sure.

After our shopping, we stopped by a bakery to get a treat before returning to the hotel where we made instant coffee and sat down for a desert. Ick. Baked goods here often look better than they taste but really, these were hardly edible. If I wanted to move to Ukraine, I'd open something like a Piece of Cake bakery in Kiev and soon have made a fortune, well except for the "fees" and things that you need to pay to keep things running smoothly...

We only have two more taxi rides over to see Sasha because Luda is coming on Monday. She'll help us translate and get ready on Monday and then Tuesday and Wednesday we'll be getting paperwork done. Hopefully, one of those days will be Sasha's last day in the orphanage.. We'll travel with him to Kiev to finish up more paperwork before bringing him home!

Want Mother

2011-06-01T12:18:00.003-04:00

We didn't realize it, but Sasha was singing or something in a performance this morning at the orphanage and when we arrived, we had to wait for a long time before we saw him. As we waited, we were soon surrounded by increasing numbers of very cute 8-11 year old orphans, some of whom must be from another school because we'd never seen them before. They were excited by the novelty of being around Americans and of course loved our iPad. Even with all the excitement, they were still good about taking turns playing games on the ipad and being downright adorable.

One of the boys, Edward, was particularly good with the English word games and we praised him for it. He's in Sasha's group but has always been a little reserved around us before. With the praise, Edward became more comfortable and after a few minutes he put together a sentence that broke my heart: I want mother. He immediately got a little shy after that outburst. A few minutes later, Sasha came down the hall. I saw him first and greeted him with a big hug. He has been good about sharing us, but soon wiggled his way inside the huddle of kids to be right next to Mark and was happy when Mark noticed him.

We soon went outside with him. On the way, we saw some women from the Regional Office who had helped us and I was very happy to have the chance to introduce them to our new son. They were delighted to meet him and congratulated us.

Sasha is increasingly comfy with us. We read Go Dogs Go! again and he named four of the dogs: Sasha, Thomas, Tato and Mama. He used our Ukrainian-English dictionary on the iPad to write: We are going to America. We are very happy.
He ate lots of fruit we'd brought for a snack and then ran off to get a drink. We followed and saw him drinking water out of a big dirty old pickle jar that was left by who knows who, who knows when. Mark brought the jar into the sunlight and showed Sasha the dirt and debris floating in it and he realized it was gross and pretended to spit it out. Funny boy, he really needs parents. We had just started a game of volleyball when Rouslan's sister Nadia walked by. We invited her to join us and the four of us had a good time. Rouslan himself has been keeping a safe distance from us since his note.

It is clear that many if these kids wish they could have parents. Several teenagers as well as little kids have been vying for our attention. I have been amazed at how well behaved these kids are and how emotionally healthy they seem to be. One of my friends in America said that some of his friends get tattoos and other of his friends adopt and it seems both kinds of friends keep going back for more. It is hard to resist these sweet children who long for families. I'm very glad that the first two groups of three kids that we visited have already been adopted, and I hope that someone will come for these kids. We are the first foreign adoption for this orphanage, but hopefully more people either Ukrainians or foreign people like us, will choose to adopt.

Sasha's smiles, Edna 's tears and Mark's determination to make it all work out

2011-05-30T15:36:00.000-04:00

Sasha is very happy about being adopted. he likes to show the other kids the little photo book of our house and pets. He's enjoying the attention from us and from his peers. it's very sweet, in a 100% boy way of being sweet.

I have continued to have my ups and downs Sometimes I want to run away to 2008, but that is impossible and I have to build a new life. I know I drive Mark crazy sometimes, but the adoption has a way of highlighting the loss of Mary Evelyn for me and it can add to my grief. I am sure it will get better in time, and because of the way this has unfolded, I believe that we are doing something good so I'm moving forward, hoping that my emotions will follow in time.

Saturday evening we'd just had another such moment of me crying and Mark being frustrated when we had to go to Vespers. The woman who hosted us for tea had invited us. It was a lovely service and when I thought the service was over, I went outside to wait for Mark on the church steps. The service, like Orthodox services have a way of doing, continued on longer than I expected and I was just considering if I should go back in when a young girl introduced herself to me. She spoke in nearly perfect English and was absolutely charming. Her father is the priest of that church; the woman we had tea with before, who is not the Matushka (which is the title for the priest's wife--btw, shows how charades can give you the wrong idea), had called them so we could meet. The girl, Sophie, introduced us to her sister and father. He kindly offered to take us for a ride to visit the other Orthodox churches in this town. We were delighted.

We drove around Kovel and stopped by one beautiful church after another. Most of them were brand new as the Communists had destroyed nearly every church in this town. Most of them now have congregations of about 100 families. When we arrived at various churches on our tour, many were still having vespers so we could go inside briefly and sometimes we met the priest. There were about 12 churches including one that is a monastery. The monastery and its church were also destroyed by the Communists, and our priest/tour guide told us that the bodies of many monks were discovered on the site, those who were summarily martyred at the time the buildings were destroyed. There is one new monk who is rebuilding; the new church will rise from the very spot of the original one, where so many hallowed remains were discoveredI. The location was especially lovely, just outside the town on a little island. It was very peaceful on the island and I wondered at the faith if this one monk who is working so hard by himself to re-establish the once thriving monastery.

here is a photo of one of the newest churches:

We felt comfortable with Sophie and her family and enjoyed our time together. she is a wonderful translator, and it was interesting to get to talk to her parents about many things. God gave us a lovely blessing by providing such kind new friends here and it made me think about how that will be one of the simple wonders of heaven: I expect that we'll become friends with all kinds of people we never would've met on earth and we'll have plenty of time to get to know them.

When we came home to the hotel at the end of the evening, Mark said it could be inspiring to me to see how these people are rebuilding after loss. Leave it to Mark to turn it into an object lesson. How do I live with this man!?

The next morning we went to church with the orphans. It was so hot and stuffy in church that one little girl fainted from the heat. Afterwards, thankful to be in the cool outside air, we walked back across the street to the school with the kids.

There is a little boy named Ruslan who caught our eye from our first visit to the orphanage. He is Sasha's best friend, and despite an early life of extreme deprivation, he exhibits a poise, intelligence, sweetness and responsibility that have amazed us. Mark had given him a little gift on Saturday, and when Mark saw him and Sasha playing with it on Sunday, Mark asked him if he liked it. He gave a big smile and nod and them eagerly whispered something in Sasha's ear. Sasha then turned to Mark and asked to call our translator, presumably to deliver Ruslan's message. After trying unsuccessfully to reach Luda on the phone, Mark asked Ruslan to write down what he wanted to say to him. He wrote a short sentence and gave it to Mark with a nervous smile and a gesture that it was a secret. As this was going on, another little boy was crying, the little girl who had fainted was still out of sorts, and the kids seemed more tired and somehow younger than usual and I couldn't help thinking how much they all need parents.

After we left the school, we tried to translate the sentence and only got the first part : I want nothing from you. We were very curious about the second part which had a crucial word that we couldn't decipher. Later in the day we went on a picnic to a lake with Sophie and her family and she translated the whole message for us : "I want nothing from you, I just want you to adopt me."

Oh my! The first answer is it's not possible right now as we've used up our SDA appointments. The second answer is we will go home, get adjusted and see. This tugs at our hearts as we are actually quite taken with this boy, too, but it's not simple. He is almost 13, has living parents who visit, several older siblings in their twenty's and one older sister who is almost 16. She seems to be a lovely girl and we would want to adopt them both if we adopted Ruslan. We have been considering it, but it is not wise to make promises you don't know for sure you can keep so we are handling this carefully. Our translator, Luda, will help us talk to them next week.

We had a quiet and pleasant visit with Sasha this morning. Like Mary Evelyn, he'd rather play than read or study, but we spend part of each visit working on developing English skills (he knows about 20 words) and reading things like Go Dog, Go! Sasha will have to do better with English than I have done with Ukrainian or we're in big trouble! Like me, he gets by with big smiles and gestures. Smiling and pointing is good for somethings, but not much. Oh well, the most important thing is he seems like a very emotionally healthy child and is certainly smart enough to pick up the language when he realizes he must.

The hotel is hosting a big, loud party right now. Wow. Maybe we should crash it?
I think we'll just have coffee and desert in our room tonight. We took a long walk earlier and picked up a little cake! yum! I love life in Kovel. The people can walk to everything they need, even to a loud, wild hotel party on a Monday night!

Court Date

2011-05-26T17:24:00.004-04:00

At noon today Mark and I entered the courtroom along with our translator, two witnesses, a representative from the orphanage and a local official. The first thing I noticed was the big cage where the accused would sit if it were a trial. Thankfully, we sat on a little bench outside the cage because we were just gathered to meet with the judge so he could grant our adoption petition. It was very simple and not scary at all.After a few procedural questions and a half hour break to deliberate, our petition was granted and Sayid became Andrew Alexander King! Everyone happily congratulated us and said they were glad that Sayid would have a family and a home.

There is a ten day waiting period (during which appeals could be made) until it becomes official on June 7th. On June 7, we travel to the town where Sasha was born to get his birth certificate and his Ukrainian passport. We should be able to get those documents and then pick him up from the orphanage by June 9th. Then we,'ll travel to Kiev to go to the American embassy for a quick medical exam for him and a visa so we can go home! Hopefully, we'll be home by about the 12th.

After our court appointment, we went to the school to see Sasha and tell him about it all. Thankfully, our translator, Luda, was still with us so she could explain it to him. He didn't have to apoear in court with us because they simply accepted the letter he wrote saying he wanted us to adopt him. Sasha looked a little nervous, but was really very happy. Luda also talked to him briefly about Mary Evelyn and told him that sometimes mommy cries because she misses Mary Evelyn, but that doesn't affect how we love him or how happy we are about him. We wanted him to be told that now while Luda was here and could answer any of his questions. He didn't have any.

After that, Luda needed to meet with the Director, who is very impressed with her, and we were left alone our new little son. He sat happily in Mark's lap and played games on the iPad. We had a short but happy visit today.

This evening, Mark and I went out for ice-cream. On our way back to the hotel, we walked by the church I wrote about in the last post. The same woman was there and she insisted we come into her house for tea and cookies. She must be the Matushka - the priest's wife. We sat and drank tea, ate cookies and tried really hard to understand what she was telling us for the next hour. We really had no idea most of the time because neither of us speak Ukrainian, but she was very kind, friendly and enthusiastic. We did a lot of smiling and nodding while she expressively tried to tell us things we had no clue about. I told Mark that we must have missed out on some great stories. Mark said that the way we felt was how Sasha will feel for the first weeks in America, like he's with kind, friendly people who seem to have nice things to say but he'll have no clue what we are saying. It was a good experience for us.

Our family is very excited about their new brother/ grandson/ nephew/cousin and it'll be lots of fun to bring him home and introduce him to everyone! Thanks for all your prayers.

Oil of Gladness

2011-05-23T14:33:00.007-04:00

Mark reminded me of the verse he wrote in the beginning days about sowing in sorrow and reaping with a shout of joy. I said there was joy, but didn't think the real shout of joy would happen for me until we're all together with Mary Evelyn. It feels like there is such a big part of my heart missing, I said I couldn't imagine a shout of joy even in these happy times. Mark disagreed and said I was wrong to not be more open to a joyful future. He reminded me that Mary Evelyn herself said she wanted people to be happy when they thought of her. We got into what we agreed was a rather ridiculous semantic argument about what constitutes a "shout" of joy vs just regular joy, and finally, tired of ourselves, decided to take a walk since it was late in the afternoon.

We had only walked a few blocks when we heard the sound of singing. It was coming from a nearby church. We were not dressed for church and were on our way to get coffee and tiramasu, so we just stood outside the gate and listened for a few minutes. A woman approached us and invited us inside. We showed that we'd like to but were not dressed appropriately. She said it didn't matter and led us in anyway. She got a scarf for me and then arranged it correctly on my head and motioned for Mark to come in, too. He was hanging towards the back so the "babushkas" (old women) wouldn't be scandalized by his shorts and t-shirt in church. But again she insisted and led him in with me to the center of the small but beautiful new church. The icons were particularly wonderful. It was the end of a versperal liturgy, so after a few more minutes we got anointed with oil, then the service was over. She gave us holy water to drink and asked us in Ukrainian where we were staying and how long we'd be here. She invited us to come back next Sunday. She was one of the friendliest people we've met so far on this journey and her kindness had a greater effect than she may have imagined.

Here is a photo:

We walked on our way to the restaurant feeling lighter of spirit. I told Mark that I actually felt happy. He said that the anointing oil is for healing, but it's also the oil of gladness. It certainly was for me as I felt more peaceful than I have in a long time. It truly seemed a divine intervention that we passed that way just then and were compelled to come and receive that anointing--a message to confirm that God has joy prepared for us.

After our tiramasu, we walked to the river which was lovely. Lots of families were enjoying the park, having picnics, fishing or just walking like we were. There were lots of dandelions in the fields, making it look like a "wish" paradise. Mary Evelyn, like most children, loved making wishes and would really like the way no one in Ukraine seems to think dandelions are weeds. They grow freely in yards and look pretty. We took this photo to show you that children are correct, dandelions are flowers:

When we got home, I checked my e-mail and was surprised to see that my friend Robert had e-mailed me a story about a woman whose family died and she didn't want to keep living. In the story, she grieves so heavily that she doesn't accomplish the tasks in life that God had for her and she dreams that she dies and the family members who she longed to see in heaven are surprised to see her and are sad for her because she came to heaven without doing what she was meant to do in this life. She realizes that Her deep grieving didn't honor them when it kept her from doing what she needed to do here.

Say amen or say ouch. Well, I know that grieving is part of my current experience. I also know the loss of a child is a lifetime loss and there will never be a time when I'll not feel that, but at the same time, while I'm alive I need to do what is in front of me to do and I should be open to the experience of joy.

Sasha certainly has no problem with joy even with the losses he's faced. Today, he was very happy eating chocolate frogs, playing frog checkers with me and being silly with Mark. It is amazing how happy the children are at the orphanage. They all have much to grieve, but they are playful and certainly joyous. Even the teenagers look happier than many more fortunate teenagers I've seen at home.

Here are a few shots from the playground today:

Sasha's group

2011-05-23T06:20:00.000-04:00

Here's our boy with his happy group. Can you see why we want all of them? The future American is in the green shirt.

Days and Nights

2011-05-21T03:48:00.003-04:00

During the day, Kovel is a lovely small town. We are staying in quiet, modern (for Ukraine) hotel near the center of town. We have a little suite which is clean and pleasant. During the quiet afternoon while Sasha is in school, we walk through the parks in the sunshine with the other residents, enjoying the spring sunshine and watching the happy children scamper and play. The houses in Kovel seem almost purposefully distressed because the way the colors have faded and chipped is so picturesque. There are nice stores and small churches along with restaurants and other businesses lining the quiet streets. Every now and then you pass a horse drawn wagon or see an ancient looking babushka, wearing a long sleeved dress, heavy shoes and wool stockings, and a head scarf tied under her chin while she naps in her cheery garden. I've noticed an old man selling home made brooms made out of bundles of sticks on the side of the road away from town on the highway. He sits sleepily next to his rickety bicycle and only has 3 or 4 brooms. It seems like an odd business plan to me, but there he sits, patiently waiting for a sale each day, looking like an image from another century.

At night, the mood changes and first we hear a big thumping techno party downstairs at our hotel which will go on into the wee hours. After the party ends, it seems like the ghosts come out. There are all kinds of strange noises outside. Sometimes it sounds like a man speaking into a megaphone followed by big bangs. The street dogs bark for so long I wonder how they keep up their enthusiasm for it. Car alarms go off and people yell to each other and the trains make noise in the distance.

I don't really think it's ghosts, but if a place were to be haunted, this town would be a likely candidate if only from the misery that went on here in the first half of the 20th century. First, the Russians came in and violently enforced communism and then the famine of 1932-33 caused many deaths. Less than 10 years later, the Nazis captured this area. As the Soviets retreated, they murdered and tortured priests, townspeople, even the local Abbot. Then the Nazis got control and decimated the Jewish population. They rounded up many Jews and made them wait to be executed in their own synagogue. Many of them wrote messages in pencil on the walls of the synagogue for their families and later someone copied those messages into a book. It's amazing that there were people left to rebuild, but there were and they did.

Kovel is situated on a lovely river. The orphanage is in a smaller town nearby and is on a quiet street with neat little houses and farms. We drive over each afternoon in a taxi. Sometimes we pass a farmer taking his three cows home. It looks funny because he's walking them home in the middle of the street. Beyond the orphanage, the farms turn into peaceful woods.

Today when we visited Sasha we got to see his whole group for a little while. They are all very sweet. I took a photo of him showing some of them our iPad. He was having fun showing the other kids what to do, but then left it to play soccer with Tato. We read a story in English, practiced color words (Ukrainian for us, which Sasha enjoys teaching us, and what a generous and patient teacher he is, and English for Sasha) and did a little math. In between, he played Q-Bert (also Tato's favorite!). It was another happy and relaxed visit.

Tonight we're listening to the techno-pop from the party downstairs, distant dogs barking and those loud bangs and odd yells. Tomorrow, it'll be another peaceful, sunny day in this lovely small town and another happy visit at the orphanage with our precious new son. With every visit we feel more endeared to him by his good, fun and sweet manner. How happy we are to see that he seems to be perfectly normal and healthy and, with each visit, more relaxed and happy with his mama and tato. It's good that after every scaryish night there seems to be a happier day.

BMOC (Big Man On Campus)

A lovely, quaint house near our hotel:

Our first days together

2011-05-18T12:52:00.002-04:00

We've been bad not to update in three days while all this goodness is going on--sorry about that! But in this case, it is true that no news is good news.

We're doing great. Things are moving along with an almost miraculous speed and smoothness. After the wonderful turn of events last Saturday, where we left off, we had another good visit on Sunday. In that visit, we asked Sasha to read to us. He ran to his room and came back with what he said was his favorite story. It was in a book of spiritual children's stories and was about a child who prayed for healing and was told to go with his parents to a particular church where he prayed before a miraculous icon and by God's power, he recovered. So precious that our little boy has such a tender and pious heart that this would be his favorite story. Our translator was very touched by it. She said his reading was about on a 7-year old level, which is understandable since he is nine and has only been in the orphanage learning for two years now.

Monday started with a trip to the orphanage with a regional official to get the official "yes" from Sasha. He had to compose a handwritten letter confirming his desire to be part of our family. A litlle cliff hanger again, but not too bad...just a few sober stares into the abyss of unknowing, then he focused and reconfirmed what he'd said on Saturday and began his letter. After getting his letter, we left and our coordinator/translator started in earnest driving all around getting paperwork done, and the orphanage took Sasha to another town to have blood drawn for HIV and other tests. We'd hoped to get to visit at the end of the day, but he didn't get back till late, so that was that.

Yesterday, by the end of the day our translator/coordinator had everything she needed to take back to Kiev in advance of our court hearing which she got scheduled for next Thursday, the 26th, at noon. It sometimes can take a couple of weeks to get done what we've done in three business days, but everyone really wants to help us. After getting quick and happy service from the regional office here, as we left we thanked them sincerely and one lady responded (in Slavic) "Bless the Lord!", to which we say Amen.

Before the day ended, our translator wanted us to return for a short visit with Sasha, especially to explain that she was leaving and that we'd be visiting him alone now for the next few weeks while we work on the adoption. She also explained to him about his new name. As we mentioned previously, he was given the name Sayid at birth. Our plan had been previously to keep whatever name the child had and make it their middle name, and give then a new first name. The name Sayid, an Arabic name chosen not because of any connection to an Arabic history but just because his mother had heard it in a movie, packs special baggage (maybe lined with plastic explosives?) that we don't think our boy needs to carry for the rest of his life. Also, we like his baptismal name of Alexander (whence the nickname Sasha), and the orphanage director asked us to keep this name, which we are glad to do. Our original plan had been to give him the new first name Andrew, so we're going to put it all together and the boy we bring home will henceforth be Andrew Alexander King. We plan eventually to call him Andrew, but for now we've dropped Sayid and are only calling him Sasha, which may always be a nickname at home--we'll see.

So when our translator told him about his new name, it seemed to be another big thing to absorb (maybe especially no longer being Sayid?) and we thought he seemed like he might cry again. Edna pulled out some M&M's for therapy and poured a pile into his sweaty little hand. Even in his emotional state, that sweet boy first took a few and handed them to me, then few to Edna and to Luda before eating any himself. Even though his runny nose and sweaty hand made them hygienically questionable, I happily took and ate my two.

So we're on our own now until next Thursday, when Luda, our translator, will come back to help us at court. Each day we will go out and visit with our boy for about 1.5 hours--not longer so that he can continue his school work. After court, we'll have another 10-day appeal period before the court's decision becomes effective. So that means on June 6th, he will be our son officially! After that, we get a new birth certificate with his new name, a new Ukrainian passport, and we head back to Kiev, where we'll get him a visa from the US Embassy and--finally, blessing God--COME HOME.

I'll leave you with a picture from today's visit, where we discovered that Sasha plays chess. I like chess, too, so I'm looking forward to lots more matches!

Day of Favor

2011-05-15T04:55:00.003-04:00

We are overwhelmed today by God's blessing. Yesterday brought an amazing turn of events that, in a way beyond our hopes, answered our prayer that we'd win the favor of the orphanage director. We were very nervous because, as we'd said, no child has ever been adopted out of this school, presumably because the director is against foreign adoption. Edna and I were gambling that it was based on his being devoutly Orthodox and didn't want to see his children going to non-Orthodox homes. Apparently, our gamble has paid out.

We began the day very happy to go see our boy again. We introduced him here by his legal name, Sayid, but found out yesterday that he was baptized when he came to the school and the director gave him the baptismal name of Alexander, the nickname for which is Sasha, so they call him by both names. We went to the school around 11:00. When Sasha met us, I was carrying two bags of toys and things and, again, without being asked, he helped me by taking one bag to carry to the playroom. We did some memory games which again confirmed he has normal intelligence (to us). I also showed him my iPad, which of course he loved. I had loaded several fun game apps which we played together. He and Edna had a lot of fun playing connect four, and he started to loosen up and be a little silly, taking Edna's hand on her turn and forcing her to make bad moves.

Meanwhile, our translator was doing some more research. Disturbingly, she reported that the assistant director had spoken to Sasha the night before and reported that he likes us, but said he wanted to stay in Ukraine. We assumed it must be that he was being manipulated, because he only seemed to want to be adopted when we spoke to him. We went outside and played for a while and someone came by and asked him if his father had come to play with him. He said no, just guests (which of course, is technically correct, but would have been a chance for him to identify me as his father, if he had chosen). So after that we left, feeling a little uneasy. We planned to come back at the end of the afternoon to go to Vespers with Sasha and his group.

At the end of the afternoon, we arrived back and went to the area of the school where Sasha's group lives. The assistant director showed us around and we were surrounded by the cutest group of 12 grinning girls and boys you've ever seen. One little boy named Michola stood in a doorway and looked up at me and, wanting to show off his English skills, said with conviction, "one hundred!" Charm factor off the charts. They were all so sweet, we said we wanted to take them all home, and we meant it! We walked over to the little church across he street surrounded by the children who were holding our hands and chatting with us, sometimes throwing in a random word of English.

During this walk over and in the church it was sweet to get to love on these children, to exchange little smiles and see how happy they were. There were about 40 children in the chapel and, while we couldn't understand the words, the familiar structure of the Vigil service ticked by. What good children--patiently standing with only a little fidgeting for the 1.5 hour service. About halfway through, unexpectedly, the director walked in, so he saw us praying with the children. At the end, along with the children, we went up and received anointing with oil and then returned to the school hand-in-hand with happy, chatty children.

When we got back to the school, the school nurse asked if we wanted to adopt a girl, too. There was a 15 year old girl how had been following us from a distance and smiling. Evidently, she hoped so much that we might adopt her that she sent the nurse to ask us. We told her yes, but we are looking for a younger girl, and are not even approved for over 12 at this point. Our hearts went out to that girl, though, especially Edna's.

Since he had seen that we were there in church, the director sent word that he wanted to meet with us right then (gulp!). We were glad, though, to get on with it and went a little later to his office and sat down. Body language and facial expression were not saying "something good is going to happen to you". First question, in a rather aggressive tone, "Why are you here, and what do you want?". We said we wanted to adopt, and specifically came to Ukraine to adopt an Orthodox child or children. We also told him about Mary Evelyn and that we have an empty home that we want to offer to kids who have no parents. With that, very slowly, things began to thaw. He motioned that his heart went out to us and said that his daughter had also died several years ago at the age of 15. Then he was back to business and lectured our translator at length, the details of which were not all translated, but the basic picture is that he sees himself not as a public servant, but as a father to these children--good part being that he obviously cares a great deal about these children, and it shows!

We complimented him several times about the school and how we can see the fruit of his loving labors in these children, all of whom appear to be happy, healthy, polite and devout. There truly can't be a better orphanage in this country. Downside to his devotion, for someone in our position, is that he obviously wants to protect "his" children from going into homes he wouldn't approve of (he didn't state this, but that's easily assumed). So the fact that we were devout Orthodox parents, and he had probably been able to observe our loving interaction with the children opened his heart, I believe.

So then we got a shock when he suddenly said he's not against foreign adoption, and that actually, it was Sasha who said no to the Italian family last year. He said he liked us and didn't want to see Sasha play games with us like he did with them, and asked if he could call him in and ask him to make a decision in front of everyone! So a few minutes later there was our boy, and the director asked him for an answer and told him he shouldn't change it like he did before. Poor boy looked terrified and just stared and thought. I went over to him and gave him a hug and kiss and told him not to be afraid. He started to cry. Our translator called him over and held him and spoke reassuring words. The director looked on kindly and encouraged Sasha to be honest and that he needed to look us in the eyes and tell us what he wants. Finally, though timidly and terrified, he got it out: "I want you to be my parents". Wow. He continued to look like the proverbial deer in the headlights for a little while, but as the Ukrainian adults chatted on about other things, our new little family had time to sit and soak in the new reality. I got out the camera and started showing him some pictures. He would point to Edna in this picture and whisper "mama", then one of me and say "tato". Then he saw one in our house and said "my room". Sweet! Then I thought of the video function on the camera we started taking videos of ourselves and the silliness broke out! We had come a long way from Friday morning!

The director got so happy and friendly that he walked us all the way our to our car, joking and smiling and several time shaking our hands and giving us his blessing and best wishes.

We're heading back to the orphanage this morning and are looking forward to another special day.

Good news--at last!!

2011-05-13T15:42:00.002-04:00

Friday the 13th--supposed to be bad luck, but will be remembered in our home as a day of great blessing, because today, God willing, we met our son.

We arose at 4:15 this morning and were on our way in the van with our translator and her husband 1/2 hour later. We drove about 5 hours towards the border of Poland. The countryside was very pretty with lots of pasture land, blooming tress such as lilacs, and truly picturesque villages. Ukraine must be growing on me, or maybe it's just the lovely spring, but it seems to be a more beautiful country each time we take a trip.

When we arrived in the region of the orphanage we had to pick up the permission forms before going to the orphanage. Usually the caseworker goes with us to the orphanage, but this time the regional director came along. He is a very kind man and spent the greater part of the day with us.

We drove down a country road, by a field being plowed by a horse, and passed a new church that is under construction. It's across the street from the orphanage. The orphanage is comprised of yellow brick buildings with a courtyard in the center and surrounded by neat gardens. When we went inside, I was impressed first by the cleanliness and then by the attractiveness of everything. The children we saw looked healthy and happy- Mark described them to his parents as rosy-checked and they were. We even got to eat a normal child's lunch in their cafeteria later and it was delicious: soup, vegetables, mashed potatoes, bread and a thick fruit drink.

The Director will be out of town until Monday, so we spoke to other people who were helpful. After hearing a little more background information, we met Sayid.

He's a really nice boy. His eyes are a grey-blue and his hair is light brown. He looks perfectly healthy, not even thin, and seems well adjusted emotionally. I'm a professional educator, I'm admittedly biased, but still I'm confident he has a perfectly normal IQ. He put together a Lego car that we gave him easily, Then we played a memory game with him he gave me hints- even though he was losing point by helping me. He doesn't add numbers well in his head, but both Thomas and Mary Evelyn had trouble with memorizing basic math facts.Sayid told us his favorite things are music and reading books. He has a good sense of humor, he cleans up after himself and he is thoughtful of others. Are ya jealous?

We gave a him a small bear shaped cake as a treat. Without us asking, he chose to share it with us. He carefully broke off gave me one arm, Mark at the other arm, our translator a leg and the Regional Director got the bear's head before that good boy even took one bite. The cake was small, so he was being very generous. His manners were always easy and thoughtful--the kind that only come from a sweet spirit within. It is remarkable considering the life of tragedy, abandonment and neglect that he lived until he came to the orphanage a couple years ago, the details of which we can't share here, but we already have heard enough to be amazed at the kind, open and happy boy we met today.

As he was playing with a pegboard he made a car. Then he said he would write a word. He wrote mama. He gave me a sweet, shy quick smile when he read it. Then he became thoughtful and said that he wants to visit his mother's grave someday. I thought if I get to adopt him, I'm going to try to make that happen. He said he had one more word to write. Our translator smiled and said "I bet I know what word", and he smiled and nodded as he spelled out "tato" which is Ukrainian for daddy. Mark got the sweet smile then. He told us in another conversation that he knew when we arrived that we were there to adopt him. He was very nervous when we first met him, but he relaxed as we spent time with him and he seemed happy.

At the end of the visit, the Regional Director asked if we had made a decision. Mark and I didn't need to speak privately, we both said yes. Sayid wants to be adopted but the Regional Director said Sayid can give his answer on Monday.

We'll visit tomorrow and show him photos of our family, home and pets. We'll need to tell him about Thomas and Mary Evelyn.

I feel at ease and peaceful about this. It's amazing considering how upset I was the other times. I had been thinking since the last group that I was expecting something unrealistic and that it really shouldn't matter which child we adopt- they all need homes- but Sayid seems to be just the right fit for us and if he truly was wanting an Orthodox home, then we may be an answer to his prayers.

On Monday we'll meet the Orphanage Director. The school is so nice and well run that I already respect him. He must do a wonderful job and he has the reputation of being very loving and devout. I hope everything goes smoothly for us and for little Sayid.

We'll see our boy again tomorrow and I'll post photos afterwards.

2011-05-12T06:20:00.000-04:00

Sayid--our future son?

So, as it stands at this moment (words carefully chosen because stories, situations and laws change continually here, it seems), we are now planning to go see a boy named Sayid tomorrow--so it will be Sayid or no one that we bring home. He is 9 years old and has no siblings and, officially, no family (but more on that on a moment). Here is the lad's picture:

This was the final result of our tumultuous third appointment. As we've explained, this was high-stakes because this is our last chance. After a long and tedious two-week wait for this appointment, we had earnestly hoped that some new good 2-member sibling groups were going to come on to the database. No such luck. Only the kids who were already there before: two 11-year olds which were older than we wanted, a 7 and 8 year old pair who have turned down three other couples in the past and who are frequently visited by their grandfather, a number of single kids and pairs with major health problems, etc. We were just about to decide to go for the younger sibling pair, likely to be refused by them, too, when the official pulled out Sayid's picture and explained that he is a devout Orthodox boy who was visited only once before, last year, by an Italian family, and he was going to go with them, but changed his mind because he wanted Orthodox parents, based on his priest's advice. They also said that his mother died a few years ago and he has no father and no siblings, and no one has visited him in the orphanage. He is, by all accounts a good and obedient boy who goes to church of his own choice. We were both moved to tears at his story and felt this was the boy for us--sounded like we were the answer to his prayers--almost a miracle given almost no foreigners seeking to adopt him would be Orthodox. The biggest concern, from the information in his file was some kind of cognitive issue, but it wasn't mental retardation. Weighing it all out after our appointment, we said he was our choice.

We could see right away that our translators were uncomfortable with this choice, and still haven't been able to understand why, exactly. Our best guess is that it's because they've never dealt with this region and that makes them nervous. Over the ensuing hours, the stories have gotten crazier and crazier, trying to get us to change our minds. They've spoken to various people in the region and to the translator of the Italian couple who went last year, and have told us that the boy doesn't do so well in school, so they assume he has a low IQ, that he is actually a gypsy based on someone showing up at the school last year claiming to be his father, who appeared to be a gypsy, then later this theme was expanded to say that he had many gypsy relatives who were coming to the school, at least one of whom was threatening the school with a knife if they let the boy be adopted, so the director is afraid for his safety if he lets the boy be adopted.

Having still not dissuaded us, this morning we were told that the boy was not even Orthodox, but that he goes to some kind of sect with which the director seemed to be involved, that he wants to keeps all the kids in the school for that reason, and that no child has ever been adopted out of this schoothat someone told her that the previous couple that tried to adopt was grilled for hours in his office on religious questions and that all women were forced to wear skirts and head coverings while in the school and that cell phones were not permitted. These are just the high points in the insanities we've been told.

We began to feel beat down again and considered just coming home, but after so much crazy and conflicting information, we didn't know what to believe and it seemed the only way to find out was to go and see for ourselves. We decided that, before making our decision (again), we'd request a clear answer at least on the question of whether he was Orthodox. If so, then it may indeed be that the original story that touched us might be true and it would be worth trying. Our translator called and at least that one bit of misinformation was laid to rest: the boy is an Orthodox Christian and attends a church of the Moscow patriarchate--mainstream, vanilla Orthodoxy and by no means a sect. So how much more was just lies and distortions to dissuade us (whoever it may have come from)? We shall see for ourselves.

It may be true that the director will do all he can to prevent us from adopting, and it may also be true that the boy has a low IQ. It may even be true that he has gypsy relatives--but that's a pretty hard one to imagine looking at the picture. BUT, it may just as well be that the director, himself a devout Orthodox Christian, will be delighted for this boy to have an Orthodox home, even if he has resisted letting him go with others. And it may be that there is nothing wrong with the boy, whatsoever, and the crazier the stories have gotten, the more I suspect that may be the case. At this point, we have NO expectations, other than to expect the unexpected, and we are ready, if it is God's will, to be the answer to a little devout Orthodox boy's prayers for parents who share his faith. Otherwise we come home. God's will be done.

Written by Mark

2011-05-10T06:54:00.001-04:00

We went with our American friends to an outdoor folk museum just outside Kiev yesterday. Monday was a holiday here, as in most former Soviet countries, celebrating victory day- apparently the day the nazis were crushed by the might of the communists. Lots of people were off from work and the weather was lovely so there were lots of Ukrainians at the outdoor museum.

It was about 200-300 acres of rolling hills and woods with little villages placed here and there. The villages consisted of old houses and other buildings, mostly from the 1800's, which were taken apart, transported here and rebuilt. They showed what life was like before collectivism in the various regions of Ukraine. We hired an English speaking guide who was wearing a mesh shirt and seemed to miss the soviets. I was very quiet at first and he asked me in Ukrainian if I were an American because he thought I was a local. Well, after a month it's getting that way. Ivan was pretty scattered in the way he described things and it would have been more confusing except he repeated a lot of the same lines from village to village such as " this windmill is easily recognizable as being Ukrainian because it is wooden and has a round shape not like those of...." He added a lot of humor, unintentionally.

After he left us, we had lunch/dinner at an outdoor restaurant in the park. Meals require much more patience than at home. We were so happy, after about 15 minutes of waiting to be given menus and then another 10 or so of trying to decipher the Cyrillic writing and Ukrainian words on the menus to be offered English menus. We all wanted shish-ka-bobs and we found them, sort of, on the menu. After another wait, the food came and luckily most of it came at once (often one of our meals comes way before the other so you just stay flexible and plan on being there a while) and the meat was very good. I was happy that it had been identified as pork on the menu. After seeing grilled horse meat on a menu I'm nervous when it just says "meat". I think the horse meat is unusual here (it was an Italian restaurant ) and that when the menu says "meat" it probably means pork as that is the most usual meat.

As we finished eating and enjoying the Ukrainian beer (which is cheaper than ordering water), a troubadour group came in and started to entertain us. There was a man on an accordion and two women singing with great gusto. People around us started singing along. Very fun!

After lunch we walked over to the other part of the outdoor museum which shows life after collectivism. In the 1930's the old villages were mostly destroyed and all the farms were turned into collectives. At first, about a million people starved and then they managed to make a go of it somehow. This part seemed to be intended to show how nice the modern, soviet villages were in comparison to the old ramshackle peasant villages. Suddenly there were nice little houses with pretty windows and neat little gardens. Oh, the wonderful pleasures of country life under the communists! I noticed two things: almost none of the locals visited this part and it looked nothing like the reality of miles and miles of poverty stricken farm villages I've seen in my travels here. It made me disgusted.

We took a bus and the metro home and had a quiet evening back in our apartment. It was a beautiful evening and I went by myself to the little gastronome (deli) to purchase a few things and they didn't care that I didn't have correct change. Usually you get disgusted looks and sometimes even a deep sigh from store clerks if you give them bigger bills (like a 20 when you need to pay 14) or don't have the right coins. I decided that they think I moved here, so they might as well be nice.

I know you are wondering about whatever happened regarding the t-shirt that I needed to return. It turned out to be very easy. Someone spoke a little English and it was not an adventure at all. You can't predict adventure, it just comes your way on its own.

Today we hope to get some previews of available kids. We'll update later and hope it will be good news.

Here is a nice view of the windmills:

Inside an old Ukrainian house:

Troubadours:

Old houses:

A nice example of a rural and really lived in Ukrainian house:

A fictional soviet style house:

Seen on a car in downtown Kiev today:

Hope Deferred

2011-05-09T05:06:00.001-04:00

"Hope deferred maketh the heart sick, but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life" Proverbs 13:12

How well this little verse sums it up for us: A month of deferred hope has left us heartsick, but, God willing, two days from now we will see our hopes starting to be fulfilled and it will indeed be a new tree of life. We know that our translators are doing everything possible to find the right children for us, but it is clearly something that will have to be a gift from God--the right children, even at this point as yet unidentified, showing up and being available for us at 3:00 on Wednesday. God grant it.

"And it will be said in that day, 'Behold, this is our God, for whom we have waited that He might save us. This is the Lord for whom we have waited; let us rejoice and be glad in His salvation.' ". Isaiah 25:9

It is a beautiful day here and we are going to take a long hike in the countryside with one of the couples we've met here, who have been such a delight and refreshment to us. They were a gift at the right time, for sure!

Mark

Two more Days

Sunday morning we got up and went to church at St. Michae's. It was funny that we've been here long enough that we've simply picked a church to attend regularly. Neither of us said, let's go here or there, we just walked over to the church.

After the service we walked to Independence Square and in one of the underground street crossing malls Mark bought me a beautiful bouquet of flowers: purple iris and white tulips. They have a lovely scent and it was very sweet of him.

Later in the day as we walked down the street, a Ukrainian man asked if he could speak English with us. He was a Jehovah's witness and was surpsised that we were Orthodox. After a few minutes talking with Mark he was glad to give up on us.

This could have been a tough Mother's Day for me, but it was fine. I had a sweet dream in which Andy Stanley (pastor of North Point) told me that Mary Evelyn lives on and that because of our special love she'll always be with me in my heart. I am not putting a lot of faith in dreams, and will admit that there were also mermen in the dream, but I still woke up with a warm cozy feeling that lasted all day.

I also got to talk to Thomas yesterday and that was very sweet. He and Jessica were celebrating with Mark's family and I was so happy to think of them all there together. I feel very blessed as a mom and I know I have a lot to be grateful for.

In the meantime there are other pressing challeges such as returning a t-shirt that didn't fit me. I bought 3 itmes at 25% off and want to return only 1 so I keep the 25% off and get a store credit instead of money back because I paid with a credit card. I can't speak a word to the store clerks so it'll be fun to try to explain all that.

Today is a special holiday here celebrating victory in WW II. There are parades, tourists and most peope don't have to work. In the photograph below you can see the barricades to keep people out of the street.

It's been hard to wait, but each day has had it's joys. I loved what Mark wrote this morning and only wanted to add the fluffy details of our adventures here.

By Edna

Rainy Days

2011-05-06T04:45:00.002-04:00

It's cold and rainy today and that adds to the discouragement we feel. So far, there are no good matches for us for next week. We are approved for 1,2 or3 healthy children ages 6-10 and there are very few available. We thought we could add on special needs to increase our possibilities, but that would take many more weeks and our appointment is next week so it's not possible. We can possibly adopt older kids, up to age 12, but that is another kind of challenge and sometimes the kids don't want to be adopted when they are older. The first group of three redheads are being adopted by a family from Italy. I don't know what has happened with the second group we visited, but they were not a good fit for us.

We may have messed it up by not following through with the first redheaded kids but now the situation is in God's hands and we must move forward without pointless regrets. We have five more days of waiting until our appointment. At our appointment we will either pick one last group or child to visit, or if there is no match, we'll plan to come home.

We are grateful for everyone's prayers and help. Redcat is getting spoiled between Savannah's visits and Cindy slipping him bacon on the side. Hope is enjoying a long doggie playdate both at Uncle Ray's and at the Creighton's. Our translators here are very kind and helpful. They even helped me get my hair cut and colored. I was a little apprehensive because the mullet appears to be popular and many women have various shades of comic-book red hair, but I needed some freshening up and they both have pretty hair so we asked them to recommend a salon. Svetta took us to her salon and translated what I wanted. They said, " we do it differently in Ukraine" and I thought oh! But I trusted them and my hair looks great! We have enjoyed getting to know our translators and also other parents who are adopting. The friends we've made here, the kindness of everyone back home and the opportunity to spend time praying at the local churches have all been great blessings, but the stress of the experience has been tough.

Last night we watched something on Netflix about Stress. It said that mothers who care for chronically ill children age 6years for every year their child is ill. No wonder I needed to get my hair done, I must be an old hag by now according to them! I think they are exaggerating and maybe it's different with each mom. Both times Mary Evelyn was ill there was a lot of stress, but we tried to find joy everywhere it was hiding. I remember how my heart just ached last year and the fear and sadness about losing her was a daily experience, but I giggled with her every day too. Now it's a different sadness, a sadness about loss and my loneliness from missing her. I guess my grief is more selfish and although I need to walk through it and I'll always miss my girl, I don't want to be trapped in grief forever. The stress of not having a match is hard in its own way by causing another worry, possibly a new loss and another grief.

This rainy spring weather is not keeping me at the apartment today. I'm determined to go shopping. I need a spare sweater. I've worn my black sweater almost every day since we arrived and it's no longer my favorite. Taking a walk, even in the rain, stopping in at a cafe, checking out wild eyed conspiracy theories about Bin Laden (apparently he's been frozen for years and was thawed just to provide Obama a poll bump) and reading will help us have a good day. It is a blessing to be together anyway.

Maybe we'll have some surprising new adventure or get some great news soon!

Enjoying the Little Things

2011-05-03T14:13:00.003-04:00

We wandered in the misty morning looking for an open cafe for breakfast. Today was another May Day holiday so most places were opening late. We hiked way across town to the park with the best vending machine lattes. It's hard to get a regular cup of coffee here. They serve very small lattes and no one comes around asking you if you'd like a refill. Portions tend to be smaller here too and one side benefit has been losing weight between the smaller meals and all the walking. This morning's walk was pleasant in the cool air and quiet streets. We noticed a greater police presence and wondered if that was due to the holiday, BinLaden or both.

The day was a quiet one of laundry and reading. Mark studied Russian and I read Orthodoxy by G. K. Chesterton until my head started spinning and I switched to Parenting your Internationally Adopted Child which my friend recommended.

We met a group of parents for dinner at another cafeteria restaurant and had a nice meal and great company. Getting to know other parents is a great blessing and has encouraged me a lot. I'm not freaking out like I was before.

On the way home, while crossing the main street through the underground passageway, we stopped by an shoe store and I got a pair of black flats. Then we went to McDonald's and I got a coke. I was thrilled when Mark handed it to me and it had ICE! It was one of the best cokes of my life.

As we walked back close to our apartment I was lightheartedly telling Mark how happy I was to have my shoes, my coke with ice and to be in this beautiful city. Minutes later that peace was diminished by the sound of a man yelling in an angry, wordless animalistic way. He was roaring loudly and sounded crazy. Seriously, we never heard anything like this before in all the hours we've walked around Kiev until yesterday and today. It was creepy but once again, everyone around us just ignored it and we're fine. There's always a strange element somewhere in a big city.

I'm glad to be back at the apartment, finishing up my delicious coke, getting the laundry going again and preparing to watch a movie with Mark.

Thanks so much for your faithful prayers. God is so gracious to us and is providing for our needs. It'll be wonderful to see what is next.

I don't know how to turn the photos around on the iPad yet but at least I can post them! Here is evidence of my icy coke:

And here is Mark about to enjoy his vending machine machiatto:

Learning to Wait

2011-05-02T14:52:00.002-04:00

Our third appointment with the SDA has now been scheduled for next Wednesday, the 11th, at 3:00, so, as eхpected, we have some waiting to do. We are filling these days of waiting with reading, sightseeing, relaxing (as best we can) and visiting with other couples in the same process, who have been a great encouragement to us. As we have learned more about this beautiful country and its amazing history, Mark and I feel humbled and honored to have the opportunity to adopt Ukrainian children.

Today we went back to the Lavra (churches and caves of monks founded 1,000 years ago). After getting off the metro, we walked through the same parks as the last time but this time instead of being cold and wet, we enjoyed seeing the lovely blooming trees and tulips as we were warmed by the soft sunshine.

The lovely weather and casual schedule we have inspired us to explore more and we discovered a strange looking museum underneath the ground. It had a sculpture above ground that looked like little bars of something under a sharp fence. The sculpture may have been representing locking up grain because it was the museum of the Ukrainian Famine of 1932-1933 called Holodomor or the hunger that kills. This famine was caused by communists who after shooting or imprisoning the priests and educated classes in 1930, forced the small family owned farms to collectivize and then gave them unreachable quotas of grain. The farms were not able to produce the amount of grain that some bureaucrat or perhaps Stalin himself wanted so the communists punished the people by taking away all of the grain the farms grew, even produce from their little vegetable gardens was taken. Eating food from your garden was a crime punishable by shooting.

The people starved and some even resorted to cannibalism after eating dogs and cats. They tried to reach out for help from the rest of the world, but nothing was done to help them. The Soviets denied the famine (and continued to deny it until 1987) and no other country intervened. Millions starved in those two years. The Ukrainians believe that it was a deliberate attack on them by the Soviets so they would be too weakened to rebel or break free from the communists.

Learning of the struggles of a nation against communism on the day that our country is celebrating the death of our Osama bin Laden is a reminder that evil is real and walks among us. It's behind the fanatical and egotistical beliefs of people who say they want to help the common man but really seek power for themselves and cause terrible suffering and death for innocent people.

Hope was a few minutes further down the path at the Lavra. This quiet monastery with its beautiful churches, blooming gardens, ancient graves of monks and active seminary stands as a reminder that even when evil seems to win for a time, God is with us and He has conquered death. The Ukrainian people have rebuilt their beautiful churches and monasteries and their faith seems to be an integral part of the national identity. The ghosts of the communists must be tormented at the sight of this free people who are rebuilding their nation and their churches. Today was a holiday and the Lavra was crowed with people enjoying the spring day while visiting an ancient holy site.

Everyone was enjoying the day at the Lavra except a young woman who was screaming. She looked like an ordinary woman and even had a purse, but she was screaming and thrashing her arms as she walked. It looked like one might imagine demon possession to look. Pretty creepy, but there were so many priests around I guess someone would know what to do. Everyone just let her be and she walked past us, screaming in ugly tones. I don't know what happened after that.

As we walked back to the Metro, we had ice cream cones and were surprised by tanginess until we realized that instead of vanilla and chocolate soft serve, it was lemon and chocolate. It was better than it sounds and surprises like that make the waiting more fun. We are planning restful, interesting days as we count them down until our real adventure begins again.

2011-04-29T02:54:00.000-04:00

Last night I had a dream about eating apple pie with Mary Evelyn. It was delicious and we ate slivers of it with our fingers without making a mess or getting sticky fingers.

Mark and I moved to the least attractive apartment so far. After moving in, we went to the Golden Gate park across the street and had Belgian Waffles from a street vendor. My waffle came with caramel and Mark ordered chocolate on his. I held them both while he paid and the chocolate dripped on my clothes and into my open purse but I didn't notice it at first. By the time I discovered it, it was not like my dream - I was a sticky mess. I went back to the apartment to clean up and saw that the knobs were off the washing machine so i wasn't sure of the water temperature or the spin cycle. After a few false starts and odd noises I got it to work.

After I rejoined Mark, we strolled in the warm spring sunshine to another park where we found a bench in dappled shade to read. I re-read Wuthering Heights on my kindle. Part of the story is about man who does not accept the death of the woman he loves to the point of becoming mad in the colorful way only a gothic character out on a moor in the early 1800's would go mad. He sees her ghost everywhere and wanders around in the moonlight muttering to himself. Another character does accept the death of the woman he loves (of course it's the same woman) and he chooses to trust God. He doesn't go mad, just becomes stronger, kinder and wiser. Then, he dies young and the mad guy gets all his money and control of his daughter. I'd forgotten all that when I picked it out, I chose it because I couldn't resist the word "wuthering".

We had lunch at a Ukrainian style restaurant in the park called O'Panos which had a special deal: salad, soup, main course and a drink for $6! It was very delicious. Mark's drink was a Ukrainian specialty called kvas which is like a beer flavored soft drink. It's not like root beer, it's more like warmish beer with bubbles. I was grateful for my Hawaian Punch type drink. The tricky part about drinks here is that they are not very cold and there's no ice. It makes sense that there's no ice because they'd have to freeze bottled water to make it because the tap water is not usually drinkable. The food was all very good and the restaurant was pretty. It had a thatched roof, a waterwheel and simple, colorful stencils painted on the white washed walls.

Back at the apartment, I discovered that in order to reach the clothesline, I need to climb up on a very old ladder. This apartment is odd. There are no drinking glasses to use, but there are several sets of decorative teapots. The rooms are sort of wedge shaped and narrow with high ceilings which combine to give me an unsettled feeling of being pulled to the inside wall. There's a small, creepy, unreachable door in the wall up above the hallway. I don't want to know what is behind it and am already afraid of nightmares about it.

We have an appointment today at the SDA to request our third referral appointment. It's just a formality and we won't hear about any possible kids. We just wait and try not to worry.

Thankfully tonight we'll have dinner with the other parents we met so that gives us something to look forward to day.

We saw on the news about the destructive storms and tornadoes back home. It looked scary. I hope things are better there.

A view of another part of the city:

The creepy door:

Can you guess what the sign above the store says?

It says: Brrr

2011-04-27T16:06:00.002-04:00

Chuck Taylors

We're still in Kiev and it's likely we'll have to wait until May 10th for our next referral appointment because the offices will be mostly closed until then due to various holidays. There'll also be no more new kids on the data bases until then and there wasn't a match today. We thought of coming home to wait, but after considering the expense of the flights and the possible but very small chance that the first group we considered might come available again between now and May 10th (in which case, we've decided, we'd want to take them) we decided to stay here.

Mark and I were walking towards the cafeteria restaurant for dinner tonight when a woman asked if we were Americans. She'd noticed my converse (Chuck Taylor) sneakers and guessed our nationality. She and her husband are also here to adopt and they kindly invited us to join them and two other adoptive couples for dinner. It was so wonderful to laugh, share stories and make new friends.

It's hard to wait, but it's worth it for the children we'll take home.

2011-04-24T13:54:00.001-04:00

We arrived back in Kiev, got our refusal paperwork notarized again, submitted it again to the SDA to request our third appointment and settled into a small apartment for another wait of several days. We've spent so much time in Kiev that I've started recognizing the stray dogs who happily roam the streets. At least we know where to get groceries ( there are little deli type stores on most streets along with the fruit stands and a bigger grocery store that we can walk to), we have a choice of churches, familiar restaurants, and lovely parks. It's good that those things are not problems.

We've been attending services at St. Michael's which has a seminary and a monastery. The services are beautiful and it's inspiring to see many young people among the congregation and the clergy. We arrived at 11:00, before the Paschal Matins, and stayed until the end of liturgy when the priests were about to bless the Pascha(Easter) baskets. The service was beautiful and we recognized at least two hymns that are also sung by our choir at St. John's. One of the loveliest parts was tHe enthusiastic bells ringing. The bells rang for at least twenty minutes at different times. As we walked home at 4 am, we could hear the bells and we passed people on the street carrying their baskets.

Most Orthodox people fast from meat and dairy during Lent so the Pasha Baskets here have meat, cheese, boiled eggs, a candle and a sweet, iced bread/cake called Pascha Cake which are sold everywhere in the days leading up to Pascha. The baskets are covered with a pretty towel and brought to church to be blessed. It's a lovely tradition. We didn't buy a basket, but we did get a Pascha cake from a bakery and once we got home from church we enjoyed our cheese, salami, bread and Pascha Cake.

We are waiting for news on Tuesday or Wednesday. We want to have kids picked out before the next appointment and would rather wait longer and have the right kids than go in blind again. We are optimistic that this can work and our translator and facilitator are determined that it will. In 12 years they've never had a family go home without kids because the family didn't find a match. I think they've only had 1-2 families who've needed 3rd appointments, but those 3rd appointments worked. If there are no children coming available on Wednesday that we want to take our last appointment to see, we have to wait until May 10th (!) before the next group of children become available. If that is the case, we may just come home for a break, rather than sitting on our hands in Kiev for two more weeks after the last three weeks spent seemingly spinning wheels. REALLY hoping not to be in that situation, but it is now critically important that we know, as much as possible, that we have the right kids picked out before we go in, however long that takes.

Today we walked to the Botanical Gardens, which is a nice park across the street from St. Vlad's. The church bells were ringing vigorously several times in the afternoon. Each time it lasted about 20 minutes. The bells create a feeling that the whole city is rejoicing in Christ's resurrection. Pascha reminds us that Christ has destroyed death by death, so ultimately the heartaches and separations of this world are not what lasts they are the veil of tears that we each pass through.

We know that after reading Mary Evelyn's blog for so long it is probably hard to journey with us again. It's been hard to live it and to stay hopeful. I (Edna) have had a hard time here dealing with the grief, disappointments, stress, cold, uncertainty, scary small really old elevators and so on. Mark has had to pick me up from various emotional puddles. Hopefully we'll be posting a happy ending soon and then the delays, false starts, heartaches, and investment will be small compared to the joy we'll have for the rest of our lives.
Waiting to get baskets blessed at 4 am:

The bells of St. Vlad's:

Strike Two -- from Mark

2011-04-21T15:51:00.001-04:00

Unfortunately, today was not the first day of the rest of our lives. After meeting with the second group of children for the morning and then going back for the afternoon, we didn't feel like these kids were a match for us for a variety of reasons. So tomorrow, with diminished hopes, we're on our way back to Kiev again, to start all over. We'll be asking for a third appointment at the central office for adoptions where we'll pick our third (and final) potential adoptive child/ren to go visit. That we find ourselves in this situation is a real surprise and disappointment to us. Reading all the many adoption blogs out there, it just never runs this way, it seems.

So what's the problem?

First, most people come here with plans to adopt specific children versus coming "blind"', i.e. not knowing what child they might chance upon when they have their appointment. Our caseworker back home had told us we mustn't come blind, and she had targeted two kids for us, which we were coming to adopt, but just a few days before our departure, we were told those kids were gone, and no others were found to arrange our appointment to coincide with. So we have just been taking shots in the dark.

Second, there are not that many healthy children to choose from. Another huge surprise to us, the orphan problem--at least for healthy children-- has largely been solved in this country, which is, of course great for the kids, but bad for us at the moment. Both orphanages we visited used to hold three times the number of kids who are there now. And of course, those who remain tend to be the tougher cases. For example, they have not been able to find any 2-member healthy sibling group to offer us. So many of the blogs telling easy adoption stories are, honestly, from an easier time.

Third, we are dealing with our grief, of course, which makes it hard to be sure where our hesitancy comes from in meeting these kids. Is it really because these kids aren't right for us, or would we feel this way about any kids for now? If so, should we push ourselves more to make it work while we have the opportunity? We both think so, but it's hard to know if the hesitancy you're pushing against is because of your grief or because you really don't fundamentally connect with this child. Personally, I (Mark) still believe it can work with the right kids. I began to connect with the first child we met and I have carried him in my heart since then, and I wish in hindsight that we'd gone on to meet his siblings. That experience confirmed for me, though, that my heart is ready to love a new child, but we're just having trouble getting me, Edna, and child all together on the same emotional page at the same time! Edna is having a much tougher time of it, emotionally, but she, too, wants it to work, and I believe it can for her, too, with the right child.

So please continue to keep us in your prayers, crazy as we are. We so hope to soon share some good news with everyone, as we know you all, in your love and good wishes for us, so much want to hear. With Pascha (Easter) this weekend, nothing more will happen until Tuesday, when our request for a third appointment will be submitted. I pray God blesses us with success--last chance.

2011-04-20T14:30:00.001-04:00

The Empty Chair

I was crying in the French cafe today. I've been crying a lot from all the stress of uncertainties, the grief of missing Mary Evelyn, facing my own weaknesses and sheer exhaustion. This afternoon I was crying because there was an empty chair at our little table and I wished Mary Evelyn was sitting in it. I ached with missing her sweet self.

Mark persuaded me to tell him why I was crying and although I felt foolish, I told him the truth. He said that we have a choice. We can go through the rest of our lives with that empty chair, with nothing but our grief and memories, or we can fill up that chair and build our lives again. It's hard to let go of the familiar pain, of this time of mourning, because it is a way of keeping Mary Evelyn closer in a way by keeping her chair empty at our table.

There are three children who also have empty chairs. They are at their table with no mommy or daddy and we could invite them to come sit with us. We can try to help them deal with their losses and and bring them love and joy. We can give them a home in place of their orphanage.

Tomorrow we travel four hours south of Kiev to meet three new children. The oldest girl is 10, the boy is 9 and the littlest girl just turned 6. Everyone has said they are very sweet, loving and happy. We are hoping to form a bond with them and bring them home. We plan to stay in their village for the next few days along with our sweet translator. We'll play with the kids each day and take the time to get to know them.

We hope to keep our hearts open and also hope there is no fainting this time!

We hope to fill our chairs and and honor Mary Evelyn's request to be happy and not sad, but still expect that of course the grieving will continue and that tomorrow will bring fresh crying. I hope and pray that God will give me the grace to see beyond the grief and loss I feel, which is accentuated by opening up to new children, and to see the need of these little ones and the joy that they will bring all of us.

Appointment tomorrow

2011-04-18T16:12:00.002-04:00

Saturday morning I woke up feeling better.I had a dream about meeting a Bishop who was very kind to us. He told Mark and me not to worry. He said that God was aware of us and that he, the Bishop, would find the children for us. I woke up feeling lighter of heart. I know it's likely I dreamt about the Bishop simply because we've been to so many churches, but if nothing else the dream was a timely reminder to trust in God.

Saturday was also sunny and warmer outside which was a nice change. We walked several blocks to visit another historic church- St. Vladimir's. It may be the most beautiful so far, partly because it was all built in the 1800's and the icons and decorative painting inside was done by a team of artists over a period of about 20 years so it had a unified look. The relics of St. Barbara are there, along with other saints including St. Vladimir and many beautiful icons.

We saw that preparations were being made for something special. There was a carpet rolled partway put and a small crowd of people waiting expectantly.the chanting began and alter boys, deacons and several priests came out of the altar and waited on the carpet for several minutes until the Ukrainian Patriarch, Filaret, entered on the carpet which was rolled out for him right before he walked in. Mark and I were standing by the relics of St. Vlad which are in a highly decorated gold coffin. Patriarch Filaret came within a few feet of us and prayed by the relics before going farther into the church.

The service was the vigil for Palm Sunday. Although the whole service was in Ukrainian, we pretty much knew what was going on. About two hours into the service, the Patriarch and several priests and deacons came out and stood in the center of the church which was partitioned to keep the crowd out although we were just a few feet away. The patriarch used a big brush to generously douse everyone with holy water as we held up our pussy willow bundles. It was a lovely sight to be in that beautiful church with many Ukrainians from all walks of life holding up the pretty branches as the sun streamed through the high windows.

We left about 3 hours into the service after the priests anointed us with oil. Many people were coming and going throughout the service which made sense from the standpoint that by having people coming and going, more people were able to attend at least part of the long service.

Sunday morning we went back to St. Vlad's for the liturgy and it was very crowded. People were lined up outside to get their pussy willows blessed by priests who came outside of the church. The inside of the church was densely packed with people and some people were continuously moving through the crowd. Some were going to confession and others buying candles and other things. Once again many people did not stay for the whole service which allowed other people to get to come inside. Early in the service, an elegant woman in white accompanied by many bodyguards and photographers came in to pray. She walked by a few feet away from us. Later we found out that she was Julia Tymoshenko and had been the Prime Minister of Ukraine. Otherwise, the people in the church were from all walks of life and it's clearly not just babushkas keeping the faith here.

Sunday evening we went to the ballet at the Opera House. It is a treat to be in such a beautiful venue for a ballet especially when the tickets were under $10.

Monday morning was warmer and perfectly sunny. I teased Mark that the weather improved once he bought a coat ( we found the reasonable stores)! We walked for hours throughout Kyiv today and got a little lost looking for the Chernobyl Museum. We found it and it was well worth the walk. The presentation was both artistic and down to earth and had elements of hope in God's care shown throughout the exhibits. As much as i liked the museum, the topics ( death, destruction, radiation, children with cancer) were tough and I cried a lot. I told Mark I'm about done with crying. We walked home by the direct route which was much shorter and then attended part of a service at St. Michael's. The prayer of St. Ephraim did not need translating and this service, attended by only a few people while we were there, was again beautiful but more comforting than the big crowded ones. I started feeling more secure again in God's care.

Today we had an appointment at the Cental office for adoption (SDA) to sign for our appointment tomorrow. We do not know many specifics yet, but are hopeful and expectant that tomorrow will finally be the day that we see and settle on "our" kids. Please continue to pray for us as we make one of the most important decisions of our lives! We are trusting God that we will know what to do. The high stakes have me in quite a state-- I'm fine and then Mark will say something that he means to be hopeful but I get worried or suddenly miss my dovelet too much and just start crying again. Mark is patient man.

It has turned out that the government office for adoptions will be temporarily closed down as of June so we did get in under the wire. They expect that they'll start back up in a few months, but it's not at all clear. Last time they stopped adoptions it was over year before they resumed, our translators told us.

Please pray for us to be wise, and that we'll be in clear agreement at each step, and that we'll have hearts ready with fatherly and motherly love to meet our precious new children.

Here are photos of church on Sunday:

http://www.tymoshenko.ua/en/article/yulia_tymoshenko_

And here am I outside the church with my pussy willows on Saturday

2011-04-15T16:53:00.001-04:00

Cathedrals

We visited Saint Sophia Cathedral today which is right behind our It
was modeled after the Hagia Sophia in Turkey and built in the year
1034 to replace the first church ever built in Ukraine which was about
100 years old then. There are original Byzantine mosaic icons from
that time period along with frescoes from the 1700's. It is very
beautiful. When the communists came, they destroyed some of the icons
before turning into a museum. It seems terrible that it is a museum,
but that is how it was saved from complete destruction. It is still a
museum because they can't agree on whose church it would be, but is
occasionally used for services by both the Catholics, Ukrainian
Orthodox and the Russian Orthodox.

The Cathedral of Saint Michael, where we attended a service for the
annunciation last week,was completely destroyed in 1936. St.
Michael's was also about 1000 years old and was famous for it's
beautiful golden domes. In 1936, a few desperate historians were able
to save some mosaics and frescoes by moving them into the museum at
St. Sophia before St. Michael's was demolished by communists who
planned to build a government building its site. The Communists
first spread propaganda that the Cathedral really wasn't very old or
important, then stripped the church of its most valuable contents and
then blew it up with dynamite.They never built annoying much on its
site, just volley ball and tennis courts.

The cathedral was lovingly rebuilt in the last ten years and was done
with such authenticity and care for detail that we both thought it was
ancient. Some of the original mosaics were brought back from museums
in Russia and it is a lovely church. It says a lot for this society
that they placed such a high priority on restoring their churches as
soon as they had the freedom to do so. It's an amazing experience to
be surrounded by so many beautiful, historic churches within this
city.

The story of St. Michael's Cathedral inspires us personally because it
speaks so clearly of the resiliency of the human spirit. When
something as dear to this people as their 1000-year old cathedral was
senselessly destroyed by evil, they had to endure it and surely were
grief-struck by the enormity and cruelty of their loss, but at first
opportunity and at great effort they picked up the pieces and rebuilt.
(The Orthodox in Moscow have done the same thing in rebuilding their
glorious cathedral of Christ the Savior, blown up by the communists
and replaced by a swimming pool.). So faced with our own enormous
loss, we are inspired, with God's help, to start rebuilding our lives
through adoption. It will be a similar experience of rebuilding after
complete loss for the children, too.

Here is another view of Saint Sophia. The brown part is the original wall.

2011-04-15T06:50:00.001-04:00

Yesterday we spent some time studying Russian, looking for a grocery store which we didn't find, and visiting the Fine Arts Museum.
The museum had a wonderful collection of icons dating from the 1200's through the 1800's. There were many beautiful icons from a variety of Ukrainian churches. The icons went to the museum in the early days of communism and I guess that is how they were protected as many churches were simply destroyed. I couldn't take photos of the icons and the bookstore was closed when we left, So here is a website about the museum:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Art_Museum_of_Ukraine

This afternoon we're going to tour Saint Sophia Cathedral.

Thanks agin for your prayers!
The Opera House:

The Art Museum:

This is really an Orthodox Country:

Waiting in kyiv

2011-04-14T05:30:00.003-04:00

Life in Kiev

From the windows in our new apartment in Kyiv, we can see the domes of the Cathedral of Saint Sophia- the cathedral of the Holy Wisdom. It is more spacious and clean than our last apartment and has free wireless Internet so we don't have to hang out at the cafe and buy expensive coffee in order to be online. It's a blessing to be here instead of the other apartment for this week.

In Ukraine, people make do with less space in their homes. They have smaller kitchens than Americans and tend to eat fresher food by shopping more regularly. Shopping for food is a great pleasure with the cheap prices and high standards in all stores. The bread in an ordinary market rivals our best bakery bread and costs almost nothing. There are little stands along the street selling fresh fruits and vegetables along with other stands for magazines, hot dogs, ice cream or small grocery items. The stand workers stay in their tiny booth and look out of a small window that just shows their head and allows them to sell the products. I guess they stay warmer that way. Yesterday Mark and I bought a beautiful loaf of fresh bread, butter, and what we thought was creamer but turned out to be sour cream and all that cost about 2$.

Each day we eat out one meal since it's so inexpensive and make do with bread, cheese and fruit for the other meals just because we do need to be careful since our time here may be long. Tuesday, we went to the Ukrainian piccadilly - its name translates to "Fat House" - For eight dollars total we had a wonderful , fresh meal including salad, bread, soup, bottled water and pirogues. Back at the apartment, Mark has discovered he likes the instant coffee here. It really is good and is what most people drink at home. I also bought some Earl grey tea. The cold weather makes hot drinks appreciated. Everyone buys bottled water, flat or mineral, for all drinking due to the poor quality of the tap water.

Laundry is more of an effort here. Ukrainians also have high efficiency front loading washing machines which hold tiny loads and take forever to get the job done. They do not have clothes driers so everyone uses drying racks. You see the clothes drying through people's balcony windows including mine. The clothes are stiff of course, but not wrinkly! It makes washing more of a plan ahead job.

The bathrooms are small in these apartment but do have flush toilets and you can flush toilet paper. The showers are the hand held ones that never seem to stretch long enough for tall people but do force you to conserve water. The towel rack in this apartment is heated. We use bottled water for brushing teeth and I use makeup remover pads to wash my face to avoid much contact with the tap water.

We didn't bring enough warm clothes. It's been drizzly or rainy with temps in the 30's and 40's up until yesterday when the sun came out briefly and it rose to a high of 51. We are cold a lot and wish we had warmer things to wear but wouldn't dream of buying something because the prices are very high. Mark's Levi jeans would be about $150 here instead of $30 at home and sneakers like my $20 converse ones from target appear to be about $200. A warm coat would probably cost hundreds of dollars. It is amazing how well dressed everyone is considering the cost of the clothes.

Kyiv has many cultural attractions which I imagine are subsidized. There are museums, many parks and a historic Opera House which has a different show, either ballet or opera, each night. Last night we walked to the opera and saw Turindot. It was a wonderful performance in the beautifully ornate opera house built in the 1850's. We bought mid range tickets which cost about $7 each.

Today we'll go to some art museums and shop a little.

Thank you for your prayers. We are praying each day for our hearts to be ready and open for "our" children and for God to prepare them as well.We get three tries but if it doesn't work next time, it will be very hard on everyone. No one does all three tries I think. We hope that in His mercy and our obedience, it will work out next week.

Here is the view from our kitchen window:

Our kitchen:

Edna 's version of Monday

2011-04-13T04:15:00.001-04:00

On Sunday we drove about eight hours through the Ukrainian countryside on mostly very bumpy roads with lots of potholes and slow trucks that our driver passed with expert timing. Ukraine has the blackest, richest soil I've ever seen. The fields are barren still in this cold spring, but they must be beautiful in the summer and fall. There were mile and miies of farmland punctuated by small,poor looking villages with crowded, small brick houses. Each square house had its own garden which right now means mud plot. They often have three windows facing the road and the window frames are often painted a bright blue. The one building that is always beautiful is the Orthodox church. In the towns that have churches, the graceful lines of the church with its arches and lovely golden dome (s) is the one beautiful sign of hope in the otherwise dreary view.

We stayed in a sixth floor apartment in Donesk. The staircase was unwelcoming concrete, smelled of pee and cigarettes and almost completely unlit but the apartment was clean, comfortable and nice. Even so, we both struggled to sleep and had stressful dreams.

Monday morning we packed up and drove about half an hour to the orphanage social worker's office. She seemed very nice and accompanied us to the orphanage. The orphanage was nicer than I expected with several brick buildings in a nice slightly wooded setting. We went into the assistant director's office and met with her and with the nurse.

The nurse read through the children's medical files. She described birth weight, vaccinations and any illnesses. They were all very healthy, but I started feeling sicker and sicker. Finally, I thought I was going to faint or worse throw up and I knew I had to tell someone so I told Mark I was sick. Our translator and the other women helped me walk me outside where I almost collapsed. The assistant director was very kind and got water for me. She used her hands to slap water on my face and neck and between that and the freezing cold air,I regained my composure and after a few dry heaves was better.

I asked for a moment in the bathroom and was surprised to discover my first squat to use, non flushing, drain toilet complete with bucket of used tp - because you can't put tp in the toilet drains. I should have taken a photo but at the time felt it was not appropriate and wasn't feeling altogether well so I hurried out when I could.

Once everyone was assured of my recovery,( they let me lie down and gave me an antinausea drug and were very kind) we went to the children's building to meet the little boy.

He was suddenly in the room and was much cuter than his photo. He was a very smart and active boy. He was cute with his little mullet haircut, blue shorts and heavy pink tights. Really, it was endearing. He liked the car we gave him, hungrily ate two bananas, played a game on the iPad, did a puzzle with impressive quickness, and read to us proudly, but his favorite thing was hitting a balloon back and forth with Mark. I was mostly quietly observing and could tell he was intelligent, confident and had great motor skills. He seemed happy to play but didn't look us in the eye much. His interactions were guarded.

After we left, we decided to pursue seeing his siblings who are in the Crimea. We drove back to the social worker's office to complete the paperwork needed for this.That's when complications arose. It took over an hour and many phone calls and we still didn't have permission to go see the kids in the Crimea. It seemed that someone was blocking this process and we had been warned that perhaps the director would not be cooperative for reasons that had nothing to do with us.

I still felt very stressed and sort of guilty about feeling stressed. Our translator asked if we were sure we wanted to do this and explained that these are great kids but she wanted to be sure we were sure before going through the complicated issues to get us permission and arranging the travel throughout the region which is a long distance from there.

The thing is, we weren't sure. He is a wonderful little boy, but was he meant to be our little boy? It was hard, but we decided no. I felt less stress after that decision, but I can't explain why. I don't think I have unrealistic expectations of finding Mary Evelyn over here, but my heart was not engaged and Mark felt as he wrote in yesterday's post.

We drove back through the night on the same bumpy roads and my heart ached for my Mary Evelyn. Seeing this boy reawakened so much grief I was a mess by the time we unpacked at our new apartment at 3 am. Mark later teased me that I was about one stpe away from becoming a bag lady. I'm better now.

We are staying in Kiev and will wait until next week for another appointment and a chance that this time the matchmaking will work. We are really hoping for two kids, three likely means selling our house. Even more, we are hoping for inner peace about our decision. We are not likely to be offered such intelligent healthy children next time, but hopefully they will be our children regardless.

I feel ok. Like Mark wrote, we need to rethink our approach to this. I need to open my heart. Right now it's been so full of reawakened grief that there's not much room for anything else so I need to ask for God's mercy in this. I need to be able to focus on the child's needs first. Thankfully, there is every expectation that the three kids we were offered first will be adopted soon as there are seldom 3 smart, healthy kids of those ages available and there are lots of people wanting to adopt. Our facilitators are not looking for groups of three now, they said it is probably more than I can handle and I agree. They are hoping to find 1 or 2 kids for us. I still hope for 1 girl and 1 boy, but it's in God's hands and we will try to connect with whomever we're given next time by hopefully, in God's grace, looking at them with eyes of love and not just grief, fear and loss.

I am so glad to have this week to spend calmly with Mark in this beautiful city.

2011-04-12T06:55:00.002-04:00

After our first visit--Mark

I'm sure I'm just discovering what everyone else had already fully anticipated: you can't go searching for a child to adopt six months after losing your own and not have an emotional time of it! So I get it.

They're not all bad emotions, either--besides the grief, anxiety, fear and regret, a lot of hope and, hopefully soon in increasing degree, love and joy, too.

So we met the little boy yesterday, and all those emotions were part of the day. I had been so put off by the mugshot-like photo of little Valodnya ever since our appointment on Kiev last week that I had low expectations. I had been very anxious about it last week, but my emotions had mellowed into a neutrality--I wasn't worried, but I wasn't looking forward to it, either. I was a little ashamed of myself when he turned out to be a nice little boy. He seemed good and smart, nimble and confident. He was shy or guarded, but as he and I played, he opened up more and so did I and I began to feel some affection for him. By the end of the visit, both Edna and I said we liked him, but hadn't yet connected with him at such a level that we could be certain we should be his parents. It was enough, though, to move forward with a visit to the older two, so our translator set about getting that planned for us.

Because the older children were in a different region (Crimea) and we had been given paperwork specific to Donetsk, there was a whole afternoon of bureaucratic wrangling and threats not to accept us when we got there. Edna felt particularly stressed about the whole situation, with things starting to get real and not feeling emotionally connected. Because it was clearly going to be a lot of effort to continue pursuing these children, our translator wanted to know if we were sure we wanted these children, or to go back to Kiev and try again. It was a hard decision, but, mainly because we didn't feel strongly about the child we had met, and we ideally wanted 2, not 3, we decided to start over. It was what our gut was telling us both, and Edna was particularly relieved at the decision. I immediately felt some regret and felt guilty for what I could then see were ways in which I had not done right. First, I should not have allowed myself to be so swayed by one photograph in our appointment in Kiev. I know that the scripture says that man looks on the outward part but God looks on the heart. I caught myself, even after determining not to do it, being quite un-Godlike in this regard. Once I met him, and he started to smile and his personality came out a little, I could see the beauty of the image of God in him, and I was ashamed. Second, I approached the meeting, in the days before, more self-consumed than thinking of and praying for this child and preparing my heart to love him--not totally, but if I may confess it, a little like I was going to look at a horse before buying. Had I really prayed for this child and prepared a fatherly disposition for him in advance, would "the connection" have been there more clearly? Can't know now, but I have to carry some sadness for not doing right by the little guy, and I can--and am determined--to learn from my mistake and do better next time. And I will pray for him now, after the fact, that the right family will come along soon, and one that will be even better for him.
So we came back to Kiev last night, arriving at 3 AM. This morning we submitted paperwork for another appointment and will probably have the appointment next week sometime. So we have several days to relax, refocus and prepare. I am very hopeful for a better outcome next time, but fear two things in particular: there being few good choices available when our appointment rolls around--did we blow our one chance?--and, more so, that we may have the same experience next time too, regardless of the children, because we are not ready and can't clear the higher-than-expected emotional hurdles. I really want this to happen, and it will be another loss to me if we don't succeed, but, as before, we'll have to take it step by step and see how God chooses to bless us if we are faithful. Thank you all for your prayers.

In Donetsk

2011-04-10T14:43:00.000-04:00

It's 9:30 in the evening and we are in Donetsk. Tomorrow we'll be going to meet the youngest boy of the sibling group. We have lots of things ready to do with him--crafts, games, toys, puzzles, and several really cool iPad applications. We are taking it one step at a time and not pressuring ourselves regarding the outcome. If it seems like we're a match with him, we'll continue on in the coming days to meet the older two. Otherwise, we'll be back to Kiev to try again. It's in God's hands and we will try to be faithful in what He has put before us at each moment.

2011-04-09T13:31:00.003-04:00

Underground Kiev

This morning Mark and I got up early, 6:30 am, and rode the metro. The station near us is the deepest subway station in the world and used to be part of an underground bomb shelter during Soviet times. It is a beautiful station with Byzantine-styled mosaics of angels and saints, reminiscent of Hagia Sophia. We rode two steep escalators down to the station. We got on the wrong train but after a station or two were able to get help from someone who sent us back to the original station. This time, we rode another escalator back up to a different platform and got on the right train.

From the metro station, it was a ten or fifteen minute walk in the cold drizzling rain to the Lavra. Part way there, we had a cup of coffee at a cafe. Warmed up, we continued and hoped we were heading in the right direction. We passed a memorial to WWII soldiers and saw a wide view if the city and the river. Soon, we could see a golden dome in the distance so we knew we were getting close. After crossing the street via an underground shopping center(there are underground street crossings lined with narrow tiny shops selling a wide variety of things ranging from cups of hot corn to beautiful flowers) we came back to ground level and saw more domes.

The Lavra is a complex of monasteries and has many golden domed, beautiful churches and caves underneath. It was a started by a monk from Mount Athos many centuries ago. There are museums, a theological academy and active monastic and lay Orthodox life. One of the first buildings we went in had many icons. One large one was of many saints and included a child saint in the icon which is very unusual. We continued walking around, shivering, until we found our way to a church that was having a liturgy. It was a beautiful service with many people in the congregation and several priests. The choir was very good and all men. There was one man by the door, not in the choir, who was singing along loudly off key in a strange high pitched voice. The room was warm and the light dim and there were many icons everywhere and people were lighting candles and praying. I felt very much at home.

After the service, we went to the church bookstore and purchased two little children's books for the kids. That's when I noticed that my purse was unzipped and my passport was gone. I thought, how horrible for someone to steal my passport during church! Then again, maybe they stole it while we rode the metro. Last I thought: maybe I left it at home--nothing I could do about it but wait until we returned to our apartment so I put it out of my mind as much as I could.

The Lavra has many monks who are entombed in their caves under the churches. Monks would go there and live in a tiny cell. They usually would not leave their cell ever again and people would bring them food and pass it through a grate to them. When they died, they would be buried in their cell. They are still there, intact, hundreds of years later and people visit them.

We bought candles to light our way and followed the line of people through the caves. I get claustrophobic so I was uneasy in such a small underground space, but didn't want to miss out on the experience so I went anyway. While we were down there we saw a child's coffin among the men's coffins. I started to tear up thinking of my little girl in this quiet world of the dead, so separate and distant from me. Paradoxically, though, that quiet and seemingly lifeless place is there to testify of the hope of resurrection and of the ongoing life of those whose bodies, like seeds, have been planted in the ground. Those bodies were there to say, in effect, "We live on and we're still one with you in the Lord." Being in Mary Evelyn's world in the physical sense made me sad, but through the eyes of faith we look beyond to the world in which she now lives and where we will one day join her.

As the cold rainy morning turned to a colder windy afternoon, we left the Lavra. On our way back to the metro we passed a beggar. I told Mark she looked more like a grandma than a homeless person. She certainly looked sober. He went back and gave her some money. I watched her and I saw her cross herself three times as he walked back to me.

We found our way home and I was very thankful to find my passport on the table where I had carelessly left it.Now we are doing laundry and getting ready to go to the underground mall under Independence Square. We will buy a few presents for the children and get something to eat. Tomorrow, we'll get up early again to drive to Donetsk which is South east of Kyiv (Kiev). The train was not available and it seemed wiser to pay for the driver rather than flying so we are driving. It's another part of this adventure!

On Monday we'll meet the youngest boy and if it goes well we'll continue traveling, probably by train,to meet the other two children in the Crimea. We have been told that they are good children, healthy and no fetal alcohol syndrome so that is very good! They have never been in trouble at the orphanage and have a grandma who visits them but can't take them on. We are looking forward to meeting them, but it has surprised us how much this experience has reopened our grief about Mary Evelyn and that has complicated things emotionally for us. If it doesn't go well and we don't feel comfortable with the boy, we'll come back here and wait for another appointment to get a referral for different children.

Please pray that we will both feel the same way about the children and will make the right decision. We want to have open hearts, but do want to adopt children who will be a good fit for us and for whom we will be good parents.

2011-04-08T06:43:00.001-04:00

Annunciation. Thursday evening

After our last post, Mark and I walked in the drizzling rain to St Sophia's Cathedral so we could pray there. The entrance we used was for the museum and since it was late, we decided to leave and come back tomorrow so we could have the whole tour. Leaving Saint Sophia's, I felt sad. I felt like I needed some holy wisdom and I felt distant from God. I know that when I feel distant from God, it's clearly my fault, but it can be hard to know what to do about it other than being still and praying

We wanted to pray, so when we saw another cathedral nearby we went there. It is the cathedral of St Michael's and you can see it behind me in the photo. When we went in, I felt at home. There were chanters singing in Russian and I could understand a few phrases such as lord have mercy. The church has a beautiful interior with lovely painted icons and candles burning. There were many people coming in to pray for a few minutes and then leaving. It was peaceful and calmed my spirit.

The first icon that Mark and I each noticed was the icon of the annunciation. Today is the "old calendar" feast of the annunciation. Maybe seeing that particular icon today, the day of our SDA appointment is a way that God is letting us know that we are going to be parents ( of three redheaded kids!?). Maybe not, who can know the mind of God, but we both saw it a a good sign.

We are still worried, we both have headaches from the pollution and cigarette smoke everywhere, we are not at peace about our path, but we have wonderful people helping us here and most importantly, even when we don't feel it and seem to be literally walking away from wisdom (Sophia), we are in God's hands and can choose to trust in His care.

Friday morning, updating from the Underground Mall

Last night Mark and I went to the Irish pub that is under our apartment for dinner. I had a delicious Irish stew which mark ordered fish in honor of annunciation. He wasn't a bit flustered when it arrived complete with scales and a mouthful of teeth. He said it was delicious, too.

We have a very nice apartment in a great location. We're next to the Golden Gate which is where the old gate to the city was. The gate has been rebuilt many times and is visible from our balcony.

We had crepes and cafe americano for breakfast and are having a leisurely morning. Ok, we slept in really late and are moving slow, but it's ok.

We'll stay in Kiev until Sunday evening so we'll have more time to sightsee and relax more before meeting the children. We expect to take an overnight train Sunday evening to the region where the orphanage is. We'll meet the youngest boy on Monday. wow!

2011-04-07T10:33:00.004-04:00

Post Appointment Jitters

This morning we had our SDA appointment. Mark wore a suit and I wore my cute trench coat, silk scarf, black skirt and sweater and black boots. We looked lot more like everyone else and it was nice not to feel like sloppy tourists.

We walked with Sveta and Luda, our facilitators, over to the SDA and entered an unimpressive side door. We waited, standing in a small hallway, until we were called up. There were two official women who were there. The first thing they said is that the office may be closing at any time and we may be one of the last couples to adopt for a long time. I wouldn't worry about that if you are in the process, it is bureaucracy and those things probably happen Lot. So after talking about closing the office, they showed us file.They first showed us a file of three very cute and sweet looking little boys who were 6-8 and included a set of twins. Then they showed us a group of two boys and one girl ages 6, 8 and 9 who were not as cute because they looked unhappy and had sort of mean expressions. Last there was brother and sister but the sister is mentally handicapped. We chose the two boys and one girl because they are the ones they recommended for us and we will be going to meet them next week.

Many of the blogs we've read said the parents felt sort of love at first sight for their kids and we didn't. It is very scary. What if's are all over my emotions. We talked of taking the three boys instead, but honestly, to redo Mary Evelyn's room again after working so hard on it breaks my heart. Maybe my heart needs to be broken some more, maybe judging the kids we chose from their photos is superficial and not choosing the boys because I felt sad about losing the dream of having a daughter is selfish, but that is how I felt. I wasn't particularly drawn to either group.

We are trusting God, but feeling anxious. That seems like a contradiction, but it's the truth and they say there's no need for faith if you're not scared. I am scared that we'll come home with kids that will be too difficult for me because they won't love us or want to be our kids and our home will become a war zone. Then again, we may come home with no kids.

I have hoped so much that God was leading us in this and tho I knew it would be hard, I thought if He was leading , He would pick out kids who would fit in well with us but maybe that's not how it works. Maybe how we feel just doesn't matter and it really is just picking up our cross.

I didn't realize how much I was hoping for love at first sight, but after all,Mark and I knew each other for years before dating and we worked out.

The plan for now is to have our referral appointment tomorrow, then spend Saturday sightseeing in Kiev, and then on Sunday travel to Donesk(?) to meet the little girl on Monday. The boys are at the Crimea on a rest (vacation?) so after meeting her we'll fly to the Crimea and meet the boys.

Please pray for us that we'll have wisdom in our decision. I am not easy on my heart about this.

We're really here

2011-04-06T12:00:00.000-04:00

Mark and I are updating from an Internet cafe in Kiev. We're in a historic area just down the street from the cathedral of Saint Sofia. I'd post photos of that beautiful cathedral but we are having technical difficulties. You'll just have to imagine this lovely old street with the beautiful many domed cathedral, the Ukranian women who are all pretty and seem to wear black skirts as a uniform, the men who are all smoking and then me and Mark in our jeans with sleepy faces.
We had a great trip over with no real problems other than the plane was delayed in Frankfurt so the man who was expected to meet us when we disembarked in Kiev wasn't there but Mark and I simply got customer service to help us call our other contact and all was well. We met her right away and she took us to exchange currency, shop for a few groceries and then to our apartment which is spacious and in a great part of the city neat the historic section including cathedrals, Independence Square and the River.

Tomorrow is our big day when we go to the SDA and review files of potential children. Thank you for your prayers.

2011-04-06T11:44:00.001-04:00

Sent from my iPad

Sowing with Tears

2011-04-05T17:14:00.001-04:00

It's hard to leave one part of your life and transition to the next. Emotions want to linger and hold on to what is known and loved even when it's painful. We 've been struggling with dramatic changes over the last year, our fight with cancer, our loss and trying to find a way to heal. Our faith and our trust have helped. We try to do what is best at this moment and leave the results in God's hands.

I've felt sad and worried about emotionally separating again from Mary Evelyn through the adoption of unknown kids. I was having a teary, fearful moment on Sunday when I found a note from my dovelet. It said: you are my BFF and my mommy.

The note, written in the last week of her life, felt very sweet to me. My place with her and her place with me will never change no matter who else we love. Just as my love for Thomas was not diminished by my love for Mary Evelyn, the new kids will not take away from my love for my biological kids. But it feels like the end of something, maybe just the private grieving time. We'll be busy once we have the kids. It won't be the same and I don't want to let go but I know that is selfish. We are reminding ourselves that God asks us to care for orphans. Our responsibility is to do what is in front of us and trust Him to take care of us.

Psalm 126 vs 5-6 those who sow in tears shall reap with joyful shouting. He who goes to and fro weeping, carrying his bag of seed, shall indeed come again with a shout of joy, bringing his sheaves with him.

We understand about the tears and as Mark said, the real end of this story is us seeing Mary Evelyn in heaven so no matter what, we have that joy to look forward to.

Sometimes it's hard to believe we are doing this. The preparations have kept us so busy it's been hard to find time to process everything in my mind. It took a lot of work to get the house ready and get the paperwork and other necessary items for the adoption complete. I had to go to three banks just to get the cash we need to pay for everything in Ukraine ( you only bring cash - it seems crazy but that is how it works) and then a fourth bank to swap the money out for new, uncreased bills.It's a lot of bills.

There was a list of suggested supplies to shop for before we left. I brought craft activities, UNO, and sketch pads for three kids so we can keep them occupied. I also packed dramamine, tylenol and things like that for them. We're bringing a couple six 6-8 shirts for girls or boys because that may be the right age, but since we don't know who we're getting we're going to have to go shopping in Ukraine for most of their clothes. We couldn't resist packing some little chocolate Easter bunnies and other treats, too.

Cindy arrived at our house on time this morning and kept us on task. She kept reminding us of the time and helping us finish up lose ends. She dropped us off at the airport on time where we were met by Rebecca, Father Jacob's wife. She walked with us to the security checkpoint where she hugged us goodbye. So far, the only problem has been that the foot on Mark's carry-on bag up broke off before we even leftbeing house. It's brand new. On well. It's a small thing.

It's not like we have to think about moving Mary Evelyn's grave or something. Wait, we are dealing with that, but that issue is being dealt with by our attorney so I'm attempting to let it go as much as I can. I feel like I have enough going on without that drama, but there it is.

Mark has just learned how to say Меня тошнит. That means, "I'm going to throw up!" Such a useful phrase. I did pack leftover but unused throw up bags because the kids all throw up. It must be very scary to them and also they are not used to traveling so when they get on the bumpy roads they all say"Меня тошнит".

We've started our Ukrainian adventure. Hope is having the sleepover party of her dreams with her buddy Roxy (jamie's dog) , Redcat is pouting under the neighbor's deck, and hopefully Mary Evelyn is smiling at us from heaven.

Pleas continue praying for us that we will be able to pick out children who will be sweet and will benefit from being in our family.

Jumping In the Pool

2011-03-30T11:05:00.003-04:00

Last night I dreamt that Mary Evelyn was dying and I was begging God on my knees to spare her life. Really living those days was so stressful that I was almost grateful when I woke up and remembered it has been over for almost six months. I know that may sound bad, but I’ve come to a more accepting view of death and it was horrible to watch Mary Evelyn suffer without being able to cure her. A couple of weeks ago, I was in the church nursery when a toddler started choking on a wheat thin. I picked her up and placed her across my lap, face down, and was about to smack her on the back when the cracker dislodged and she started protesting loudly. I was thankful that I helped this sweet baby and it was a healing experience for me. It was wonderful to feel like I had helped a child after feeling so helpless as Mary Evelyn died.

Adopting is a way to affirm life even while we are grieving. My parents set a great example for me of moving forward after tragedy. My mother was widowed with five young children. She mourned her husband (she cried for a whole year) and then moved forward with her children and created a happy home for them in spite of many difficulties. She got a good job, threw wonderful birthday parties and eventually found a new husband and father for them. My father was a single parent with two daughters so when Mom and Dad got married, they instantly had seven children. That seems a lot crazier than going to Ukraine to adopt 2-3 children, but that was the family I was born into (yes, I am #8) and so I feel a little silly when I let myself get too scared about adopting.

When Mark and I were first dating, I visited my sister Cathy and told her and her husband Kenny about Mark. Kenny, who had known me since I was thirteen, asked me if this was the one. He said, you’ve never really jumped in the pool. I thought about that and decided he was right. I’d always been so busy protecting my heart I’d never let myself be very open. I’d stuck my toes in the water, but never had the courage to jump in. I decided that if I was ever going to jump in the pool, I’d want it to be with Mark. Of course, as soon as I decided that, Mark stopped calling me and it took many months for things to work out, but in the long run we got married. My decision to be vulnerable caused me some immediate heartache, but brought joy later.

Adopting a child from another country is like getting married, but in some ways it’s even more of a commitment because once it’s done, you can’t get out of it without creating an international incident! We’re going to meet the kids in less than two weeks. They’ll become our kids days later. This is surely jumping into the pool again, but isn’t that what life is about? If you stay safe on the edge, when does your life really happen? You usually can’t accomplish anything great or meaningful without some risks taken.

I would not have chosen this, I’d have chosen to keep my girl here and cancer free. I did pray, many times, in real life for God to spare her life and let her stay with us. I miss her so much it’s hard to let myself think about her for very long right now. I would have wanted to have kept my sweet little Mary Evelyn with me, but it was beyond my control and in faith I believe that God had His reasons for this. In the weeks to come, God willing, we will have the opportunity to be a great blessing to children who need us. Although I miss my dovelet every day, I feel her presence in my life. The faith, courage and love that Mary Evelyn had inspires me and the silly fun way she lived life still brings me joy and lessens my grief. Hopefully, with God's grace, we can share that love and joy with her new little siblings.

With hope, faith and prayer, Mark and I are moving forward into our new lives, jumping into the pool with new kids, and trying to focus on our gratitude for the loving people who surround us in our grief and our joy. We can see the loving hand of God in our lives though your kindness and this helps us to have the courage and the capability to do something as crazy as go to Ukraine and bring home children.Thank you for your prayers and love throughout this time.

2011-03-28T21:16:00.007-04:00

After church this Sunday, Father Jacob asked everyone to pray for Mark and me. We knelt in front of him and everyone gathered behind us. He prayed a beautiful prayer asking for God to help us on our journey, to help us find the right children and to keep us all safe. While he prayed, I felt hands of little children on my back and arms, softly patting me in a sweet way. It made me cry a little because it made me think of Mary Evelyn and her sweet little hands and how much I miss her, but it was good because I felt like she was there too, reassuring me and loving on me a little before our trip. There really were a couple little kids right behind me, so don't worry, I haven’t lost my mind.

We have one week before we leave and our house in is an organized chaos. I just painted the potential boy’s room today. I only painted 3 walls because the 4th has a cute farm mural. We’re getting new carpet upstairs on Wednesday, so the new to us children’s bedroom furniture is downstairs in the hall along with boxes of stuff from upstairs. The eat in kitchen area is full of the last boxes of Mary Evelyn’s things. Last week, my friend Tami came over and helped me finish packing them up. “You don’t need to look at that now, you can look at it later” she’d say when I started to flirt with grief and so by steadily working, we finished it.Those boxes will be stored in Mark's parents' basement and we can go through them again when we're ready.

Tami and I had fun organizing books and things for the new kids. Once the carpet is in and we move the furniture upstairs into the bedrooms, it will be really exciting to see how it all looks. Mark’s 15 page list of home improvements is getting finished and tomorrow I’ll be writing a new one: the get packed and ready to go list.

I’ve been picking up on Ukranian travel tips. Today I learned not to order the Ukrainian specialty called “salo” because it’s sliced salted lard. I’m looking forward to some adventurous eating, but not that. I'll try the “holubtsil” which are cabbage rolls made to look like doves and of course pirogues and borscht. I can't believe I'll be there next week!

Thanks for your continued prayers! PS If you are interested in adoption, Perimeter Church is hosting a Discovery Seminar on April 17th to teach people about the process: http://www.promise686.org/

Getting Ready

2011-03-23T23:19:00.003-04:00

Mark and I have been busy getting ready. A few weeks ago, Mark created a list of household jobs or repairs that is 15 pages long. Really. The list included big things like organizing the garage (done!) and little things like clean the plantation shutters (done!). There are still lots of uncompleted tasks and not much time left.

We bought bedroom furniture on Craig’s list to furnish two bedrooms. If we get three kids, we’ll turn one bed into bunk beds. It has been fun to plan these rooms, redecorate the kids’ bathroom and play room and feel happy about being able to give something to children instead of just experiencing our heavy loss.

On Monday, our caseworker called us with our appointment date in Kiev. We will fly on April 5th in order to arrive on the 6th for our appointment on the 7th. The 8th will be six months to the day since Mary Evelyn died, and it’s both amazing and scary to me that things have moved so quickly. I was a nervous wreck all day Monday and kept making silly mistakes and not being able to concentrate.

We have no idea of who we are bringing home with us, but are hoping for a boy and a girl.We've prepared for two, however we may get three children or even end up with only one. We pray that God ( and ME) has picked them out already and it will fall into place according to His will.

Now we need a new list, a countdown list, of things to finish up, things to take care of before we leave, what to pack, and so on. Some things are happening just in time, like the refrigerator door needs to be replaced and it’s being installed the day before we leave. Other things will just have to wait.

In two weeks I’ll be in Kiev. Three weeks from today, I’ll have already met my new children and had a court appearance.
Oh my! Whose idea was this, anyway?

Adopted By God

2011-03-05T11:33:00.002-05:00

When Mary Evelyn left us last October, she took only her spirit with her as she entered heaven. She left behind her toys, her fabulous wardrobe, her friends and her family. We prayed that her spirit would find peace and joy in heaven, and we hoped my (Edna's) parents would be there to welcome her. We realized that, in leaving behind her "home country" and everyone and everything she knew, and starting a new life in an entirely different place, her experience was similar to that of a child being adopted internationally: in a moment, they forever leave behind everything and go to a strange and new—albeit better—place to begin a new life. Mary Evelyn, in this sense, was "adopted by God".

In November, I (Edna) visited Mary Evelyn's second grade class. I wanted to thank them for being so kind to our family, so I brought Oreos in for them. It was hard to be there because Mary Evelyn's absence was so heavy on my heart, but God had a greater purpose for the visit than we dreamed. During my visit, Mary Evelyn's teacher told me about a program for hosting Orphans from Eastern Europe for a holiday. Hosting orphans seemed like a wonderful way to fill up our empty home while blessing children who otherwise wouldn't have a home for the holidays so we signed up to help.

We attended a training program for hosting families and decided to make the leap from hosting to simply adopting. Adopting is not a new idea for us. While Mary Evelyn was in remission, we were approved through DFACS to adopt American children, but it never worked out and naturally we dropped it when her cancer returned. After learning about the availability of children and the sufferings they endure in other countries, we decided that we would pursue adopting from Ukraine. We are hoping to adopt a sibling group of 2 or 3 children in the age range of 4-10. We will pick out children from a file at the government office in Kiev when we travel there in April.

Due to a lack of economic resources and entrenched societal problems left over from the Soviet Era, there are an estimated 100,000 orphans in Ukraine, many of them living in state run orphanages. The conditions at the orphanages are difficult and the children face challenges that we can hardly imagine. When they reach the age of 16 or 17, they leave the orphanages, often with no one to help them, nowhere to go, and few skills. Approximately 70% turn to lives of crime or prostitution.

Adopting children who are already several years old and come from a different culture will bring unique challenges. We are still dealing with our grief from the loss of our sweet girl and hope that this will help us understand the loss experienced by the children even as we build our new family. The Ukrainian children we're adopting have already experienced huge losses in their young lives; the loss of family, belongings and friends. When we adopt them, they even leave their clothes behind because the clothes they wear belong to the orphanage. They will leave everything to go with new people who can't even speak their language, but there is one important place where they will feel at home and that is our church. Ukraine is a predominately Orthodox Country so the children we adopt will almost certainly be Orthodox. They will have the opportunity to grow in their Orthodox faith, be a treasured part of our family and ultimately to have opportunities for a future they could hardly have dreamed of.

We are grateful for your faithful prayers for our family during Mary Evelyn's battle with cancer and after her death. We hope you will continue to intercede for us during this time. We are praying that God will lead us to adopt children that will fit in well with our family and who we can be a blessing to. We have been praying that God will protect them while they are at the orphanage and give them hope. We are hoping they will be sweet and have kind hearts that will blossom and grow in our home. We know that there will be many challenges as our family blends and are praying for grace during those times.